Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

[NoSquirrels]

If you must reply (and I wouldn’t!) I’d go for “He chose the ballet theme not the pirates - that’s his usual ballet gear. Thanks for a fun party!”

[Griefmonster]

If they "tell it like it is" then just tell it like it is? "He was dressed in his dance class uniform. Why so rude?"

[Fiveletters]

I would reply and say you think she has text the wrong person. Cheeky bitch!

[CherieBabySpliffUp]

I'd reply saying that you had stuck with the theme. Also point out that if she wanted the children to stick within the sex stereotypes she should have said!

[OnTheEdgeOfTheNight]

That should say "there's a local saying that seems appropriate"

[Whynosnowyet]

My ds got his first ballet grade at an early age.
Yanbu op.
The World of School Dm's is brutal at times.

[Whynotnowbaby]

What a weird message. I think I would probably respond with: “I’m sorry, I have clearly offended in some way but the invitation stated ballerinas or pirates. Could you explain how ds coming as a ballerina is not sticking to the theme? I am offended by the insults in your text and would appreciate an explanation as to why you found his outfit so offensive.”

[FlaskMaster]

Ballerinas and pirates would be unusual. The usual thing is princesses and pirates because of the alliteration. Are you sure it was ballerinas?
I would just text back "That's a bit rude isn't it. The theme was ballerinas and pirates. He's a ballet cancer. That fits with the theme perfectly."

[Gizlotsmum]

I wouldn't reply. If she says anything face to face I would give her a quizzical look as say he went as a ballerina?

[Thehop]

I suppose, technically, he was a ballet dancer not a ballerina.

my husband was a former professional ballet dancer and suffered really badly for it in his youth so were fierce on “dancing is for boys” and id struggle not to point out your son managed both characters as a pirate ballet dancer, but you have to live near her, so maybe ignoring her is best.

I’m sorry you had this, it’s a horrible message and a totally shit mentality.

[SayitBeit]

Ignore her, it will confuse her.

Hope she wakes up with a hangover!

[elephantoverthehill]

I think a reply along the lines of 'Don't you know my son is the next Billy Elliot'.

[fascinated]

Wow, that’s awful! Must be drunk!

[slipperywhensparticus]

Ahh American, maybe tell her in England boys are allowed to be ballet dancers even the third in line to the throne prince George himself loves ballet

[EnidBlyton]

She sounds insane

[Helmetbymidnight]

dont reply- she is the insane one here.

[ReasonNorTreason]

The theme was definitely ballerinas and pirates. And I know that without even re-looking at the invite since all the other children, apart from one girl, was wearing either ballet stuff or a pirates outfit

[Thehop]

@NoSquirrels has a great response.

[FREEM]

just ignore her she's looking for a rise.

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

She sounds unhinged. If she wanted a specific separate theme for boys and girls she should have specified. I think I'd reply 'oh I'm soooooo fucking sorry, I didn't realise you were a raging sexist. Next time I'll make sure to stick to outdated gender stereotypes just for you'

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

I'd just reply saying she must have the wrong number since you sent your son as a ballet dancer to a ballerina and pirates party.

[GreenTulips]

Ask her to elaborate

[lisag1969]

She is going it because she thinks she can get away with it with you. You said your a little nervous to see her.
Tell her you did dress him in the theme as he does dancing and was dressed as a ballet dancer.
Also tell her you ever fucking talk to me like that again. I will show you how insane I can be.
Guaranteed she won't be rude to you again.
Don't let her get away with it. Who the fuck does she think she is. X

[BettysLeftTentacle]

‘I didn’t realise you support the stereotyping of the sexes. I thought I’d made friends with someone more progressive than that. My bad.’

[HaggardMumofToddler]

Ignore her and give her a confused look when you see her and outright tell her you won’t tolerate her abusive messages. I’d show it to the other parents/ mutual friends so hopefully she will be embarrassed.