Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

'To the PP guessing we're in the South, you're right!'

Now I know I'm perpetuating the stereotype thing here, but I have to say 'Explains a lot'.

Are you sure there has not been a previous incident OP? It’s bizarre that someone would send a message like that without provocation. Actually, the message she sent is completely out of order. She obvious saw you as a ‘friend’ even though you’re ‘new’ to the area, have you seen her act this way before?

I remember a situation at a Birthday party years ago between two cousins. Their birthdays fell a week apart and one of them had already celebrated several days before with a party. This child turned up at his cousin’s party a week later, covered in birthday badges, sash and even a birthday hat! The entertainer had felt obligated to include the other cousin so it appeared to be a joint party. I had walked into the kitchen to find the mum (host) in tears. It turns out that this was a long line of her cousin constantly attention seeking, goading her and involving her with her competitive parenting. Over the next two years I witnessed this, and could see how even a small irritating incident could be blown up out of proportion.

OP, this message deserves to be ignored, it was completely out of order, and quite pathetic. I’m sorry if I’ve caused offence by questioning past relations with this woman, I just find it hard to believe that a random parent would send this message.

@angell84
Well now I feel the need to apologise in behalf of those more enlightened Brits. As with US Southern stereotypes, I can only imagine you landed in the wrong place!

Hope when you see her today you shout 'shiver me timbers, have you sobered up now?' really loudly at her

Angell84, where on earth did you go? I can’t imagine any part of this country that would be obviously fascist.

Hope when you see her today you shout 'shiver me timbers, have you sobered up now?' really loudly at her

😂😂😂 Oh please do this.

Not really she sounds unhinged.
I'd ignore message & avoid her like the plague.

'Angell84, where on earth did you go? I can’t imagine any part of this country that would be obviously fascist.'
I wish I could share that optimism but I have seen way too many Facebook discussions, and I think the result of the last general election speaks volumes.

That's what you get living in another country particularly one led by their nutjob, send a copy to Prince Harry with a warning.....he may send his kids dressed as Princes...

Well, I'm late to the party and you've sent your responses now, but funny as batshit mom is for us on the the thread I think she has the potential to cause you problems if you don't tackle this head on. Far from dodging her at nursery, I think you should proactively take her on one side and say politely but firmly that you think there must have been a transatlantic misunderstanding as boys turning up as dancers and girls turning up as pirates would be perfectly acceptable in the UK, but that what would most certainly not be acceptable would be friends swearing at each other in rude, drunken texts. Tell her that you will keep her behaviour to yourself as long as there is no repeat of it and that it doesn't come to your ears that she's been badmouthing you to others, otherwise the gloves come off. (And, if you must, that you'll pray for her.)

I wouldn't just leave this to play out if she's the bitchy queen bee and you're the new girl, in case it ends up affecting your DS's friendships and your place in the community generally.

@ReasonNorTreason have you done your school run yet? Not sure how many hours your behind us?

They tried to get me in with their very 'in' circle but I have declined ever so gently by refusing invites to things. They're just too brash and bold for me

I suspect this is the real reason for her vitriol. You've rejected her and the queen bees and she's taken offence. She thinks you believe you are better than her and she is looking for evidence of that... and an excuse for a fight and to put you in your place. If it wasn't the costume, it would be something else.

Crazy!

Seriously, what is the matter with some people!?
Why are some people utterly determined to keep living in the Dark Ages?
Your poor son.
YANBU

My only question at this point is - does she have a gun?

@Orchidflower1

American here, though not the OP. It's Martin Luther King Day today in the U.S., so banks, schools and government agencies are closed. The OP is five hours behind. We'll have to wait until tomorrow for an update.

Sorry, mis-posted above I know the OP is a Brit living in the U.S. now.

I just woke up.

How weird for her to care so much about a child's party outfit.

It's not even like he was dressed up as a ballerina (tutu etc), he was dressed in his genuine ballet dancing outfit.

Bizarre and sad behaviour.

@Devora13 everywhere I’ve been north of London but south of Hadrian’s wall we’ve had the ‘but where are you really from?’ comments. Britain is really racist comparing to where I grew up (Australia) most people just don’t realise because they’re living in naice parts of London or just don’t understand, well, anything in regards to race, immigration etc. .

@ReasonNorTreason hope it went ok today.

I would just tackle her head on.

Just ask her why she sent such a hideously rude message and does she realise your son is a dancer, hence why he went as a ballerina and could she kindly keep her nasty comments to herself in future.

She sent you that message because she thinks you won't stand up for yourself... prove her bullying ass wrong.

@OutOntheTilez thank you for the info. I didn’t know that. 👍🏻

Dying for update!

In my experience of being British in the US, lots of people are unusually taken with our accents & can be rather intense in their interest.

Maybe the knobhead Mum was already a tad pissed at how much attention you were all getting & the (totally reasonable & brilliantly convenient) costume choice pushed the daft cow over the edge.

Her problem anyway, really.

Britain is really racist compared to... Australia? Now I really have heard it all

Sadly, it's always 1956 in the south. With guns. And active shooter drills in kindergartens and schools. 😲

No amount of "I just love your accent!" compensates.