Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

There are polite and rude people in every society in every corner of the world!

Sod the “bless your heart” type replies. If she came to restart the trouble at the school gates I’d be telling her you’re done with this crazy nastiest now, and that you feel like you’ve walked into a grown up version of Mean Girls. Tell her she ought to be ashamed of herself for trying to make a little boy who enjoys, and is good at dancing, feel bad.

Well done on the outfit op!

My ds’s favourite colour is pink and I love that he hasn’t been affected yet by gender stereotypes. Annoys me when occasionally people comment on him liking a ‘girl’ colour.

@Rachellow

No - I didn’t. I’m sorry - I got very angry when I heard that these were southern women.
Nothing I said previously is untrue. But I’m also very friendly and outgoing and I don’t judge people. From my very first time meeting them, they were judge-y and snarky and conceited and terribly rude and that was all very unnecessary. I believe in live and let live - I had to grin & bear it with that group for many years. It was only unpleasant when I was around them in a group - where they would make snarky remarks or comment on my comments or clothing or hair or anything having to do with me. My husband even came home and told me that the other husbands apologized to him for their wives’ behavior.
Now that I’m older, I look back and am angry that I took it instead of being snarky right back at them. They were insufferable. The rest of the wives were lovely and welcoming - they’re still my friends today.
So I apologize - I didn’t mean to come off as rude or snotty. My friends have all stayed my friends because they appreciate me & I appreciate them.
The “southern belles”, on the other hand, decided they didn’t like me before I ever uttered a word - that’s how my experience was with 100% of them.
It’s not something I recommend.

"I'm sorry but I'm confused and understand that birthday parties are stressful. Was the theme not ballerinas and pirates? If I misunderstood, please feel free to contact me when you are sober enough to do so."

That mother is a rude, stupid cow. Text her back to ask if that text was meant for you and if so, if she's been drinking and what her issue is with your son wearing his ballet gear. Then ignore, ignore, ignore her.

You did nothing wrong sending your DS to the party in his ballet gear. She's a twat.

Cocomobile

Totally agree! My son's favourite colour is pink too! It also annoys me when people comment about it or stare at him if he wears pink.

My Father wears pink and looks great as do some of my male friends. I just wish people wouldn't stereotype.

Although I like Jannier's reply ...sorry you must have sent this message to me by mistake....................
I would tend to ignore this type of correspondence completely. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.
You also have had a good warning about this woman I would keep away from her.

She is as others have pointed out birthday host totally bonkers. However, if I inadvertently/innocently did something that resulted in my child soaking up all the attention at someone else’s party I would feel bad about that too.

Yes totally agree with sunnybean60.

Good luck at School at stay away from the "Mean Girls." Happens here in England too though. I had a run in with a Mum over Christmas. She'd already decided she didn't like me but was waiting for her moment to "Mean girl" me. Luckily she just made herself look bad and now I totally ignore her. Even if we're the only two at pick up, I turn around and don't speak. I had years of "Mean girl," behaviour at Secondary School and most of them have had Calmer come back around. Now I'm in my 30's I just can't be bothered to get involved with such immature behaviour.

Going back to School for pick up is going to be tough but be prepared for the worst and you'll be ready but rise above her, make it obvious you just don't have time in your life for such irrelevant matters. There is more going on in the world, maybe she should think about others. She's clearly just jealous of you from her replies and the fact that your child 'stole the limelight,' what a silly woman she is! A party is for ALL to be enjoyed!

Even if she realises how pathetic she's been and apologises, take it as an insight to who she is and her group and you'll be a step ahead for the future.

Who needs "friends" like that even if you are new to the area? You never know, other Mothers may respect you for standing up for yourself - they will all hear about your reply. Let the cards fall. In my situation, I ignored the Mother in my class attitude and I can honestly say, from the experience I've had of her, I wouldn't choose to have her in my friendship circle but like you, at least I learnt this early on.

Oh dear, at 3 my da would have been a ballerina (complete with tutu) and my daughter may well have been a pirate (depending on her mood for the day!). I agree with everyone else be the bigger (wo)man and rise above it, don't reply to any more messages and avoid in the playgroun the woman is batshit!

My eldest (with ASD) wouldn’t have worn any costume at all. Wonder what she’d have made of that?

She’s a monumental twat op. With the emphasis on mental.

What a sad, pathetic woman. She needs to get a life.

Glitter 7... you are coming from the same place as me. Experience with 'mean girl attitude' be it at school, work or even with friends or family members! I'm beginning to find is best treated by stepping back and not getting into any conflict (mainly because some individuals want attention). My son said keep in mind 2 choices with these type of situations the first is either deal with it or the second which is let it go (but if you do the second, you do just that, let it go and don't look back or ponder on it any longer). If you keep quiet when this woman expects you to retaliate you may make her wonder about her actions.

I've had lots of vile messages in false names. and found out it is my daughter in law. To whom I have been nothing but nice .

Grasping at straws here, but did she go all out with her party daughter as in a lot of time effort and money went into her ballerina costume? Maybe if your son was a girl but the outfit trumped hers, she would have been just as pissed off (but wouldnt have had a leg to stand on re texting, so would have probably silently seethed)

I would never speak to here again, she is the insane one, and to think she had a right to send you a message like that!!!! There should be somewhere you can report her to........... for her shitty attiude

Ignore and avoid. You can't reason with psychos.

My daughter would have gone as a pirate. Definitely.

I am as passive as they come, second guess myself constantly and avoid conflict like the plague, but even I would respond with something like:
Don’t you dare talk to me like that. He came as a ballerina, which was one of the options you gave. Sounds like you have a problem that needs addressing.
And then don’t engage further.
How dare she?!

Here to point out that "ballerina" specifically describes a female dancer, while "ballerino" is the male version.

So technically the invite was "boys as pirates and girls can choose between being a pirate or a ballerina"

She sounds batshit cray, though.

Also, dancers only technically get the title ballerina or ballerino if they are signed to a ballet company and I am going to go out on a limb and say these kids weren't

@angell84 well I’m glad you didn’t move here then! Yes we are all racist... good bloody riddance you judgemental old cow

Sounds like she struggles with breaking stereotypes. I might try a parenting approach 'To my ear, that sounded rude. I wonder if you'd like to try to express your feelings again, using kind words?' 😆

I think she was very stuck on the 'ballerina' (female). Out of interest, were there any female pirates?