Birthday girl's mum sending me rude messages! AIBU?

[ReasonNorTreason]

DS was invited to a party with a theme of 'ballerinas or pirates'.

I sent DS as a ballet dancer (as he does dancing), in his usual leotard, shorts, tights and ballet slippers. It's a very friendly community and no 'sissy' comments or opinions as far as I know. DS got nothing but compliments from other parents, children were just excited to see him and no child commented on his outfit.

Anyway, just received a message 10 minutes ago saying the following

"So! You really had to put Joseph in something else didn't you! Why couldn't you stick to the theme? I think it's just unfair, if I'm honest. Not impressed. You aren't fucking sane".

AIBU to 1. Have dressed DS the way I did, and 2., think she must be drinking right now?

I'll be honest and say I'm annoyed at her text but really quite nervous to see her again at the nursery. What baffles me the most is we arrived with a friend who's DD wore a princess outfit and friend explained the situation that she just put on what she could grab - The woman who's text me just laughed and said not to worry at all! I assume she didn't say anything to me right then as DS still had his coat on when he arrived

I feel bad for you having to live there. Are there any nice people to be friends with? (Also a Brit in America but I am lucky to live in much more civilized bits of it clearly).

Well in all fairness OP, you knew your son and awesome and would steal the show. I guess it's good practice for his future career..

Only thing you need to worry about is making sure you do your "bless your heart" before she does.

What a crazy person!!!! I would message back and just say “ballet dancers or pirates wasn’t it, or have I missed something .....and if you could kindly refrain from speaking to me like that please and thanks “

Absolutely ignorant woman. Avoid her.

@pictish 😂😂😂

Oh. She’s southern. Well, get this: I was involved with a group of Navy couples - all career Navy, all pilots, ALL THE SAME RANK. Only difference was, I was a newlywed from California. Out of 7 or 8 couples, 3 were from Atlanta, Georgia & the wives pictured themselves as southern belles. Hahaha they sure didn’t mirror Gone With the Wind! They made sure to be condescending & snarky with me. Like I cared: I had completed university, worked for a famous politician. After dealing with slimy & unscrupulous politicians from all over, these women hardly presented a challenge. I was smarter, prettier and younger than they were.
Their smug & self-satisfied attitudes from being raised in the south (and you don’t get much more “southern” than Atlanta) was off-putting to this Californian. They were superior to others in ways that were laughable. I found their husbands to be nice - but henpecked. I felt sorry for them.
My ancestry is English - theirs, southern. To hear them tell it, their ancestors have been in Georgia for 800 (hahaha) years.
Just laugh. With them and mostly at them.
Keep your head high & don’t let the “belles” get you down. Trust me: they’ve got nothing to brag about - not even geography.
Come to California and I’ll show you Yosemite and the oldest trees in the world, the Giant Sequoias. I live at the foot of the Sierra Nevadas.
There truly are nice people in the USA - I’d be happy to prove that to you.

text back "fuck off you stupid cunt"

if she can be outspoken, so can you :-)

Exactly what @cybergran says. Exactly.

My Mum always said if you can’t take, don’t dish it out.
And that Mean Mum just can’t take it

I’d keep well away from her click of plastic Moms as well x x
They melt in the face of British repartee

I would message back and say you are considering suing her for being against equality of the sexes. Why should it just be the girls who could dressed as ballerinas? I think one of my daughters would have preferred going as a pirate! Shame on her.!

Bookmark

@DreamTheMoors I see why they weren't a fan of you. Did you mean to sound so snobby?

She sounds weird, maybe she thinks your son stole her childs thunder 😂
If she comes to you with any nonsense just swat her like the fly she is!

It’s what my son wears for dance too lol. I’m guessing her daughter has never done dance if she’s never seen it before

@Aria999 lol you feel bad for her - living in America?

Have you been in England recently? I went over last year to look at England, with a view to moving over.

I got out very quickly after seeing how unwelcome, nasty and racist people in the U.K. are. It is horrible there, and has just been illustrated perfectly with Meghan Markle ( American) having to leave the U. K.

I could not take the racism in the U.K. either. What is wrong with that country?

ODFOD

@angell84 Wow, you must have had a long trip to meet and get to know all 66 million Brits! What a silly sweeping statement to make. There are racists in every country, perhaps you were unlucky in the company you kept.

I don't deny that there are many unpleasant people here, but at least we're not having to warn our kids about getting shot to death at school. Oh well! Can't please everyone.

Wise up, angell84. I’m from NI and I visit England half a dozen times a year and I can tell that you’re talking shite. Coming from America and saying that England is more racist that America. Away ta fuck.

I think she probably is a bit crazy, or at the very least a complete sexist when it comes to gender stereotypes. I pity the birthday girl if her choices are going to be that limited. I sincerely hope your son doesn't harbour any long term feelings for the party girl when he is older. If the mother is like that now, imagine what a "mother of the Bridezilla" she could be by then. That really would be a nightmare. At least it's only nursery!

@angell84 no I didn’t say I feel bad for her living in America. I like living here. I feel bad there being surrounded by people who aren’t very nice to her by the sound of it. Could happen anywhere!

I disagree with you @angell84. I lived in Canada for a long time, but I prefer living in the UK. I have never experienced racism here, only acceptance and equality.

Canada is pretty awesome too, and a zillion times better than States at everything, but I still prefer living in UK.

In the* UK

Some weird and inaccurate stereotypes of Americans running around this thread.

OP, that's an appalling thing for her to have said. It's also really embarrassing for her. Because while the South is much more traditional (read: sexist and immutable) about gender, it also prizes politeness more than any other place in the States.

For her to openly swear at you in a text message is very not on brand for Southern femininity. That's why "bless your heart" is a phrase--it's a way of saying fuck you for people who can't say fuck you out loud.

She probably thinks you were making A Statement. This is considered impolite and judgmental. That said, I would expect her to respond with passive-aggression, not outright rudeness.

So: she's entirely in the wrong here, even within her own rules. And obviously boys can dance. Batshit sexist and awful.

All that said, I'm not sure the snarky comments about her weight are particularly kind. On a separate noteand this has nothing to do with how sexist and rude she was in her commentsI'd make sure that sneering of this sort doesn't come through in your interactions. Americans are very touchy about feeling judged by foreigners, and the more insular the people, the more true this is.

All said, again, she is sexist and appallingly rude. Wouldn't fly in any of the American circles I've run in.

Politeness is defined by region. America is not the Borg, nor is the US.
That which is called politeness in the south is rude in New York City and Seattle for entirely different reasons.

Creepster, totally. That swearing in that text wouldn't be totally unexpected in say, Jersey, though it would still be aggressive and pretty rude. But it would be really weird in most 'polite' circles in, say, Georgia.