Dp stormed out after I questioned the bacon, don’t know what to do now

[DoreenSamuel]

Dp and I both work ft and both do our fair share of looking after children and household chores. Food preparation is not really part of my allocation but I do more cleaning.

Anyway DP tends to do a lot of cooking on the weekend with a view to putting some things in the freezer and some things in the fridge for meals over the next few days.

He is a great cook and meals are always delicious. However I seem to have some irrational fear of food poisoning and I frequently ask questions about the food he’s making which seem to annoy him.

Today I noticed he was cooking a load of bacon and I was surprised as he’d already said he was making fish and chips for tea. I asked why he was cooking bacon and he said he was making stuffed jacket potatoes with cheese and bacon for a meal over the next few days. I apparently frowned and also said I didn’t think bacon would be safe to eat after being cooked and put in the fridge for a few days.

He became angry and told me to google it. He said he feels completely taken for granted and ‘nothing is ever good enough’.

He’s stormed out basically telling me to fuck off and make my own meals. He knows I can’t cook so I feel really upset he’s reacted in this way. I do feel bad because he’s spent almost the whole day meal planning to ensure we can’t eat home cooked healthy meals but I really don’t think his reaction was ok.

Aibu? If so how can I make this better, he’s not answering his phone.

I'm always amazed how people reach adulthood with this level of incompetence

Do you know why they put salt in bacon?

Oh and learn to bloody cook
It's really not complicated

YABVU

If I saw someone cooking bacon today to be eaten "in a few days" I'd wonder why they didn't cook it when they plan to eat it.
It is quick and easy to cook and can be stored in the freezer until you need it.

If it suits your family to split the cooking and cleaning then that's fine, as long as you're both happy with it.

I actually think he overreacted today - ignoring your calls seems unnecessary. Surely it's be better for him to talk sensibly about him being fed up or however he feels. This really isn't helping.

The poor man. Please text him and apologise. And learn to cook.

So you have food anxiety, but he does most of the cooking, and you question him every time and criticise.........has he ever given you food poisoning? Have you ever become unwell after eating? You need to back off or do all the cooking. He does it regularly and is quite good at it according to you. I doubt he's trying to poison himself- so either trust it, or do it yourself. I would have been highly unimpressed also.

This wasn’t a one-off reaction after a one-off comment. It’s probably been building from the questioning that you do of his food and this was the straw that broke the camels back. I would react angrily if I did all the cooking and the other person kept implying I didn’t know what I was doing or that it wasn’t good enough.

My husband does all the cooking. I can cook but have zero interest in it. Anyone can cook basic stuff. If he’s away (often), I cook for the kids but eat toast myself.

Anyway, you need to apologise.

I’d happily eat bacon that was a few days old 🤷‍♀️

Bacon keeps for ages.

he’s actually very kind and cooks me a different meal if I don’t like what he’s making already for the rest of the family.

Blimey. I wouldn't do that for DH and I wouldn't expect him to do that for me.

I’d get pissed off if DH did that. Does he follow you round when you clean and question your competency?

How ridiculous, anyone can cook, you just need to show some motivation.

Send him a text message with your apology so he can read at leisure. Make sure it's full Nd heartfelt because your behaviour is OTT.

YABU and should get some help for your food issues instead of putting it on your partner

he’s actually very kind and cooks me a different meal if I don’t like what he’s making already for the rest of the family.

Don’t let him do that. If you don’t like what he’s cooking cook your own food!

He sounds like a really good husband and is probably feeling undervalued and unappreciated right now. I would maybe have a think about a GP appointment if you really do feel that anxious about food poisoning. For now just apologise when you get hold of him and maybe surprise him soon with a nice meal!? I'm honestly not the best at cooking tbh but BBC good foods recipes are pretty much fool proof I find 😊

he’s actually very kind and cooks me a different meal if I don’t like what he’s making already for the rest of the family. And the other day he made me a cake because he said ‘just because I love you

Oh, OP, just send him a text that says "I am so sorry. I was wrong. I know how lucky I am and I don't blame you for being annoyed"

You maybe need to think about your fear of food poisoning, and whether it is connected to wider anxiety. Tell him it is your irrational worry, not a real worry about his actual cooking.

And stop being such a princess and eat what he cooks for the family.

My dh does this a bit too and it drives me insane so I can see where he’s coming from. Obviously I’m not planning on giving us all food poisoning, and neither is your dp.

YABU.

"However I seem to have some irrational fear of food poisoning ... "
Fear of food poisoning is actually pretty rational.

"... and I frequently ask questions about the food he’s making which seem to annoy him."
Well of course it annoys him! The implication of your question is that you think he is endangering your health. That he's careless. I'd be bloody annoyed if you did it to me.

Bottom line is, eat his delicious cooking and TRUST he knows what he's doing, or cook for yourself. Your food hang-ups are your problem; but you're making it his problem by implying he's going to poison you.

Deal with your fear, and apologise for offending him.

I can throw something together like chicken nuggets and smiley faces, obviously it’s much better (and nicer) if someone can cook healthy, tasty meals from scratch.

I agree I should make more effort, but really what’s the point when my DP can do such a better job? He makes roast dinners, chillis, curries, bologneses from scratch. Stir fry’s, pasta dishes all sorts really. He’s always saying nothing he cooks is complicated but he’s just so much better at it.

Maybe I should ‘cook’ him some as a peace offering. Wish he would answer his phone.

I can see you know you were unreasonable. The only way you can make this right is a heartfelt apology and validation of his right to be upset.

Then you need to have a chat. Explain it is your anxiety around food poisoning that causes you to question him and not because you dislike his cooking/don't trust him. Promise to work on your anxiety and to try to stop questioning him. You may slip up sometimes in which case he can remind you that you can either eat the food or make your own.

The other issue is DH doing all the cooking. Is he happy with that? Or would he sometimes like a night off or split it 50/50 (obviously then he has to do more cleaning). Saying you 'can't cook' is not really an excuse. You could learn some simple recipes to try. Even something like a frozen pizza in the oven and pre-prepared salad or beans on toast is dead easy and give him a night off.

Learn to cook. If a man had posted this OP he’d have had his arse handed to him. Not being able to cook is laziness imo.

When I first moved in with my DP he had no idea how to cook and would ask me similar questions to you and question things. I can see exactly why your DP snapped, I have done as well. He's now a very good cook!

Learn to cook OP for your sake, your partners sake and the kids.

I am exactly the same as you op. I have an irrational fear of food poisoning and would question reheating bacon too. I can and do cook, but I prefer not to, so like you, I drive my husband mad with questions about the food. How long have you cooked it, was it in date? Etc. My dh has a lot of patience with me, but I know I must drive him bananas. The only thing that helps me is when i cook myself.