to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

You’re very keen on pecking orders and places, aren’t you?

Oh the irony! Isn't that what you all are saying? That adults sit in the front, children in the back, because, well adults vs children hierarchy? Strange how its ok for some to have a pecking order, but when others have a different pecking order, you can't stand it.

Let me guess. Your parents split, your father remarried and you are still sulking about it. And/or you’ve split with the father of your children and can’t bear the idea of another woman being equally as important as your kids. In fact, you’d prefer it if your ex never became involved with another woman.

Lol I have to laugh. All that, simply because I believe children come before dad's current girlfriend, who may or may not still be there in 5 years time.
No. My parents were married 49 years until my father passed away in 2016. It was their only marriage for each of them. My husband and I have been together for 22 years. Two children (son, daughter) and have been together all that time.

In fact, I think it's this stability that makes me understand how vitally important family is, and how your children should always come before your latest current date.

The OP isn't actually married to the guy, she doesn't even live with him. So your comparison of marriage makes no sense. Of course it would be different if they were married or at least living together as an actual couple. As it stands, she's only their dad's girlfriend.

This thread just shows how different everyone is. I'm always offering to sit in the back / insisting on letting people sit in the front - especially children or old people. I'd never dream of asking to sit in the front myself.

I believe children come before dad's current girlfriend, who may or may not still be there in 5 years time.

If dad's current girlfriend has to keep playing second fiddle to the DC, it's likely 'may not' will be the case in the above statement.

you were very silly op and self centred. what hard work.

I'm team Rampant cow as well

I don't think it's ridiculous.

Height of bad manners to let a child sit in the front and put an adult in teh back seat. I'm 49 though, maybe things have changed.

It would have been a real bone fide ''dis'' in my day.

If dad's current girlfriend has to keep playing second fiddle to the DC, it's likely 'may not' will be the case in the above statement.

If you go by the OP, she suggests this (the girl sitting in the front) is the first time it has happened - "when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company".

If she cannot even sit in the back for half of ONE ride, just once, then lets hope it is 'maybe not'!!

Oh FFS really? What a way to earn respect from the kids. You are an adult not a child. My DS is 10, he has always sat in the front when we go out as a family. Back from when he first met my partner 6 years ago. Nothing has ever been said.
Why make such an issue over something so petty?

Yanbu.

I'm quite sure that if the driver had been a woman dropping her DC back at their dad's and her boyfriend demanded that the DC move so he could sit in the front, the response on here would have been different.

Whether or not it should be adults in the front, the OP asked a different question:
"AIBU to have refused to go...?"
And yes, she was BU. She made a total infant of herself by refusing to go, and put the child in a horrible situation by rowing about it in front of her.

If I was her partner, that would be a big red flag. If the OP was unhappy with the situation, she should have discussed it with him later, in private.

I'm quite sure that if the driver had been a woman dropping her DC back at their dad's and her boyfriend demanded that the DC move so he could sit in the front, the response on here would have been different.

100% agree, @WanderingBar

You don’t see the Queen demanding to sit in the front seat alongside the driver/the worker because that seat shows respect. She sits in the back, because that’s the seat that’s the genteel position.

WanderingBar Sun 19-Jan-20 16:10:25
I'm quite sure that if the driver had been a woman dropping her DC back at their dad's and her boyfriend demanded that the DC move so he could sit in the front, the response on here would have been different.

Fuck yes! This! So this!!! (er, sorry, I'll sit down and stopping clapping now ) I am literally stunned at what I am reading on this thread. Thank goodness someone else sees logic and common sense.

I'm not sure, whether YANBU or YABU. I would move to the back if it was my inlaws/parents etc just as a point of respect for my elders. (I am an adult of 40, just for context) but in this case I think I may have just let the dd sit there because it is far easier to converse with someone sat in the front and she barely sees her dad I assume.

It was his kids time not yours.

You don’t see the Queen demanding to sit in the front seat alongside the driver/the worker because that seat shows respect. She sits in the back, because that’s the seat that’s the genteel position

I think the back seats might be a tad more roomy in a chauffeur driven Rolls, than in the average family car!

i do think if George was in the front and Charlotte and Louis were in the back, she’d be wanting in the front seat then

Im.beginning to wonder if anyone reads fairy stories with a stepmother theme anymore? The point of these stories is that stepmothers who want to come first with their man often come to a sticky end. Wise to understand that before any committment.

The point of these stories is that stepmothers who want to come first with their man often come to a sticky end. Wise to understand that before any committment.

Just when I think I’ve read the most bizarre reply to a step mum thread along comes another one.

You should have called shotgun

That was a pathetic thing to do op. You could have used your time seating in the back with his other dd to bond/chat during the journey. Instead you acted like a selfish, nasty woman. Is this the way you behave around your own children? If so it is a terrible example to set.

I have only read one page but I totally agree with you. If I’m out with my DC, one will usually be in the front but if see anyone and offer a lift, or go to pick someone up then they are told to hop into the back.
It’s disrespectful to you and a bloody cheek. It would be different if she were travel sick - but that wasn’t stated as the reason so I think you acted perfectly well.

YANBU for reasons already said

How silly of you. His DS was already sitting there.