to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

Isn’t it safer for children to sit in the back ?

No, she should have got in the back. Yanbu

I’m with you OP, there’s no way I would sit in the back seat while a nine year old sat in the front. Adults in the front seats & children in the back, it’s safer that way too.

I think grownups should be in the front.

@PGtipsplease ooh I like that rule!! Think it's going to be well used now in our house!

OP - what is your dp’s take on what happened?

Plus YANBU OP. I think it looks ridiculous when an adult is sitting in the back and a small child in the front for no reason(car sickness etc aside) and is very bad manners.

I agree with you I'm afraid.

I think it looks ridiculous when an adult is sitting in the back and a small child in the front for no reason(car sickness etc aside)

How do you know the reason to judge whether it looks ridiculous or not?

My DD always had the front seat but that was because she was car sick and being in the back involved projectile vomiting. I was happier in the back.

I think YANBU OP.

When we pick up DH's parents, I sit in the back. Our DC always sit in the back if there are adults in the car.

Really? You have behaved worse than the children. What absurd petulant behaviour. the little girl must have been quite upset by your behaviour.

I think the OP’s problem is not just about the dd being sat in the front but the bigger issue of her “getting away with things”. Sounds like this tipped you over boiling point Op. it’s tricky because I agree that the adult should sit in the front - it’s natural on a longish journey you would want to sit and chat to your other half, however I’m not sure that you should be going on the journey back to the mum’s house anyway - I would leave them to it. It could’ve been handled better too, maybe just said “look, I don’t fancy sitting in the back so why don’t I give it a miss this time so dd can sit in the front”. Even though you may have been seething inside it would’ve been the more adult thing to do.
This would raise red flags to me though about problems in the future, espcieally if you’re planning on moving in together.

I always thought it was adults in the front,
Kids in the back.

But i do notice quite a few children these days sit in the front and find it quite odd

I would develop travel sickness op, you will find you feel much better off you sit on the front.

Can’t believe the grief you are getting for this. How could this possibly upset a child?

I'm with you on this, it would piss me off.

Real red flag behaviour by OP

DP has x2 children - he really doesn’t need a petulant third!

I do thing YABU - unless there are circumstances such as your being unable to sit comfortably in the back, or the child being deemed unsafe in the front. Pick your battles!

I'm surprised theres such a split, I think this is one of the more pathetic things I've ever read.

My partner always shifts his children to the back for me to sit in the front, unless it's a super short journey when I'd just jump in the back. There's more leg room in the front so makes sense for the adults to sit there really.

Wow so surprised about these responses, I would never let any of my children including the one older than 9 sit in the front when there was an adult in the car. Totally agree with what you did!!

There's a lot more leg room in the front, so the tallest person sits there, which is usually an adult. There's no way I would sit cramped up in the back while a 9 year old was in the front, you could have handled it better for sure, but YANBU.

@jacquesHammer fair point, I didn't put it quite right. There may be a reason (like car sickness) for the child to be in the front, but I still think it looks ridiculous. And if no reason, then it's bad manners imo.
Pensively waits to see if this passes muster

realises I couldn't care less, but may as well post anyway

I think this is an example of other issues within the relationship of all of you.

I think he should have said to you
'Pixie is in the front, can she stay here and you sit in the back?' Then that shows respect to you as the adult and how adults work together.

I think letting her sit in the front and basically telling / demonstrating you have no importance is a message she/ both kids will pick up on and play you off.

Is it always the same child in the front?

Maybe being together isn't in your destiny sorry.