to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

Yabu? He sees her part time. He can chat better with her in the front. I think it’s a nice thing to do. You could move to the front after he dropped her off. Seems childish of you tbh and generally not very nice.

YABU

My dc used to squabble about who was in the front. You’re acting like one of them.

Dd was already sitting there. You acted like a petulant child.

Mumsnet...he should put his children first, he is their parent

Also Mumsnet...he should have told his daughter to sit in the back how disrespectful.

Being jealous of a child's time with the NRP is not a good look OP, not a good look at all.

If it wasn't for you saying that he lets her get away with things I would side with yabu

But as he does

YANBU.

I suppose you think that teachers don’t deserve the respect of their pupils until they have ‘earned it either?

I expect a child to respect the role of teacher. They do as they’re told. They’re civil. I don’t immediately expect my child to like/respect an individual just because they’re a teacher. I think furnishing children with the idea that you won’t like or respect everyone, but sometimes you need to do as they wish because of their position is a healthy life lesson.

As a general rule, adults should get the front seat for long journeys (an hour or more) because they have longer legs so the front seat is more comfortable.

There might be common sense exceptions, e.g. DC who gets car sick, 14 year old lad who is 6 foot tall, but as a general rule it should go to an adult.

Wow. I really hope you don't have children in your care. Vile attitude.

Most amusing. I have managed to raise two well adjusted children into adulthood with this "attitude".

They defer to me like I defer to my elders (abusive or "vile" situations aside). It's just how it is.

Grow up op, there are people out there with real problems and if this a what you get your knickers in a twist about, count your blessings, you have an easy life.

And yes, respect is not something you get for being an adult. It’s something you get for behaving like an adult! Teachers get it by virtue of being experts and professionals (and lose it otherwise as would I from my colleagues if I were unprofessional).

My DC would always give up a seat to someone who needed it (or sit in my lap as neither is yet too big) but that’s not respect that’s kindness and consideration which are completely different things and non-negotiable.

Oh in my lap in public transport, not in a car!

I remember the exact same thing happening to me. Only happened once mind.

I can see exactly what’s going on here because i experienced it. Guilty Disney dad letting DC’s call the shots and wrap him round their little finger. There is so much more to this gesture than “oh stop being so petty”. It’s sending a clear message that his DD is in charge of the adults.

In this case I think the elder DC probably went in the front on the way there and this was the younger DCs turn as a PP has pointed out. You could have sat in the back and chatted to the other child.

You say that you leave them to it on his contact weekends so you don't see them or hang out with them? The only time you see them is in the car on the way home? And you expect them to move seat in their last hour with their dad? I can see why they might be sulky about this situation.

Yep, Mellow. Your point (which is correct) seems to be whizzing right over the head of all the "she was there first and/or you are vile" responders

I wouldn't allow it from a safety perspective. Children are safest in the back and unless over 135com she should be in a car seat.

Of course you should have been in the front!!
You are the adult, since when has it been any different. Perhaps this is why we have a culture of entitled children

Absolutely agree on both points.

Initially I thought YABU, but actually agree with a PP who said it depends on the family. I would definitely get out of the front seat if we were picking up my mother (89) - and my DD (22) would do the same for my mother, sister or me. So I suppose it's an age/respect issue but I can't say we've ever talked about it, and if DD wanted to be in the front for any reason, I wouldn't mind.

They defer to me like I defer to my elders

Fuck that. Mine treat everyone with equal respect as it is deserved, regardless of age.

Adults take priority for front seats in our house. Kids don't resent it if they know that's how it works (as AF similarly said above) They get the benefit of being driven around! Amazed at the number of posters who put kids in the front over adults.

Petty to treat seat position in the car as a hierarchy. But your partner was VVU to let a 9 year old I the front seat when the recommendation is 12. It's terribly unsafe.

I can see exactly what’s going on here because i experienced it

Or of course you’re projecting you’re own experience onto a few lines of info. Everyone is doing just that - making their own opinion. Nobody can say with any fact exactly what is happening.

I've just read the first page and amazed at how many 'she was there first' responses! Its basic courtesy that adults sit in the front and I would make any child of mine get out if I was picking up an adult (actually they would jump out without prompting).
People are quick to say how children's behaviour has deteriorated yet do not teach them how to behave properly.
If there is a specific reason (car sickness) or if the kids are so badly behaved they need separating then ok, but otherwise it's just poor manners.

Hmmm - when I was a child I ALWAYS moved to the back when we picked an adult up.

However from the child/dads perspective perhaps she wanted to spend the journey closer to dad before being dropped off so in this case yes I think YABU.

Yabvu

She was in the car first.
You’ve behaved like a petulant child!

Anyfucker

I got the point but the way to counter that behaviour is by rational conversation between adults not descending to the same level and getting into a tit for tat situation.

She may have been in the car first but in my opinion and what we've always done when I was a child and with ds now is she got in back from her dads or was told she moved to back when adult was picked up.

If an adult wants another adult to do an hours trip with them for company then they sit in the front and provide company.