to have refused to go because DP expected me to sit in back?

[Fauxfurrealwhiskey]

Wee bit of context before I start: DP has two DDs aged 11 and 9. He has a lot of residual guilt over leaving them/their mum back when they were little (years before we met) and consequently he lets his youngest daughter in particular get away with an awful lot that he shouldn't imo.

We've been dating for two years and don't live together.

He's on his way to drop them back to their mums, when I don't have my DC and am free I usually go along to keep him company (hour drive each way) so agreed to again this time.

He turned up to pick me up with his DD2 in the front seat. As I approached the car he told me I was in the back. I asked if I could sit in the front. He said she wanted to sit in the front. I told him in that case to go ahead without me then as I'm an adult and not a child so he could pick me up on the way back if he wanted instead and went back in the house. No big row or a scene of anything. I just wasn't willing, as a grown adult, to sit in the back while a 9 year old sits in the front. I would never dream of doing the same to him with my DC.

AIBU to think that adults get priority over children in terms of sitting in the front of the car? It's just basic manners imo.

Or is that horrendously old-fashioned of me and I've been a rampant cow?

So many variables I often feel queasy spring in the back so probably would've done the same, I don't think it's automatic though. My DF is shorter than me and if he gets in our car insists on sitting in the back, her days he's only got little legs and I think he likes messing about with DS, he's also rubbish with directions so I'll either be navigating ( DH is also renowned for getting lost), or driving and DH is 6'4 and DF is 5'7. However we're all adults. As a child I would've expected to sit in the back of there was an adult other than the driver in the car and I'd expect DS to do the same when he's old enough to sit in the front. At nine is she not in a booster anyway?

happycamper11 135 or 138cm are not tall enough to be safe - 150cm is the minimum height to be safe especially if you have an airbag. Skeletal structure is also key and a 9 year old who hasn't started puberty is still too fragile to cope with an airbag deploying even I'd they're on the 99th centile for height.

135cm is just UK car seat law related, it has nothing at all to do with being safe in the front.

I can’t believe how few people are taking into account the fact that the children and their Dad have likely built up a routine for their trips and seem to think a new gf should just trump that on the basis she’s older

More importantly folks also seem to be missing the fact that the children usually move into the back for the OP - that suggests there is a reason the Dad let his DD stay where she was for that journey. Kids talk in the car, there could have been a multitude of reasons why he decided to piss off the OP on this occasion rather than shift his DD

I've always had the rule that adults are in the front and kids in the back. We went out with in laws last night and I sat in the back so FIL could sit in the front. It's basic manners here.

She should have sat in the back

I'm in my 30s. If we drove to pick up a couple older than me, I would get in the back. It's the way I was brought up. It is respectful

Hmm. In general, I think children are in the back and adults at the front but in this case, it’s a bit rude to demand she gets out when she was in there first.

Am very surprised by the response here. There is more leg room in the front. It is safer for a child to be in the back. An adult in the front can talk more easily to the driver. As his partner, I would expect him to converse with you if he wanted you to keep him company. You should give the front seat to those whose physical needs (i.e. size or difficulty getting in and out of the car are greater than others). I still sit in the back if my parents want to sit in the front. I'm with you OP. If he wants to spend time conversing with his kids, then fine, but don't invite you along for company.

@xmaself24 why did FIL get priority over MIL?

My FIL can be pretty misogynistic but wouldn't expect me to sit in the back of our car. If we go to pick them up we stay in the front seats and they get in the back

Remind us again, which one of you is the child??

I would have gone along with it for this trip but made it clear that it was a special treat.

I don’t think she should be in the front seat at all if she is quite small.

I now sit in the back because DS1 is over 6’.

There is more leg room in the front.

Well if OP needs more leg room she could've asked DSD to move the chair forward couldn't she.

Deja vu...

Well obviously they couldn't both sit in the front passenger seat so I let them decide which of them sat there.

YABU

“Yes I could've just got in the back but it just feels disrespectful to me and like it sets the wrong precedent.”

You realise you’re not the Queen and she was there first , right?

Well if OP needs more leg room she could've asked DSD to move the chair forward couldn't she

Moving the chair forward doesn't necessarily provide as much legroom as sitting in the front. In fact, unless the OP's partner drives a limousine, even with the front seat at maximum forward, the space will be far less than that afforded by the footwell.

@TheMemoryLingers unless OP is 6'7" I can't see it being that much of an issue

Nugget

I make DS sit in the back of there another adult with me (normally it's my mum or my aunt) but sometimes he beats his dad to the front and sits there .

But in your situation where he doesn't live with his girls and you would have sat in the front in the way back when he'd dropped them off then I think YABU.

unless OP is 6'7" I can't see it being that much of an issue

Depends on the type of car. I'm only 5'3 and feel cramped in some small cars if sitting in the back, even with the seat moved forward. Especially if it's the sort of car that doesn't have doors at the back.

So if a friend asked you to come along on a car journey to keep them company - doing them a favour - and then discover for half the journey you are sat in the back effectively NOT keeping them company?

Two hours in a car when you aren’t getting any benefit is hard going without being shoved in the back

AND yes my kids would move for an adult, same as we did as kids and still do now.

If my Mum or gran or aunts got in the car, I’d go in the back.

The fact is OP didn't mention leg room or child safety. She is moaning that she is 'an adult not a child', ironically, and therefore sulked off.

My FIL insists that if we pick him up I vacate the front seat - because he’s the man. Makes me livid.

How on earth is sitting in the front of a car more ‘respectful’?

Some of you have some real issues around control.

The kid was sat next to her dad, probably having a really good chat and enjoying each other’s company, I think you were pretty self absorbed on this OP it wasn’t about you sitting in the back it was about DD sitting in the front.

It seems to have been discussed between them if he told you straight away.

Best thing would have been to say that you don't travel well in the back & would stay behind imo.

So his other daughter was on her own in the back?

I agree though that if it's to keep him company on the way back & you are in the front then it seemed odd to make such a thing.

Perhaps his other daughter will want to be in the front next time to make it fair!