Children's comments that cut you deep (light hearted)

[MakeItRain]

I was off sick recently with flu, and when I finally went back to work (I teach young children) a child in my class happily said "oh, you're back. I thought you were dead!" She didn't look all that bothered either 😭 Luckily I did also get a lot of hugs from others in my class.
AIBU to ask what's the most forthright comment a child has ever made to you?

DD wondered why I was putting on make up before going out. 'No one's going to be looking at you are they?'
Friend's DS asked her what it was like when she was alive.
I've also been told not to bother making a birthday cake seeing as shop bought cakes are so much nicer. Children are shady.

@fafffaffmorefaff 😂The mouths of babes!

My daughter to my mum...

DD: Nanny, why are your boobies so big?
DM: Because I’m a grownup lady and that’s what happens. They’re to feed babies.
DD: But then why are they so FLOPPY??

On holiday in the campsite showers with dd then 6: Mummy, your boobs look like goats ears.

I was doing supply teaching in a secondary school and a year 7 asked me when my baby was due. He did have the good grace to look embarrassed when I told him I wasn’t pregnant I didn’t wear that dress again...

Oh another one I've remembered. Quite a birthday, my dd announces that the queen is 93, a little bit older than you mummy. I was 38!

Last few weeks we’ve had -

“Mummy your legs are too prickly so let’s not get in the bath together”

“Mummy I don’t need you - grandma can look after me! You just need to go to work.”

“Mummy your bottom is very big!”

And today in the park...watching me do the monkey bars (not very well)

Arches his brow and says “well you’re not very fit anymore are you.”

Before I had him I was a size 8, ran about 50 miles a week, went to 2 hour bikram or dance sessions three times a week, and now I can’t run for a bus.

He’s 3.

(Whilst stroking my belly) “mummy your new jumper is so soft and your tummy is so fat” 😳 I also get called “mummy bummy” regularly as well.

My ds is only 17 months but a couple of classics from my teaching days.

Year 1 child asked me if I've got a baby in my tummy (I didn't!)

Reception child asking me about my marital situation: "miss X, are you married?"
Me: "no"
Child: "well who do you live with then?"
Me: "I live with some friends" (student house share as I was a student teacher)
Child: "you mean... you don't even have a man to live with?!?"

"Don't worry Mummy, you're not greedy, you're just fat" DD1 age 3......

This isn't mine but a friend of mine. She is a teacher, and a very popular one. When she was turning 30 another teacher mentioned in passing that 'Miss Smith has a big birthday coming up' and her year 7 form - who were lovely and very sweet - got one of their mums to buy her a big card. Which said 'happy 40th' on it. They weren't trying to be mean in any way, they just genuinely assumed my friend (who is very young and glamorous looking!) was a decade older than she is...

When I told the children in my class (Year 3, so 8 year olds) that I was pregnant, there were many congratulations.

One girl just nodded sagely, and said ‘Ahhhh, I did think you were getting a bit fat, but I didn’t want to say anything’.

"Mummy, when you were little, did people have clothes?"

from DS when he was about 4. I think he pictures my childhood as something like the beginning of 2001 Space Odyssey.

Ds aged 5 said mummy you do look weird without your makeup. You need that makeup don't you!

Cheers kid.

I have been asked more than once by secondary school students what I did during WW2. And once what I did during WW1.

Another one, said only 2 days ago by same child but now aged 6. Mum you look different today, I'm not sure what it is, hmmm that's it, your eyebrows are nearly touching! I quickly ran to the mirror thinking have I smudged them into a monobrow but I hadn't! They were totally normal and un Gallagher esque.

I have been asked more than once by secondary school students what I did during WW2. And once what I did during WW1

That's better than being asked if wearing animal skins was itchy, y'know, when I lived in a cave...

I'm crying with laughter reading these 😂

Ds had chicken pox and said to me that my face was all spotty too. Not wrong, but I didn't even have his excuse.

"watch out for the lady running Olivia"
"Jogging. Daddy she's jogging"

Little shit.

I was sitting on the floor with my brownies. I tried to get up and struggled. I chuckled and said " oh dear I am feeling old
today "
One brownie turned and said " don't worry Brown Owl you don't look a day over 50! "

“Why do you have old hair on a young face?”. I went grey very early.

When I grow up and I'm a woman, I won't have a moustache like you will I?

I was reading DGD3 a story and she was sitting quietly next to me stroking my hand and listening intently. Suddenly she said " Granny, why does your skin feel like a chicken's [Slight pause], when it's dead?"

I also get called “mummy bummy” regularly as well.

Me too!