Children's comments that cut you deep (light hearted)

[MakeItRain]

I was off sick recently with flu, and when I finally went back to work (I teach young children) a child in my class happily said "oh, you're back. I thought you were dead!" She didn't look all that bothered either 😭 Luckily I did also get a lot of hugs from others in my class.
AIBU to ask what's the most forthright comment a child has ever made to you?

After I came home from the hairdressers
“!Oh mumma, I love your LEGO hair.”

Playing Octonauts while Swimming when I was heavily Pregnant
“You can be the blue whale cause your huge”

Dd age 4 snuggled up to me in bed one morning. "Mummy, I can smell you" she said. Slight pause, lovely cuddle, me thinking how cute she is, then "Its yucky!!"

"You're not the best cooker in the world mummy. ...Daddy is".
I put on a dress and make up. Ds: "What's going on?" Me: "Do I look nice?" Ds: "No, you look cold"
Me to 1yo: "Mummy loves you so much, you are mummy's special, precious little angel and I love you" 1yo: Slaps me round the face.

'You're tummy is so squidgy and floppy'. It's not that bad, I'm only size 12. :)

Also
'I like your wrinkles mummy'

Going into restaurant loos with my heavily pregnant friend, and her 4 year old daughter who is also my goddaughter. As we go into separate stalls I hear this exhange;

"Mummy, why is Ralph coming to the bathroom too?"
"Because Ralph needs to use the loo as well."
"Is that because she has a baby in her tummy like you?"
"No silly, Ralph isn't having a baby."
"Then why is her tummy so fat?"

The woman in the third stall absolutely roared.

Same kid, 10 years later. A group of us are in a very busy cafe, queuing for a table, where the staff shout out the names of bookings when a table comes free. They have to be very loud, and one guy in particular had a very powerful voice. I gazed wistfully at him and murmured to my now teenage goddaughter, "I'd hire him to come and shout at me any day."
She beamed and said helpfully, "Yeah, he could shout things like GET TO THE GYM FATTY."

That one has gone down in folklore and my stepsons still say it to me now. In fact that's probably really outing...

I used to work in a nursery. I once got asked 'when is the baby coming out of your tummy?' along with an affectionate pat on said 'baby'. I was a size 12!

Oh, and there was also the time I had a horrible acne breakout on my chin and despite my attempts to conceal it, got 'Miss! You have CHICKEN POX!'

When I did my first 5k DH recorded me on the final stretch, DH says "look kids here comes Mummy"
DD shouts "look at her DS1, she looks like Miss Trunchbull"

DS4 in seeing me in fancy dress as a Disney princess "oh Mummy, you look beautiful...it's just a shame your not thin"

Yesterday my 3yo said "mummy you shouldn't wear that skirt, your bottom is too big for it"

Lolling at some of these.

Best one for me is a teacher one. I'm wearing my new boots, very pleased with them. A child (Y1) says 'my Nana's got them boots'

DH bought some new shirts for work today, one of them in a kind of checked pattern. He tried them on and we agrees it really suited him. Then DS(5) piped up "oh I love it Daddy, it's just like Mr N's!" (Mr N being not-so-fashionable head teacher at DS's school).

Mummy when you were little were the dinosaurs alive?

My son saw a deflated wrinkled balloon and said mummy that looks like your belly. 🤣🤣

DD2 age 5 combing my hair.... "Your hair looks lovely like this. You look like Hagrid."

Dd1 aged about 6 learning about the Victorians “was that when you were a girl mummy”.

“Perhaps Daddy can make my birthday cakes from now on” after one of her guests had described my cake as “odd”

My 4 yr old niece asked me what happened when I went to the hairdressers. I explained that I’d had my hair put in foils and then the last cut it etc etc.

She leant forward in her car seat, confused, and said to me “but it doesn’t look any different?”

£140 well spent.

I went to pick DD (21 with learning difficulties) up from respite today. When I walked in she looked upset.

‘Are you ok?’ I asked.

DD screws up face, ‘Your trousers are weird; I don’t want to come in the car with you.’

3yo DS absolutely insisted he join me in the bathroom while I went for a poo. I did try and insist back that he stayed outside, but no, in he came. He then rested his hands on my thighs while I was on the loo, stared at me in total silence then when I reached for the toilet roll he erupted into “URRRRR MUMMY! That’s DISGUSTING! Smelly! URR yuck!” and started hammering on the door trying to get out. Of course, that was the precise moment DH happened to be on the stairs with two electricians. Lovely.

OMG laughing so much at some of these

3 year old DD "lost" in the soft play (crying)

Don't worry DM is here!

"I'VE LOST MY DADDY"

DM is here!

"I LOVE MY DADDY"

sigh

When my DS was 2, he'd push his hands into my stomach and say delightedly, you're just like a bouncy castle Mama

My then 3yo DD once said to me, apropos of nothing:

'You do know Grandad's not your real dad?'

Wouldn't be drawn further.

I was unsettled for about a minute, until I remembered that I am the absolute image of my dad 😄

My sibling who's 20nyrs younger when a toddler came into cubicle with me as was babysitting as loudly why do u have fluffy stuff down there..
The woman in cubicle next door laughed..
It wasn't even bad.. She's now a late teen and I have a toddler.. I'm praying for payback

mum you look like 75 when you don’t do botox

I’m only 40 bloody 1