Children's comments that cut you deep (light hearted)

[MakeItRain]

I was off sick recently with flu, and when I finally went back to work (I teach young children) a child in my class happily said "oh, you're back. I thought you were dead!" She didn't look all that bothered either 😭 Luckily I did also get a lot of hugs from others in my class.
AIBU to ask what's the most forthright comment a child has ever made to you?

My son (8) was playing around with my phone the other day, taking some pictures. He comes up to me and says “Mummy, look at this, you’ll like it - I took a nice photo of your luxurious bottom”.

That’s how I want my butt size and shape to be described from now on!

Getting changed for dd’s first swimming lesson back after Christmas...
“Wow dd, you’ve really grown. We’ll have to get you a new swimming costume”
“Yes mummy...you need a new one too”
I may have overindulged slightly over the Christmas period 😒

Walking down the toilet paper aisle in Asda when dd1 was little she loudly exclaimed “Mummy, that lady stinks!”, the lady heard and turned around to look at us horrified, and said “what of?”, “perfume!” DD1 replied - Phew!!! 😩

“Mummy, your breasts are funny!”

“Why is your tummy so wobbly?”

Because of you, mate, but cheers.

I make a point of never making any comment about body size yet my son copied a very "waddling" walk of an elderly retired vicar at church and asked why he had such a big bum. He also asked the same very lovely man during his blessing why he had no hair so basically calling him fat and bald. Good thing the poor man has a sense of humour. I could have died.

My mum was at the lawyers arranging a divorce from my dad. At the time Peter Sutcliffe was all over the news and being 4 I told the lawyer that he looked like "the bad man off the telly" to say my mum was mortified was an understatement!

Very outing, this one. I still tell people.

I'd been showing my dd (3) that although our eyes look green, if you look closely they're blue and yellow. The next morning, snuggled in bed with me, gazing lovingly into my eyes: "Mummy, your eyes are blue, and yellow, and RED!"

Why should I help wash up, that's a mother's job.

I didn't wash up for a week.

"You need to get a job!" when I was a SAHM but told him we couldn't call at the shop for sweets on our way back from nursery as I had no cash on me

"Why is your bum so big and jiggly mum?"

"You're not a fun mum any more" said after going back to work and getting that job he said I needed

"I love you mum. I think I love you that much I'd probably miss you if you were dead" ...err, thanks son, for such a backhanded morbid compliment

"Hey mum, you're so sexy!" in public

He'd previously asked what 'sexy' meant, but at 6 didn't want to go into it too deeply, so just said it meant 'good looking'

So when he shouted out this pearler in public, and I'd said "please dont say things like that" he answered with "but why, you are good looking mum"

Ffs!

Mummy, (ds2) you are juicy fat and firm.

Ah yes. Super worm......

Sicasaparrot

Daddy has little boobies. Yours are big mummy. (Ds2 again)

"So boys have penises, but what's the name for your brush bit?". I booked in for a wax after that

DD aged 3 loudly in a quiet cafe asked what the man was doing, I quietly told her it was a lady. Long pause, hard stare, loudly followed by 'well what is the lady/man thing doing ?'

Me, aged about 9 going round the supermarket with one of mum's friends - "Look [friend's name], that woman's even fatter than you!"

Picking my DD up from school, she was about 4 at the time. She came running up to me for a hug. ‘Awwww.....’ I thought.
Then when she got close, stopped dead, held my face between her two hands and went “Ugh... Mumma, you haven’t put your make up on today!”
Then walked off! 🙄

My child yesterday, "Mummy, you're quite slim - for someone of your age."
Followed by a rambling explanation of why this was good as I am older than most mins but "a bit younger" than someone else's gran.

..Most mums not mins

These have made me lol.

My friends 3yo just walked up to me, pointed at my tummy & said ‘fat!’ Then walked off. 😂😂 savage.

My 2yo hysterically laughs every time I emerge from the bedroom dressed & just says ‘oh mummy.’ Every time! I’m starting to get a complex.

She also says her baby sister has boobie milk, then dry heaves & says YUK! She was also BF till she was 1. I resent it all, bastard kids.

My son asked my gran ( he was about 5 she was 95 ) if she had met Jesus when she was younger and if she used to have a camel 😂

“Mummy, when you were little did you have to wee in a bucket?” 🤣🤣🤣

Two and a half year old DG looked at her mum the other day and said ”mummy, you are my life”. Thankfully no insults yet.

When did you and Daddy start to see in colour, everything was black and white when you were young.

My 6 year old loves my tummy cause its so big and soft 😣 My 8 year old has told me to stop wearing glasses because I don't look so nice with them on.

And the 6 year old told me last week during a tantrum that he will move out, live by himself and that he doesn't need mom or any of his family anymore 😢 And then half an hour later he was kissing me, telling me I'm the best mom ever.. Go figure..