Children's comments that cut you deep (light hearted)

[MakeItRain]

I was off sick recently with flu, and when I finally went back to work (I teach young children) a child in my class happily said "oh, you're back. I thought you were dead!" She didn't look all that bothered either 😭 Luckily I did also get a lot of hugs from others in my class.
AIBU to ask what's the most forthright comment a child has ever made to you?

I recently got dressed up for a night out. Felt good apart from my hair (it needed some root touch up!)

I say to the kids "Does Mummy look nice?"

9 year old son says "Yes, apart from your hair!"

10 year old autistic DD says "I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to tell a lie!"

I love her! She totally cracks me up!

DS became a father at 18, and although the relationship with the mum has ended (they're still good friends) he's always had very regular contact with his ds, two nights every weekend. Dgs was about six when ds asked him if he'd still love him when he was old... "But daddy, you're already old!" (24)

This thread is hilarious!! DD is only 2 so not had any good ones yet really although the other day she pulled up the sleeve of my t shirt to stare at my stubbly arm pits and was pointing and hysterically laughing at them 🙈😄 I really need to teach her that body hair on women is ok!

When I was little we were driving over to visit a good friend of my parents, let’s call her Wendy. Apparently I declared loudly “Wendy’s fat.” Mum and Dad both turned round and said “No, no she’s not!” and I then said “Well she was yesterday.”

Mum .. why do you only paint half of your toe nails? Always half grown out nail polish on toes

Dd (2) walked in on DH in the shower pointed at his penis and laughed uproariously and shook her head.
Then every time she saw him she pointed at his crotch and said “Have you seen THAT?” And laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.
(Until DH went out cause he couldn’t handle the small persons brutal shade and it’s damage to his delicate male ego (his words))

My DH took my DS 3 yrs on a holiday for a few days. When they returned I gave DS a huge hug and said, "Oh Son, I missed you sooo much while you and pop were away....Did you miss me?"
DS: "Heck no, mommy...I was on vacation"
Me:

M’y sister and her newish boyfriend came on holiday with us. First time he had really met my two children, didn’t have much experience of kids etc... he tended to use a lot of hair products which made his forehead really quite spotty. DS1 walks straight up to him and says»have you got chicken pox too? I had massive spots like that when I had chicken pox!» argh, cringe!!

But next time we saw him he’d ditched the wax and started using Effeclar daily and his skin was heaps better!

Dd is obsessed with the kids film Madagascar, she has named us all after the characters. She is the funny zebra, her brother the lion (very apt), her dad the giraffe (tall, skinny, bit of a drama queen) and mummy is the hippo! My dh said she thinks I am the hippo character as she is the only female character, not sure I believe it.

Ds and I were practicing naming body parts (he is 2), I asked where his thumb was and he misheard and pointed to his bum. Laughing he said that he had a bum, so did his dad and sister but mummy has 'the' bum. To be fair it is big compared to the rest of my body, definitely need to do more exercise.

Dd also said I was a green dinosaur once, when I asked why she said because my leg was green
She was referring to a varicose vein!

Is there a baby in your tummy?

Asked by a number of kids over many years before I ever became pregnant. I'm not big but I do have a pregnant looking tummy!

“Did you know you have a whisker on your chin Mummy. Shall we get Daddy to shave it off for you?”

Another time
“Ha ha ha look at your boobies Mummy”.
Me

DS3 is 11 months old. I had on a new dress and was feeling fab in it. DS1 10yrs old walks into my room and says; "Why you wearing that dress? Your belly still looks pregnant!" 😭

I asked my dd how to do something on my laptop. She showed me and I commented, "Thanks, I didn't know how to do that!". She replied, "Of course you didn't Mum, you're old."
I used to be a systems engineer, back when computers were the size of houses!

My 10 year old looked at me in my bikini the other day appraisingly “ so much better now the rolls of fat have gone” . Recently lost 2 stone

Singing along happily while watching Grease with DP and DC and DS turned to me and said 'Could you lip sync mummy please, your singing is awful?'.

So, I'll never go on X factor saying 'My family all tell me I have a lovely voice!'.

Grandson asked if everything was black and white when I was young.

I'm going to be a mummy when I grow up .... that's lovely, you can be a mummy and have a job like I do.... no, I'm going to be a proper mummy and pick my children up from nursery 😢

I'm permanently disabled. One day my DS said 'When you get better will you play with me?' Broke my heart.

I suffer from dark circles around my eyes
One of my pupils said “miss who punched you in your eyes?”

The 2nd was when I came back after mat leave and a child said “your tummy is the same size as when you were pregnant”

Oh my gosh.. just remembered one from my own childhood. I told my great aunt she looked like a pterodactyl! (I think in my head that was a compliment though, so...)

Ds7 asked me recently if grandma was a zombie 'because she walks slowly and is very wrinkled'.

My train obsessed toddler.
‘Look train tracks’ while running a train over my forehead.

Apparently

My front bottom is dirty because I have black hair dots on it 😭 said by 18 month old son a few years ago. Never got over it.

My legs are sharp (from shaving, the hairs) so he wouldn't sit on my lap if I wore a skirt

My mouth is hairy (mostache)

He loves my squidgey legs 😭😭😭

Also shouted

"Don't forget to wipe your willy mum!" At a service station toilet. I could just hear sniggering from the cubicles

@woooooo that really made me laugh about the bike

Also I got told
"You have got the cutest, tiniest little tiny tiny boobs mummy"