Children's comments that cut you deep (light hearted)

[MakeItRain]

I was off sick recently with flu, and when I finally went back to work (I teach young children) a child in my class happily said "oh, you're back. I thought you were dead!" She didn't look all that bothered either 😭 Luckily I did also get a lot of hugs from others in my class.
AIBU to ask what's the most forthright comment a child has ever made to you?

At nursery (DS 3 aged at the time):

Teacher: What does Daddy do?
DS: He's very clever and works with computers...
Teacher: And what does Mummy do?
DS: Oh, she just puts skins in the bin...!

(To clarify, I worked 3 days a week, did the lion's share of childcare/housework and had just happened to put his banana skin in the bin that he'd eaten on the way to nursery!).

More recently, when he started Junior School he also had to write about his parents. Daddy is "great fun and works with computers" and Mummy "is crazy about washing"! Apparently we also live in a "fun, medium-sized house"!!

‘Turn around the other way mummy, I don’t like your breathe’. Not breath, she means my actual breathing. She’s four years old hates my perfectly normal breathing.

When my daughter was 2 she came into the bathroom whist I was just about to have a bath, I have a mole in the middle of my lower back and she said "oh look mummy, you've got a tail"

My DC (5): "Muuum, why do I have to listen to you all the time?! For how long do I still.have to listen to you?"
Me: "For the rest of your life"
DC: "No Mum, only for the rest of YOUR life!"

Another one, not verbal this tims. But a recent "family tree" assignment in school where everyone from the great-grandparents generation were carefully pictured as monkeys was a bit ouch. Did not show it to my parents yet, especially as they became a little bit religious as they got older.

My son had just come to live with me (age 4) and he was in the shower and I hear him go ‘thedarkpassenger I’ve drawn a picture of you on the shower come see, it’s got a fat head and frizzy hair’

Mint. Welcome to the family son 😂😂

I was babysitting my nephew. He drew a picture of me. There were little lines all over my legs. I told him I don't have hairy legs and he told me they were wrinkles.

DS: Mammy why do you wear makeup?

Me: To look pretty

DS: I don’t want you to look pretty, I want you to look like yourself

😂😂😂

You work in a school and children are hugging you?! Call the safeguarding police.

DD: You have a very big bottom mummy
Me sitting on loo: well it's not toooo big
DD: yes it is, look it's bigger than the toilet seat

I can remember helping out at primary school. A young boy said "You are old, like my Mum but she's fat too".

I once tried a maxi dress on with Son about 4 years old in changing room. I didn't wear maxi dresses. He started laughing and said "You look ridiculous". I didn't buy it.

I’ve once had a child ask me when will I be a full sized grown up! ( I’m 5ft 3)

Mummy I like that top on you but most things don't look good on you.

@bloodless that's quite cute, I think 😊

My 7 year old son just said tonight (as I was getting undressed) ‘your bum is so big and your boobies are so small! Shouldn’t it be the other way round?!’ Touché

Trying on clothes for a do my husband’s boss was hosting. My charming daughter, sitting on the floor in the fitting room, told me I looked “yuck”. 😭

OMG, comments from DD(2) to DH today were priceless. He had just got out of the shower, when DD walked into the bathroom and said "you got tail". I explained to her that it was his penis, and then she looked at him again, said "you got big tummy" and walked out.

I love your belly it's so squishy and big. Thanks Dd, thanks. Again it was you and a C-section that made it extra squishy!

My hair was in a terrible state - I’d stopped dyeing it, and had been quite ill - so I had it cut short a few months ago.

DM said it took ten years off me. DD (10) said I looked like a cow.

All 3 DC's (8 yo and under, watching a wildlife programme on TV, two lions mating. What are they doing Mummy? from the eldest. They're making babies, like we talked about, remember? Glancing sideways at his two siblings, said Yeuch! You had to do THAT, 3 times? I will never forget the look of horror on his face!

DS1 (5) telling PIL and Dh's grandma at Christmas, 'You've got lots of wrinkles Grandad, so has mummy- her tummy has got at least 57 wrinkles'
DS1 3 months after Ds2 was born last summer, gave me a big cuddle and stroked my stomach and said 'When is the other baby coming out of your tummy?'

Me to DD (almost 3) 'Love you lots and lots DD. You are my best girl'
DD 'Me like Kitkats best'.

DD ' No Daddy, not kiss Mummy. You get germs'

Years ago, I whispered in my two year old son's ear "Mummy loves you!" and his response was "Me not love you, me love [big sister's name]". Was cute that he adored his sister so much!

10 year old autistic DD overhears me talking about babies and says "Seriously Mummy, if you have another baby, I'm going to throw you off a bridge. Having a little brother (aged 9) is bad enough!"

DP and I are saying how much we love and appreciate each other on Christmas Day. DD says "please can you stop saying that, I feel sick enough as it is without you making it worse!" (She'd been feeling rough for a couple of days).