FIL to stay long term, I'm not enthusiastic...aibu?

[littlemisspigg]

My mil passed away recently and this is something I've always dreaded...my fil is likely to come and stay with us long term. I know it sounds selfish and insensitive, but he can be quite demanding in terms of food and entertainment. At this point in my life, there's a lot going on....I am in training and will need to sit exams soon, one child has GCSEs and the other will have them in 2 years time and then A levels, university applications etc etc....I can handle all that, but to have to cook special meals for one more person on my life will just tip me over. OH, well ...I have told him, but of course, he needs to weigh up the moral obligation of looking after his dad versus the needs of his own little family...how can I prevent his dad from coming over now (I'd be better prepared to take him on after about 5years as all these issues in my life would have settled)...or what to do? I'm really stressing about this as I'm not sure I'll be able to cope.

Oh good god I was initially thinking you were being mean but if he's coming from overseas and isn't a citizen here then there's no opportunity to palm him off onto social services, a care home or other relatives if he drives you up the wall. Do not allow this. Maybe instead let DH go out there on extended trips

The whole idea is nuts, OP, and if your FIL were to get a visa he would spend all his time complaining about the UK weather, your cramped home and your westernized daughters. Please protect your daughters from that scenario. Do not let this happen. He is fine where he is.

Why the hell would you risk your children's education, your marriage, the health of an elderly man who has no NHS entitlement nor any apparent desire to move here, all to martyr yourself at the feet of a lazy, self-serving husband who is too chicken to tell a friend that his idea won't work for your family?

Your FIL has suitable accommodation, a care set-up and family where he lives. Your DH and his brother should go and visit him, and ensure that everything is in place in his own home.

Inertia has it in a nutshell.