To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

OP, thank you for speaking up on the poor abused child's behalf. All these people criticising you and calling you prejudiced are totally missing the point. That mother is a piece of shit. I have to admit I have seen mothers physically assaulting their children and given them dirty looks but I have been to cowardly to confront them. You were brave to speak up for the child. I hope you will do it again if you have the misfortune to see that again. That poor little child.

@itwaseverthus so don't, be miserable here, but know that you're in the minority of people who don't love this country. It's a shame you're so unhappy... But go on, be a martyr then, because that makes sense...

Thank you @Weareallquare 21st century on a site supposedly for parents, if you don't speak the right politics you are a shit mother. Crazy

@Retroflex I have no idea why you think I loathe Scotland?

Seriously @itwaseverthus don't be so obtuse, you said it yourself. "There is so much I loathe about Scotland"

Well true, I did say there is so much I loathe about Scotland but I was referencing the political situation and didnt make that clear, I apologise. I adore my country. I am Scottish to my boots. I just loathe what I feel is a degeneration with an obsession that is being run by an abomination. And for the record, I voted AYE in 2014.

Defending the child was admirable, but the racially charged comments were not.

I said "we don't do that crap here" because I realise that some other nationalities will still smack. There was no racial undertone before anybody says so.

This shows a real lack of understanding of what racism is. You think British people don’t smack their children - according your own culture with virtues they don’t possess. You think other ‘nationalities’ do and you attributed the smacking to the woman’s race based on appearance.

Racism isn’t just a BNP member shocking racist slurs, it’s the inherent unthinking prejudices that otherwise kind and nice reasonable people carry instead their minds.

It shouldn’t be viewed as attacking you to see that your words did carry a racist undertone and to point that out. If you can recognise this issue in your thinking you’ll be one step closer to confronting your own biases. That’s something we all should try to do.

Well said Rhiwrites

It also always strikes me that in this situation the go to is to tell the parent off as opposed to help the parent deal with a child misbehaving. Smacking is wrong. Period but why not gently talk to the parent as opposed to attacking her ?

Labour is gone for a very long time. People are heart sick of the shit on this thread. Good.

@itwaseverthus well we are the first to make physically assaulting children illegal, next year our laws are set to change to make parking on the pavement illegal (as a disabled person I'm looking forward to this), so I can't complain too much. I love Scotland, and I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to live anywhere else! Now fair enough, the weather can be unpredictable, and the damn midges are a pain, but it all adds to the character of the country!

@Strawberryorangess *
It also always strikes me that in this situation the go to is to tell the parent off as opposed to help the parent deal with a child misbehaving. Smacking is wrong. Period but why not gently talk to the parent as opposed to attacking her *

Is that a he or she parent? Is it all the same if it's self ID?

@Retroflex I totally hear you. Took a friend to Golden Jubilee for a scan today (from Ayr, fuck know why but it was fab), got there early, parked car, friend is struggling to walk, big fat car is parked right over the pathway so I had to lift her. People are selfish. I get that the car park was full but this bastard actually parked a massive four by four in front of the path so the wheel chair had to go over the grass and kerb. Anyway, we got here and they took us early and it was all great. I love my Country, please be in zero doubt about that.

Thank you for standing up for that child OP.

Abused children often remember the kindness of strangers.

All this bloody nonsense about racism. Take no notice.

@itwaseverthus well we are the first to make physically assaulting children illegal*

I know!! My entire point for being here.Violence against anyone is wrong but somehow we are still arguing about whether we can give a kid a slap? Crazy.I am thrilled its illegal and I am proud the OP spoke up and I give not a shit whether she offended some one. The child is the main thing.

I bet that child is extremely glad you stopped their mum from hitting them again.
Children have no voice so rely completely on others to do the right thing by them.

Children remember the moments when they have been 'saved' by someone or something causing an interruption so the hit doesn't happen.

Yes, I was hit regularly as a young person and yes, the perpetrator knew it was wrong and they shouldn't have been doing it - as often it would stop suddenly when other people/family members arrived home - shows me they knew they shouldn't be hitting.

Wow I'm shocked by some of the replies on here. The one about being a superior parent... not getting child free time isn't an excuse for abuse.
I think you know what you said wasn't perfect but I've intervened seeing a dad absolutely clobber a little boy before and I honestly can't remember what I shouted! I think it was a very dramatic OH NO NO stop! So I kind of get that... I'm going to not read way into that and say YANBU and well done for making her think twice.

I wouldn't even class hitting a child in the chest and/or head as 'smacking' I'd call that a full on assault.

Don't much like the patronising 'you must think it's fine because you're a foreigner' attitude of the OP, mind you. But I think standing up for small children is a good thing.

I think there is a difference between a smack and hitting a child.
this scenario does sound wrong.
but I read today of a nasty 18 yr old who stalked and raped someone; he had featured in a supernanny episode as an unruly 3 yr old. maybe he needed a smack early on ?
I know you'll all shout at me. and I'm not particularly pro-smacking, but I think a judicious smack is different from attacking a child.

Mumsnet - where you can assault children, so long as...

I just went and googled this Supernanny story. His mother did smack him. So I don't think 'maybe if he'd got a smack as a child he would have behaved better as an adult'. You could just as easily read it and say 'maybe if his parents hadn't hit him, he would have turned out ok'. Although obviously we'll never actually know.

No means no. All violence is wrong. Except...

Forget the way you delivered it but hats off to you for challenging a parent who is openly physically abusing their child on their chest and face. I get that we get frustrated but hitting a child in those completely vulnerable places??? If it was adult to adult we would say that hitting the face is out of rage and anger completely projected on the victim.

That's what that 3 year old child is, a victim of abuse.

That mum needs support with her child on how to parent and deal with their big emotions.

I fear to think what happens behind closed doors if that's what happens put in public.

We must view it the way we would as domestic violence. But this is even worse as the child is defenceless

Ps I don't believe in any hitting, tapping of children.

We can talk explain. If we have to use violence to effectively control a child then what does that teach them.

Its just so upsetting and I really do wonder what that child is going through at home

itwaseverthus Are you okay?

Your comment is racist op. How do you know she wasn’t born and raised here? Your comment about us not doing that here is ignorant and frankly laughable. Of course people smack their kids in the UK and it isn’t illegal.

I’m not saying don’t stick up for these kids but is it actually helping them? Or is it making things worse?

I have done exactly this, shouting at a man wielding a stick against a little boy of 3 or 4. The child was screaming in terror and actually dodged into the roadway to try to escape. I was not in the UK but on a weekend away in Paris with DD1, so I instinctively yelled at him in French (pretty impressed with myself for finding the vocabulary, tbh, it's not the usual holiday chat, is it?!) and he stopped.

There was a woman in the party with an even smalller child in a pushchair, and a much older couple, so I read it as a three generation stroll in a tourist area. They were of a non-European culture by their dress - the women were veiled - and I actually yelled at him to stop hitting the poor terrified little boy and told him he was in Europe where we don't beat children. I was beside myself with outrage. So give me a biscuit. The stick was longer than the child was tall!

The beating stopped and the whole family started smiling and explaining that the child was theirs and the stick wielding man was his father, as if that made it alright. Their French was not much better than mine, tbh.

What I thought, but didn't say, was what violence would this man be capable of doing at home to both children and their mother if he thinks behaving like this is acceptable in public?

I muttered something about the poor little boy, how he could have been hit by a car, and stalked off with my mortified adult DD.

All children are everyone's children is my belief. We all have a responsibility to look out for the weak and vulnerable in society and if we turn a blind eye we are condoning the behaviour we see. Nobody has yet turned round and punched me on the nose for intervening, though I've done it more than once, but I've had some choice language addressed to me in English. People have always stopped whatever cruelty drew my busybodying attention to them, though, so I'm not sorry.