To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

Well done for standing up for the kid, OP.
Perhaps you could have worded it better, but don’t give it another thought. You certainly shouldn’t give a toss if you offended her. I don’t care if it’s not illegal, hitting a child is a low-life thing to do. You’ve got to be an absolute twat to hit your child like that (or at all). We’re adults, surely we can communicate a bit better with our children without the need for violence...what does that teach them exactly?

You were brave to intervene and I don't think you were wrong. But maybe speaking more calmly would have modeled a different way of interacting. But well done for stepping in.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/the-law-on-smacking-children/

i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european

You know you’re a European?

YANBU up to that point. YABU to intervene in the way you did. Racism is never a good look.

I meant to add, nasty ageist comment

Well, it's legal to smack your kids in most of the UK. It's been illegal in Germany and Poland for years, for example. So no, you do this in the UK. Europeans don't generally consider it ok.

*consider it to be ok.

You're lucky that she didn't punch you instead OP.
One of my friends once confronted a woman who was smacking her child and the woman punched my friend and knocked her out.
Whatever the woman's nationality and culture, it's morally wrong to smack a child. Legal or not.
I wouldn't have confronted her, nor applaud anyone else who did simply because it may have made the situation far worse for the child. Simply because with someone like that we don't know if once she gets the child home, that she will blame the child for 'showing her up' and give another beating.
That's the sad side of the situation unfortunately ☹️

I would have called the police.

Where I live it is illegal to assault anyone- including children.

Yanbu save for the bit about not doing that here. Unnecessary imo.

You know what, it really says something when you comment on a parenting site about a woman hitting a child and you are attacked for racism and the rest

I totally agree.

According to Child Law Advice - It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’. This defence is laid down in section 58 Children Act 2004, but it is not defined in this legislation.

Whether a ‘smack’ amounts to reasonable punishment will depend on the circumstances of each case, taking into consideration factors like the age of the child and the nature of the smack.

So OP isn't entirely wrong

I witnessed a Mum smacking a toddler in a supermarket carpark a couple of weeks ago. She was parked next to me. I got back to car with shopping and saw her slap child three times on leg. Child was gripping hold of trolly and refusing to allow Mum to lift her out. I could see Mum was loosing temper so stepped in to ask if she wanted me to hold trolly still so she could get child out. She agreed and pulled child out who was kicking and screaming. Child got put into car seat. I suggested journey would be difficult with child screaming so suggested she give child a few mins to calm down. She put on music for child and shut her in car whist she put trolly back. Child beginning to quieten. Mum thanked me for helping. My 13 year old tried to distract child by showing her some Polemon cards to calm her. Mum was clearly frazzled by screaming child and looked like she might slap child some more when we arrived which is why I tried to offer help so Mum did not slap child again.

Smacking a child is disgusting......it just shows lack of control and intelligence on the person doing the smacking. I would have done the same as you and called her out on it.

Legal chastisement is no more than a red mark. It is legal

Sleepycat91

It's not legal in the whole of the UK.

We would tear apart ops words

But
Someone intervened in a bad situation

Which is a good thing

Thank goodness some people know decency and can stand up for a child. I haven't read all the thread yet but I am sure some people will say she'll probably hit the kid harder once home but that is on the mother. You, OP, told the child someone cares and what her mother is doing is wrong.

I don't think you were wrong to call her out on it. Your choice of words wasn't great - it was fairly racist.
I also think if you're that concerned for the child's safety you shouldn't have just let her leave.

I actually also thought smacking was illegal.

But if anyone in this thread had said "my DP smacked me round the face but didn't leave a mark" nobody would say "oh that's ok then if he didn't leave a mark. How else is he supposed to keep you in line?" would they? So why do you all think it's ok to do the same to a child?

Jesus why is everyone focusing on the OPs choice of words and whether it's 'legal' or not?????

Ok the OP could have handled herself better but the woman was hitting her child on the face and chest.

That's vile behaviour. What can a toddler have possibly done to warrant that reaction? Nothing that's what.

Well done OP for sticking up for a defencelessness child.

I think verbal abuse and screaming is worse and hugely more common than many smacking scenarios. I find it interesting the way a blind eye is turned to the former.I don’t do either but I’m pretty sure I’m not a superior parent. Parents and children lose control as they’re both human.

As for the blatant racism, how nice for the child to be subjected to that.

If it was a smack on the bum over clothes or maybe even the hand I'd say you were being unreasonable but since you indicate it was going to be a smack to the face then that is absolutely wrong

Smacking constitutes physical abuse of children and it is a strict no-no.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted

If it was a smack on the bum over clothes or maybe even the hand I'd say you were being unreasonable

If someone smacked another adult like that would it be OK too?

Am I being unreasonable to step in when I see someone being assaulted? No

Am I being unreasonable to make racist comments whilst doing so? Yes

If I seen that also I'd probably of said something to, not in the same context but of certainly let them know it was unacceptable