To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

Speak out, just admit that you disagree with my view and move on, rather than making out that I haven't shared it .
I am not trying to convince you of anything.

Speak out your " why" made me laugh out loud. Are you always this obtuse?
I am done talking to you.

RunForBurritos

I am seriously trying to understand. I don't mean to be obtuse.

Hitting a child in the chest or face is completely unacceptable and good for you OP for speaking up. We all know that's it's wrong to hit an adult like that so why is it ok to hit a child who is unable to defend themselves? Ok so you said we don't do that here, I'm sure you said it in the heat of the moment but for goodness sake the main point was about the welfare of the child. That's the whole point. Come on folks!

The relationship with a child is completely different. You wouldn't strap an adult into a carseat against their will or make medical decisions for them or put up high fences around their leisure areas so they can't get out if they want to. Nor are you with any particular adult 24/7 and woken up by them routinely in the night and it's almost always easy to leave when adults are getting on your nerves.

So I'm not sure what people are trying to gain here by the comparison with adults

Of course hitting children is nobody's ideal. But prancing across the room to shame and otherise a mother who is very likely exhausted is basically unhelpful. It's not the same thing as clicking your fingers and ending all the world's violence and unkindness. If only that were possible

@Elindab what a ridiculous comment.

You strap children into car seats for their safety. You put them in play pens for their safety.

You choose to have children in the knowledge that they need full time care and will wake in the night.
Would you hit your elderly mother with dementia when she woke you in the night?

Elindab

Sorry but that is rubbish. What about adults with SN or elderly people when we have power over their needs to safegaurd them? Is is OK to hit them when they get on your nerves?

I am a carer for my elederly mother who lives with me-I am woken several times though the night to help with her bathroom needs.
She lives with me 24/7.

Is it OK to hit her when I get exhausted?

Again no one seems to be able to explain why hitting an adult is worse than hitting a child.

Elindab you do do those things with some adults and it is still not ok to hit them.

And that includes when the adults hit you.

Well Speakout, for starters I couldn't do what you do. I know I don't have it in me. I know I don't have the patience of a saint. I imagine that you don't necessarily have a choice though.
My mother DID abuse me quite badly, and a smack was the least of my worries. I wish it would have just been the odd misguided, exhausted smack that can happen, in my view, to most people.
I have no idea what your mother is like in the daytime though.
If her behaviour is draining 24/7 , and if you did snap once , shouting or swearing, or even raised your hand, I wouldn't call the police on you either.
I wouldn't think " this person is horrible and deserves shaming". I wouldn't think " she must be a foreigner but we don't shout at elderly people here". I would think " This person has had enough. This person needs help ".
Of course when we witness a one- off incident we don't know for sure whether it's routine or not.
To be honest it's very much in the carer's face and body language.
You can tell whether they are at the end of their tether or just the type that can't be arsed and just hits.

And no, it is NOT okay to hit, as I have said several times, see that's what makes you obtuse.
You refuse to acknowledge that I have said it is not okay and that I do not do it.
Saying that you can see how a mistake happens, doesn't mean you think it's NOT a mistake.

No I don't think it is a "mistake".

I have zero tolerance towards violence.

You seem to be suggesting that we all have this point of exhaustion or frustration that if burdened more then we may feel like hitting someone and it's somehow excusable.

I can assure you not everyone operates like that- and those who do have issues.

Hitting an elderly person in your care is never OK- no matter how you feel. Hitting anyone is never OK- except in self defence.

" can happen, in my view, to MOST people".
Not all people.
But you just love to read what you want.
You just love to nitpick and decide that anyone who doesn't have your patience has " issues".
People have issues, yes.
Except you of course.
Never mind zero tolerance for violence.
You have zero tolerance full stop.
I have said it before but I am not falling for it again, I am done talking to you.
We are going around in circles and you have no interest in seeing other people's perspective.
You just want to stay on your high horse.
Have fun there, must be lonely.

@speakout isn't lonely on her high horse. I'm here too.

She's absolutely right. You're wrong @RunForBurritos and you don't like being called out on it.

It's never ok to hit anyone. You acknowledged that and then started making excuses for abusers. No. It's never ok.

Just trotting past on my high horse, to say it's never ok to hit an elderly person in your care. I would report to SS and actually did report aggressive behaviour a carer showed towards the elderly man she was caring for in a doctor's waiting room. I mentioned it to the GP who was grateful I'd mentioned it. It was horrible.thw whole waiting room took a deep breath when the carer did it and a man instinctively grabbed his young child to mice her away from her. It us so abhorrent.

Yes, the carer probably needed support. All the more reason to report. So she got some support.

I don't have a problem with anyone thinking I am wrong.
I just don't think I am wrong.
What I do not like is being asked to repeat myself and then seeing that the person is refusing to really read what I have written several times.
As I said, I do not have the patience of a saint.
Good day to you.

Ugh typos sorry

Audrey Tautou I actually agree with you. I would not call the police but I would report it to the appropriate servicesm for the reasons that you have mentioned.

Sounds to me that you think coming from a place of support might be more beneficial than coming from a place of shaming for the sake of it?
Because that certainly is my view.
As an inferior person with issues thoughm so what do I know.

Well then, no need to argue!

We all agree, it's never ok to hit vulnerable people in your care, including children. Yes, there are circumstances which make this more likely and even understandable. There are also different levels of severity, from a smack on the bum to a punch in the face. Neither one is ok and one being worse than the other, doesn't make the less serious one ok imo. Like stealing isn't ok, just because murder is worse.

I personally think smacking should be illegal. Every other form of violence is, even hate speech.

Sounds to me that you think coming from a place of support might be more beneficial than coming from a place of shaming for the sake of it?

Of course! I would say that about most things though. I am not into punitive measures, which is why I am so against smacking children. Hurting them teaches them nothing. Same goes for their parents.

Audrey Tautou I really think we have very similar views.
The trouble is, if we say it can be " even understandable" we are accused of making excuses and apparently we are wrong and we have issues.
It is a shame that not seeing the world in black and white is considered " wrong ".

t's never ok to hit vulnerable people in your care, including children. Yes, there are circumstances which make this more likely and even understandable.

No it is not "understandable".

It is plain wrong.
I don't care if you think I am "on my high horse".

I don't believe in smacking either! Doesn't teach anything, shows that you have lost control ( and potentially need support, yes), and breaks trust.
Lose lose all around.