To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

[Roux95]

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

OP is fine to say racist shit, can't you see? In the heat of the moment it's fine.
Interesting how she wants to call the police on a stranger and won't stop to think that this mother's shitty behaviour may also be a heat of the moment thing.
I am not defending the mother, barely pointing out OP's hypocrisy.
Although I am bound to feel some sympathy towards the mother since I have been known to lose patience with my kids and shout, feeling mortified after.
Interestingly I have never been said anything racist to anyone no matter how angry I was. And since I am a pesky European ( who doesn't smack before you ask) I am bound to take exception to that comment.

And to follow other people's reasoning... if OP comes up with that sort of comment in public, imagine the horrible things she must say in private

European isn’t a race...

Good for you op. (Apart from the European comment..you don't know where she was from?!) but I would have also called her out on smacking so hard..I wouldn't be able to help it..

Oblada entièrement d'accord avec vous! ( maintenant je retourne frapper mes enfants parce que bon, notre culture le permet paraît- il !)

Poetryinaction excellent post. Saying something was indeed the caring, decent things to do. Saying the things the OP said in an aggressive/ judgemental tone may have made her feel better, but it hasn't helped the child!

It’s not illegal OP. Should be but isn’t.

@Roux95 it's not illegal to smack a child in England although personally think it's both wrong and ineffective.
Considering the number of threads where Mnetters proclaim the UK to be free of racism and a certain person is not targeted due to her ethnicity well you've managed to disprove that myth as well!

The thing I would worry about is that the parent could take it out on the child after they get in (because a friend whose father used to hit him said he used to hate it when someone 'corrected' his father in public - because he knew he'd get more violence thrown at him when he got home - because the father would blame the child for the stranger intervening

That said I don't know if I could not say anything either

People realise that it's possible to disapprove of racism and smacking at the same time, right?
OP called someone out on their abusive behaviour ( fine), and said abusive stuff to them ( not fine).
It's almost like humans are capable of having more than one thought at a time!

Saying the things the OP said in an aggressive/ judgemental tone may have made her feel better, but it hasn't helped the child!

How do you know? Do you know the mother? Did she admit that because a woman said something mildly offensive to her that she then took it out on her child when she went home?

I am a good mother. I love my children. I cannot recall a moment, ever, raising my hand to them. Even when my now 11 year old, as a toddler, used to bite my inner thigh as a means of gripping on to climb up on my lap!! It shocked me more often than it didn't, but still the shock didn't cause me yo lash out.

However, I have been known to lose my shit at them at various times. I have been known to shout, give out, (even swear). And anytime this has happened I have always ALWAYS apologised to my children for reacting badly. Always.

How do you know this woman isn't normally a kind mother, doing her best who momentarily let her shit. And was deeply embarrassed. A woman who was possibly going to go home and hug her child crying that she had raised a hand to her? And maybe the fact that she did it in public and drew attention to herself made her even more ashamed and embarrassed about what she'd done.

Why are people assuming that this woman is now more likely to drag herself child home and give her worse a home?

It is possible. But it is equally likely that she's a normal mother. Like the rest of us.

Iolaus yes it is a tricky one. I don't know what the answer is. Indeed, who does? I think an " everything okay here?", would hopefully stop the smacking without shaming the mother. Because whether you think she should be shamed on her or not, the last thing you want is for her to then take out her frustration on the child later if she feels aggravated.
As for calling the police, I wouldn't dream of doing it. As a parents I have made mistakes and will still make some, I couldn't do this to another parent unless I am 100% sure that the child is in serious danger.
Yes being shouted out and hit on the chest is bad, no debate here, but it doesn't sound to me like something that warrants calling the police.

@itwaseverthus
Not sure what your hoping to prove with this incredibly biased article.
White woman says black people or whites who call out racism are racists.
Okay...

Tellmewhothevillains are apologies, I should have clarified that my comment was a worse case scenario thing. If you read my other comments, I am a mother who loses patience too, and I have said that as such, I couldn't assume the worst of that mother.
What she did was wrong yes, but I have said that I can relate to her too.
At best, the OP has embarrassed her and made that mother's day shitter. Not helpful to her of the child.
At worst, if the mother is indeed routinely abusive, she might take her frustration out on her child later.
Bottom line, the OP handled this very badly imo

yanbu smacking whether you agree with it or not (I don;t) does not consist of hitting a child in the chest or head.

You sound racist. I bet she was not European like your post said. Telling her off is one thing but that comment was unnecessary.

@Roux95

I hold my hands up to the potential of being ignorant but I'm certainly not racist. I have mixed children and many friends from different backgrounds. I am not hostile to any race, religion or culture..
The drip feed of the "black/ Asian DP mixed kids black dog neighbours etc.
Why does every racist post on Mumsnet follow the same pattern?
To clarify hitting or smacking your kids is disgusting but it does not make racism or xenophobia okay.

Although morally wrong it is not illegal to smack your child in England and Wales as a posted above said as long as it does not leave a mark. It is lawful chastisement. Sounds like an awful incident though and would have been very uncomfortable to be witness to

@messolini9
Nope no deflection, it's possible to be against hitting children and casual racism.
Maybe it's you that ant do both at once🤷🏽‍♀️

Well, on the one hand, well done for saying something. I hate it when parents smack their children. But no, it isn't illegal.

But, you did it in such a way that you appear to be racist and overly aggressive, so now that mother has a "I was racially attacked by some fucking lunatic in Primark" story instead of a "someone had a word with me for smacking Olivia in Primark" story. Which one do you think she will listen to? The reasonable person who intervened in a more measured way or the one who behaved like and angry racist, all "not allowed in blighty! RULE BRITANNIA"!

*appeared

Rouxe95

You can still have mixed raced children and still be racist. Met several who are.

@messolini9
Nope no deflection, it's possible to be against hitting children and casual racism.
Maybe it's you that ant do both at once

@Temp123999, not sure why you specifically are picking up on this, as not aimed at you, & I disagree - I think many people quietly hit their children, but are quick to virtue signal in other areas.

I can manage to do both at once, in fact can stretch to a triple whammy of of being anti child abuse, anti racism AND pro feminist, or a quadruple whammy of also seriously cross about homophobes ... I could go on, as I'm sure can you - but that's not the point is it?

Faced with the prospect of being able to prevent a child getting hit in the face OR prevent someone being othered/racially abused by the specific phrase "we don't do that here", I'd choose the child.
Of course it's theoretically possible to do both - intervene for the child & then say something about the 'othering' - but in this specific instance the abuse the child was receiving was far worse than the actual words OP said to the childhitter.

Many PP's seem to disagree, & were assigning hate-crime levels of racial abuse to the OP's assumed motivation, while appearing far less concerned about a kid getting smacked in the face. It's not a big leap from there to wonder how many of those are ok with smacking their own kids.

Stop forcing your morals onto other people like your opinion is all that matters!

Yes being shouted out and hit on the chest is bad, no debate here, but it doesn't sound to me like something that warrants calling the police.

Really? If it happened to an adult, they'd be well within their rights to summon plod.