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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have confronted a mother smacking her child in public

536 replies

Roux95 · 17/01/2020 23:46

I was with OH in a clothes shop this afternoon looking for some bits. It was an extreme rarity for us to be child free so we were enjoying having a wander round without the double buggy!

When looking at some clothes I could hear a hysterical child having a tantrum, a hissing (parent i assume) and the sound of smacking. I looked around the racks I was browsing and sure enough a woman was knelt down at child height, hissing at the toddler to behave, smacked the child on the chest area and then went to smack the child's face but shot her hand down when she clocked that I was watching.

I was angered by what I saw and raised my voice at her to stop hitting the child, i told her we don't do that crap here (she was european - this is possibly not relevant but I know some cultures parent differently) and that her behaviour was disgusting and she should be ashamed and how would she like it if somebody her own size hit her.

This must have shocked the child as they stopped crying and the mother(?) sheepishly put the child into the pram rushed off.

OH was visibly embarrassed at being part of this confrontation but I think I was justified personally. In hindsight I think I could have said all of the above without raising my voice but my maternal instinct kicked in and I was furious for the child.

Was I being unreasonable for interesting? What would you have done?

OP posts:

Fanniesyeraunt · 19/01/2020 17:52

Can’t be bothered RTHT but well done OP for confronting the nasty bitch. Hopefully it’ll make her think twice in future. I’d have said something too, and I wouldn’t care what nationality they were.

RunForBurritos · 19/01/2020 18:10

messilini9 you are wasting your time with me, truly. Whilst I am against smacking I do not subscribe to the view that children should be treated like mini adults, hence why my kids have a bedtime and are not allowed to drink alcohol. I wouldn't enforce a bedtime on an adult or refuse them a drink.
Losing patience with a child and smacking is not the same in my view as attacking an adult.
Again, don't waste time telling me it's unfair, childist, irrational. I will still hold this view.

speakout · 19/01/2020 18:35

Losing patience with a child and smacking is not the same in my view as attacking an adult.

Why not?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 19/01/2020 18:40

Losing patience with a child and smacking is not the same in my view as attacking an adult.

Why? Because it's only ok to attack someone who can't fight back?

AudreyTautou · 19/01/2020 19:16

Losing patience with a child and smacking is not the same in my view as attacking an adult.

Absolutely right - hitting a child is far worse! Because they can't fight back and because you are in a position of trust. Similar to hitting a vulnerable adult you are supposed to be cating for imo. Nobody would say that is ok....I hope.

AudreyTautou · 19/01/2020 19:23

Caring for*

Cailleach1 · 19/01/2020 19:38

It is very depressing to witness a child being hit. It is legal in England, though, isn't it? Just not so bad as to leave a mark. Rather like the old width of rod you could hit your wife with.

I'd wind my neck in about it not happening in England. England is the only place I've seen a baby being hit. By their English mother. That really was depressing. Poor baby.

oblada · 19/01/2020 20:42

RunForBorritos - Thanks :)

RunForBurritos · 19/01/2020 21:08

Haha I knew the sanctimommies would pick on my comment. Couldn't care less. I don't hit my kids but I don't feel smug or superior for it. I know kids can be draining, push your buttons, etc. I have felt like hitting my kids and refrained from doing it ( noise level, exhaustion, just wanting the tantrum to stop, whatever.) If you have never felt like this good for you, you must be a saint.
That's why I can kind of relate.
I have very rarely felt like hitting an adult.
Actually I can't even remember ever feeling it.
I still believe it is wrong to hit a child but I would be lying if I said it hasn't crossed my mind to do it at certain low points.
Call the police on that if you want.
Whatever.

AudreyTautou · 19/01/2020 21:24

I can relate too. Of course parenting is stressful and pushes parents to the limit. I don't believe in smacking, but I 100% see how it happens.

However, you are the one on here trying to make excuses for it. Oh they aren't mine adults you know, it's nothing like attacking an adult. Not, it's wrong, it's a massive fuck up, but I can see how it happens. Do you see the difference? Or are you just going to make out that anyone who disagrees with you is a sanctimommy? Charmed, I'm sure.

AudreyTautou · 19/01/2020 21:27

Mini adults*

messolini9 · 19/01/2020 21:29

I don't hit my kids but I don't feel smug or superior for it.

Nor should anyone. It's not something to brag about - it should be a default position.

And 'relating' to people who hit children because you understand the urge they have to do it is no excuse for their behaviour.

RunForBurritos · 19/01/2020 21:32

Audrey Tautou, this all started because I said I wouldn't call the police on a parent for smacking. I still wouldn't, and I still don't think attacking an adult makes you a worse person than losing patience on your kid.
And yes anyone who would call the police for a smack is a sanctimommy in my opinion and a hypocrite to boot.
Charmed too

RunForBurritos · 19/01/2020 21:33

Again messolini there is a difference between excusing a behaviour and not being willing to call the police for said behaviour.

RunForBurritos · 19/01/2020 21:37

Oops my comment should read that I DO think that hitting an adult probably makes you a worse person than smacking a kid. That's not to say smacking your kid is a good thing, obviously.

speakout · 19/01/2020 21:44

RunForBurritos

Why is hitting an adult worse than hitting a child?

RunForBurritos · 19/01/2020 21:55

Speak out I am sick of repeating myself. I have already explained this.
And I suspect you will continue to disagree.
And it's fine.

speakout · 19/01/2020 21:59

RunForBurritos

No you haven't actually explained why hitting an adult is worse than hitting a child.

I would like to hear your logic.

AudreyTautou · 19/01/2020 22:02

I DO think that hitting an adult probably makes you a worse person than smacking a kid

Honestly, I cannot get on board with your logic AT ALL.

I mean...calling the police...well, that is a bit of a grey area, as what were they likely to do? It is still legal to use corporal punishment against your children for some reason and the woman was a perfect stranger to the op. They would be unlikely to be able to track her down. Even if they could, I imagine SS would be more likely to take an interest than the police, and even they might not take much of an interest, even if they could track them down. So, I understand why you might not leap to call 999 in these circs.

But saying it's worse to hit an adult than a child to me is like saying it's better to hit other human beings if they are a lot smaller than you, weaker than you and cannot fight back. Mindblowingly wrong to me. Sorry if you find that sanctimonious! But I suppose I'll have to live with that.

AudreyTautou · 19/01/2020 22:04

X posted there and by coincidence used the same word "logic"!

speakout · 19/01/2020 22:05

I am still waiting to hear of the reasoning!

georgialondon · 19/01/2020 22:13

I've shouted at more than one mother before when I've seen them hitting their little kids really hard. It's enough to jolt them to stop so I do it. Poor kids. God knows how hard they are hit when not in public.

RunForBurritos · 19/01/2020 22:17

Audrey Tautou I am sure you will live with it fine. I am only a stranger with a different opinion to yours.
We both agree that hitting a kid is wrong at the end of the day, and we both appreciate that children are draining.
They can be draining in a way that adults can't , and, crucially I think, with adults it is probably easier to remove yourself from a situation before you snap, whereas with kids it may have been an ongoing thing that eventually makes you snap.

So whilst I disapprove of both, I can understand one better than the other.

I have no doubt that this explanation will not be good enough for some posters, and so be it.

I am not the one who smacked my kid, I am not the one who made racist comments, and I am not the one who would call the police on either.

Flacker · 19/01/2020 22:18

Hear, hear audrey it turns my stomach thinking of somebody doing this to a child. I can't wait for it to be made illegal in the rest of the UK as I have also seen a baby in a high chair being hit, it was really shocking and I just stood there looking for a while trying to figure out what to do. It just stops you in your tracks and we're powerless really, until they change the law.

speakout · 19/01/2020 22:18

So whilst I disapprove of both, I can understand one better than the other.

Why?

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