Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

'@shinynewapple2020 - your point is exactly why I can;t understand why OP isnt on the phone to, or visiting, her friend.

See PP's point upthread about Club floors being littered with notes once the punters have gone home.

This was in the OP's home. The money in a club is simply dropped. Nothing "daft" about that. How is that at all relevant to this scenario.

What are all these plausible "daft" things that could have happened in the OP's home when she remembers the conversation with the babysitter about having no change and doesn't have the £40 cash?

OP when you text your friend saying that as you couldn't find the £40 in your house her DD must have 'taken it' were you actually suggesting that her DD had stolen it? As this is how it reads.

"Taken it" just means "taken it with her after being given it" of course it's not implying she stole it!

How did the babysitter get home?

Assuming it was late and it doesn’t sound like your DH drove her home?

Am I the only one wondering how the poor babysitter got home? It that it is really relevant unless she walked dropped the money on the way and didn't want to admit not getting a taxi or something.

X post with @Tellingitlikeitisnt

Of course it's more likely the friends DD has told her mum a porky about the money.
Bloody hell, at 16 I would have done the same if I panicked when my mum questioned me about it and I wouldn't have given a second thought to my mum's friendship, I was 16, my own personal life was much more of an issue, not worrying about my mum's mates.

As asked earlier- what did your OH recall from the night in regards to when he returned from the loo???

I agree that you should see mother and daughter and clear it up in person.

I was at a BnB with mum one & she paid in cash. We were both there, and completely sober, but once in our room, neither could recall her getting the change back. We looked everywhere, then returned to the counter to confront the man. He simply explained that she'd put the note into her bra!!! Sure enough there it was

Did they reply? I don't think you'd remember something that elaborate as over paying etc if you hadn't! And you say you'd pay twice as you don't want to lose the friendship well if you tell the mum and she doesn't belive you who wants friends like that?!... as someone up thread said though maybe she hadn't told her mum yet....but as you'd paid her £40 I'd have expected her to go home to her mum all chuffed and say ooh look! So it's strange in that sense.

"Am I the only one wondering how the poor babysitter got home?"

No, I asked this morning, thinking that the money could be in Op's car, a taxi or the street!

Tricky one

The babysitter has lost it, don't pay again.

It is night out, ignore the getting drunk haters.

It’s probably just a misunderstanding. Sometimes I say something to my mum and she hears the opposite. Just leave it unless they contact you again. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

You remember giving her the money, and you remember it clearly. That should be enough.

You’ve checked twice to make sure she didn’t leave it behind. That’s also enough.

Your only decision now is whether to stick to your guns should your friend press the issue and risk losing the friendship, or cave and pay her again.

But either way the friendship is tarnished and you’ll never be using her daughter again to babysit. Even if you cave and pay her again, you’d be mad to think this won’t come up again in the future and cause a row at some point. Probably best to have it out and deal with whatever repercussions come of it.

When I was 16 I babysat for a couple I didn’t know well one night. They were the friends of one of my friends parents. They came home pissed. One went straight to bed and passed out, the other fell asleep on the bathroom floor. I stood awkwardly in the hallway for a bit then let myself out and walked home. I actually didn’t have the guts to mention I hadn’t been paid to anyone. A couple of days later I was at my friends house and his mum walked in. “K10f1... I spoke to x and... well... she’s not sure if she paid you Friday night...” I confirmed she didn’t. My friends mum was mortified and went and grabbed her purse. I tell this story only to demonstrate sometimes drunk people do forget to pay the babysitter. I’m not saying you did, just that if you did you certainly wouldn’t be the first.

What are all these plausible "daft" things that could have happened in the OP's home when she remembers the conversation with the babysitter about having no change and doesn't have the £40 cash?

I've already mentioned 3 plausible 'daft' things in my post upthread @SoupDragon, you must have missed them. Scroll up if you're actually interested in the point I was making, scroll on by if you're not.

As a teenager I would never have lied about such a thing. Never. Why would I? I had a sense of personal honor and self-respect that mattered to me. I was idealistic. I think a lot of teens are. Now, I don't always think that extends to how one deals with one's own parents at timesI can remember a few choice liesbut I would bite my own hand off before I would shame myself for asking for something that didn't belong to me, and I think a lot of teens are like that.

I think the only plausible way you could have not paid her, OP, is if you were fretting about it on the journey home - maybe because you were pissed & worried about being obviously so in front of a teenager you don't know well.

I'm not saying you should have been bothered about this, but I teach all the teenagers I know & always feel a bit sheepish if I run into one of them at the end of a jolly good night...

In similar circumstances, I can envisage thinking 'right, I've got the money - just check my purse - yep 2x20s right here - I'll say keep the change then there'll be no fumbling about' - & then maybe your next morning memory is of what you PLANNED to do?!

In which case, if you find the cash under your scarf on the hall table or something, you're obviously going to feel a right nelly .

But I really think that's FAR less likely than a teenager telling a quick porky to avoid being nagged about having spent the money.

I'd ring my friend & say basically what you said in your OP: that you could swear you'd paid, but to be fair you were pissed & you're sure friend's dd wouldn't invent you not paying her, so how about you pop over with the money?

Presumably if your friend knows by now her dd was being shady, she won't let you - & will just save face by saying they got their wires crossed & dd had misheard when her mum asked if she'd been paid. Or something.

If it was me, and the mother is a close friend who you want to stay friends with, in the absence of any certainty, I would pay again. If her daughter is telling the truth and you don’t pay her, not only have you not paid your dues, you will lose that friendship. If she is lying, you will have kept your friendship, but her daughter then has to live with the fact that she scammed you, that you know she probably did, that she lied to her mother, & that there’s always a risk that the truth will come out eventually. In my book, I’d rather know that if there was any doubt I acted honourably, & I would probably make a great show of saying something along those lines to the girl in the presence of her mother, just to add to the guilt trip !!

I've already mentioned 3 plausible 'daft' things in my post upthread

The one where you said:
You remember getting the money out, you know it is now not in your purse or vicinity of where you were standing when you paid her ... so what other explanation can there be?

Or the one where you suddenly had her putting it in her shoe or dancing round the bannisters?

The one where you said:
You remember getting the money out, you know it is now not in your purse or vicinity of where you were standing when you paid her ... so what other explanation can there be?

Or the one where you suddenly had her putting it in her shoe or dancing round the bannisters?

All of 'em @SoupDragon - because the entire point is WE DO NOT KNOW, & cannot know what happened.

Look at the PP's example where she & her friend - stone cold sober - both forgot that one of them had put the change from their B&B stay in her bra.

Which is why I'd be on the phone to my close friend, rather than texting, or waiting for texts. Because I'd be keen to clear the matter up so that nobody is left feeling doubted or dissed, & would be acting along the lines of @PurpleCrowbar & @claffy123's suggestions.

I've gotten in after nights out and basically passed out/unable to remember conversation with sitter, but they've always been paid, it's automatic. Get in, pay sitter, sleep.

I'm sure you did the same OP

I also asked how she got home. I used to love it when the parents I was babysitting for came home drunk as they usually paid me more!

Wish I could be a babysitter on an evening for £40

Wish I could be a babysitter on an evening for £40

If you have a partner/relative to mind your own children, you could!