Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

* realistically its more likely you put the notes in the bin accidentally than her lying!*

In what world?
In OP's world, @GiveHerHellFromUs.
The world where even when sober, people are capable of absent mindedly putting their shoes in the oven & their keys in the fridge.
Add in some alcohol & it's perfectly possible OP's memory of getting the money, realising she had no change & adding a tip to make it £40 is absolutely accurate ... until the moment she possibly blanked out & put the cash in own pocket/shoes/hamster cage instead.

The world where a 16 year old who is sensible enough to be trusted with babysitting & who is the daughter of OP's close friend is going to know damn well that her mother & OP are going to confer. Where the babysitter knows that any dumb lie is going to be embarrassingly exploded.

The simplest explanation is the OP did mess up - no big deal, & if babysitter & close friend insist that no money was handed over, I would believe them & pay "again".
But another very simple explanation is that the close friend has simply assumed that payment wasn't made, but that there has been a mix-up between close friend & her daughter that close friend is now sorting out.

The fact that £40 is missing from your purse tells you you paid her.
I'm guessing you don't work in the logistics or science fields @JeffreysWorkTrousers. You are confusing 'missing £40' with 'knowing where that £40 is'.

I'd not worry. It's awkward but just stand by the facts!
@turnthebiglightoff - OP's entire reason for posting is that she is not certain of the facts.
So which 'facts' are you urging her to stand by, precisely?

I think the fact that you remember the £36/£40 issue and that there's money missing from your purse is fairly concrete evidence you paid the babysitter.

Not in the slightest.
It is fairly concrete evidence that OP intended to pay the babysitter.

Anything daft could have happened between the £36/£40 observation & the cash actually reaching the babysitter's hand.

If she trusted you enough to send her dd to babysit for you, she must know deep down you're not the kind of person who would lie about having paid her.

Imagine the poor babysitter if OP has made a silly & understandable mistake:

"Mum - she trusted me enough to look after her kids! Why would she think I'm the kind of person who lie about not being paid?"

The OP is sure of the facts though.

Like...? Given she was standing in front of the baby sitter with the money and saying those words.

Wow @messolini9 , ok Poirot.

Oh this is really charming @ElderAve
If daughter sticks to the story, I'd pay again but she wouldn't babysit again.

OP herelf is unsure of the facts, was drunk enough to have patches of booze amnesia, yet you are urging her to punish her close friend's daughter by making it obvious that you believe her to be a sneaking liar who is no longer allowed to babysit for you?
On no evidence whatsoever?

How do you think that is gonna fly with OP's friend?

Tbh....if it was my 16 year old who’d babysat and she said she didn’t get paid, I would have told my daughter to text the person. I wouldn’t have done it as it has nothing to do with me. If she’s old enough to babysit, she’s old enough to send her own text.

OP herelf is unsure of the facts, was drunk enough to have patches of booze amnesia,

She's only unsure because her DH suggested she might've forgot.

She remembers what happened, where she was,the conversation, the money being handed in.

Just go round to your friends and speak to the daughter in front of your friend. No need to be confrontational just go round and say to her in front of her Mum that you remember paying her. It'll soon become obvious if there have been a few porky pies told. Then it's probably best to find a new babysitter either way as obviously this is a very awkward situation for all involved.

I really need to know how this ends. Place marking.

What no one knows though is what is going on between the mother & daughter & why the one thinks that the other hasn't been paid.

Is it a bit of an odd message from a close friend?

It's either a miscommunication between mother and daughter or they're trying it on after the daughter has commented that you care back drunk. You doubting yourself is the alcohol talking.

I agree sorting it out in person is probably the best way forward. Decide what to do when you can see the reactions in person. More likely to be a misunderstanding imo rather than the babysitter plotting to rip you off.

I don't think texting, or avoiding texting & waiting for the friend to text again, is the right thing to do here.

It's always embarrassing when money is involved - why not ring or visit your friend, OP? All you have to say is that you don't want to leave a potentially awkward situation hanging over the weekend.

If you do this in person, you can use @GiveHerHellFromUs sensible suggestion:
Go to their house to "drop the money off". Both of their reactions will tell you exactly what you need to know.

You could use that approach, or "wanted to see you in person 'cos it's awkward - Babysitter, do you not remember the conversation we had in the hallway, when I gave you the 2 twenties? What happened after that?"

Babysitter can then either own that she had fibbed to mum to cover a cashflow embarrassment (I find it hard to believe PP's saying she cooked this up to get a SECOND £40) - or illuminate the mystery by saying "yeah you had the money out but wandered off into the kitchen / started dancing around the bannisters / disappeared upstairs ..."

OP then won't look like she's hurling accusations, but simply looking to understand what happened & put it right if necessary.
Far better all round for continued friendship.

She's only unsure because her DH suggested she might've forgot

OP seems more adamant today than she did yesterday, @PanicAndRun.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

She seemed pretty sure in her OP too, just lots in all the waffle and scene setting.

The only reason OP is unsure because friend was adamant that her daughter wasn't paid and her DH thinks she was drunk enough to forget/imagine it.

I also need to know how this ends! I’m invested now

Anything daft could have happened between the £36/£40 observation & the cash actually reaching the babysitter's hand.

Maybe a giant bird flew in and grabbed the money in its claws! Maybe the OP got the sudden urge to make confetti and tore the notes to pieces! Maybe she was mugged by a passing clown! Oh, the daft things that can happen to money without you even realising!

Oh, the daft things that can happen to money without you even realising!

Exactly, @StillCoughingandLaughing.
See PP's point upthread about Club floors being littered with notes once the punters have gone home.

If the friend is on Mumsnet, this must be all pretty recognisable.

OP when you text your friend saying that as you couldn't find the £40 in your house her DD must have 'taken it' were you actually suggesting that her DD had stolen it? As this is how it reads. You either paid her DD or her DD stole the money . I think that suggestion is a real issue and I'm not surprised that your friend hasn't replied to you again. Is this what you actually said?

She hasn’t said anything bad about her friend user

If the friend is on Mumsnet, this must be all pretty recognisable.

If she is, it might even lead to some TALKING between these 2 friends.
Instead of the awkward texting/not texting - what happened to 2 good chums being able to sit down & talk out what happened & reach mutually satisfactory, non-friendship-destryong, conclusions?