Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

I love how many posters on here ‘know’ what happened, thought they weren’t there, they don’t know the op, the babysitter or her parents

When your OH returned from the toilet, wasn't there any conversation about paying the girl? As the sober one, didn't he ask 'have you paid' or 'we need to give you some money for tonight' etc??? What exactly does HE recall?

I came in drunk after a night out one night and realised my card was lost and had been used. Got on the phone with the bank, cancelled card, reported two transactions as not mine and went to bed. OH was adamant that I should ring again and check because I couldn't have done all that at 4 am drunk. Just ring and check, you might've imagined it/dreamt it. I rang the bank again and sure enough I had had the conversation, everything was sorted a new card would be sent and a form to claim back the fraudulent transactions.

Just because some people are drunk doesn't mean they lose all faculties/memories.

Just call your friend and ask when is convenient for you to pop round and pay. Mention you though you’d paid but had had too much to drink haha and apologize for not paying sooner. She’ll either be super embarrassed and apologize on behalf of her daughter, or take the money and say don’t worry about it. As you say, not worth losing a friendship over (but don’t use the daughter again).

thaegumathteth

Really? Did you pay tax and NI on your earnings too!? I think it’s a fortune for a child with presumably no bills to pay to relax in a different house for an evening.

I agree, whatever the true facts in this story the daughter would have great trouble back tracking on this and i dont think will be able to admit she has been paid. For the sake of relations I would go round and say I am really sorry but I was quite convinced I had paid her , for the benefit of the doubt her is the payment, sorry about the confusion. That puts you in the super right and the girl to deal with her own conscience. Up to the mother to believe who she wants

Literally laughing at all the posters insisting op has paid the money when op can’t remember herself

Not only does she remember paying her, her purse is £40 short.

I'd assume the daughter was being cheeky, and not twigging that the mum would contact op. I'd think nothing more of it unless I heard again, but I wouldn't back down.

I babysat loads at her age and wouldn’t have left without being paid, and if one parent was so drunk she was making no sense and didn’t know what was going on I’d have just waited for your DH to come back or whatever and asked him. After your DH went to the toilet did he not come back to say goodbye to the babysitter and thank her, make sure she left okay etc etc? Surely if she hadn’t been paid one/both of them would have brought it up then? ‘Ok bye Laura, thanks again, I’ll sort out sending you the money in the morning’ or whatever? Otherwise it’s a really weird situation where you were absolutely trashed and incoherent and slurring your words and fumbling about with your purse, your DH went to the loo and never came back and so the babysitter just left without agreeing about payment or speaking to your DH who was more sober?

(Give no fucks you were drunk OP, I hope you enjoyed your night out, MN loves judging a drunk mum like it’s a terrible sin)

I agree it's a lot of money Pardon, but she'd have to do it 5 times a week before any NI was due and 7 times a week before tax was payable

Pay again when you are sure that you have paid?

Why would you?

Of course the daughter can back track-couldn't find money & wrongly said she hadn't been paid-sorry.

Anyway, Op has messaged back that she paid the daughter & can't see that the money has been left behind.

It's now for friend & daughter to sort out-Op has surely made her position clear that she paid?

OP:
" I came back into living room, gave her two £20 notes and said "I don't have change for £36 but you can just keep it" she smiled and said thank you. "

That's good enough for me!!

I suggest you text exactly that to your friend. If and when she does come back to you.

I also don’t think a 16 year old would lie about this.

I agree. A 17 year-old, yes - everyone knows they’re lying bastards to a man - but a 16 year-old? Not possible.

I agree. A 17 year-old, yes - everyone knows they’re lying bastards to a man - but a 16 year-old? Not possible

I believe you op, because of the amount of detail you remember. As others have said, I suspect the lack of reply is more to do with some serious talking going on behind the scenes!

I think the reason why the mother has not responded is because she's had words with her daughter and realises shes lied about not being paid.

If the OP was saying ‘I was sure I paid her’ and nothing more, I might be inclined to think she’d actually forgotten. But to remember a whole conversation about giving the girl £40 when she was only owed £36? The same amount being missing from her purse? No further reply from the girl’s mother? All the signs point to her having paid. It’s very common for drunk people to forget things; it’s less common to invent entire conversations.

The girl could be trying it on, hoping OP was too pissed to remember. What’s more likely is that she has tapped up her mother for cash or is stalling on paying back a loan. Mom asks What about your babysitting money?’; girl claims she hasn’t been paid yet. Mom texts OP, tells girl OP claims she paid; girl suddenly regains her memory. Mom feels like an idiot and doesn’t know what to text back that won’t sound like the girl was on the make, trying to get paid twice.

I suspect/hope that the mother will get the child to admit she got it.

Next time you get a babysitter Do a bank transfer !

years ago (like about 25, I was still a teenager) remember having an argument with a friend over £5 which I def gave to her but she insisted I hadn't (she wasn't trying it on, I think she was distracted when I gave her the money). Can't remember the outcome but do remember how awkward the whole thing was! Sounds mean but back then I didn't have an extra £5 to spare!

The OP seems to recall an awful lot of detail for it not to have happened.

As she's a good friend I think I would message to say you are sure you paid and have they solved the mystery yet?

I think if the babysitter’s mum is silent, it is because she doesn’t know how to proceed. It is a hundred times easier to say ‘Daughter was mistaken, is mortified because she found the money’ than figure out a way to say ummm no daughter wasn’t paid.

I think it's a non issue you said you paid she's not replied End of discussion .
Maybe follow up with hi friend did you check with dd that she got money ok was a bit confused about the text. I hope all sorted out .

You have nothing to worry about beyond managing your friend's embarrassment. Do check that nothing else is missing from the house, though; lying and thieving often go together!

Don't have her in your house again, obviously.

Fucksake @NearlyGranny, aren't you the very model of generous spirited humanity. Based on nothing but suspicion, with a statistical 50/50 probablity that it may have been the OP herself who has made the mistake here, you launch into accusations of 'additional' theft & advise banning the child from OP's home?

Is this how you treat your close friend's children?
With disdain, unwarranted condemnation, & hysterical invention of crimes that have not been committed?

Sounds like the daughter (hoped you were too drunk to remember already paying) chanced it by telling mum to ask for it

It sounds nothing like that @Beautiful3.
What young woman, knowing her mum is close friends with the woman she is babysitting for, would come up with such a crock if shit & expect to be believed? What would she be thinking was going to happen whent the 2 adults confer?

Far more likely is crossed wires between babysitter & her mum. Something like PP suggested upthread - babysitter has already spent the cash, answered mum 'but I have no money', & mum has assumed that she hasn't been paid yet.

I think your reasoning about auto pilot/not forgetting to pay, "keep the change" etc is probably accurate though.

I think it's pretty crappy for almost every poster to assume a 16 year old is a grabby liar that wants more money.

So do I @PrincessPain.
Crappy & illogical.