What would life we like without children?

[SummerRay1994]

Interested to know whether anyone on here has chosen to not have children and whether they’ve regretted it or not?

For background I’m nowhere near ready to have children (I’m 25 and partner is 27), we both have very demanding - but well paid - jobs, both working 50+ hours a week at the moment but we recently bought a nice “family” sized home close to good schools/community and it has always been our plan to have children when I’m between 30-35. However, as we get older and life gets more complicated with work, a house, pets, bills etc etc I’ve started to wonder more and more how we would cope with children and whether I even want to have any? Am I being unreasonable? Selfish?

I love my daughter very much btw, just think it is challenging to parent and maybe I didn’t think it through. I thought about having a baby but not a teenager.

Well it's not something you have to decide at 25 and that's the decision you have to stick to for the rest of your life is it?

In my 20s I couldn't see me having children, I worked hard, partied hard, travelled, saved money for a house, got married. By mid-30s I knew that I needed to have a baby and we were lucky enough to have DC. I'm pleased I had a long time to do lots of exciting things first but I absolutely love my life now.

@AgeLikeWine that was me, until I got pregnant.

@blueshoes

People do of course love their parents, friends and pets deeply, but until you are a parent, it is not quite the same .

I think you’re being incredibly presumptuous. It wasn’t quite the same for you.

54 happily child free and post hysterectomy so that ship has well and truly sailed

Absolutely no regrets and I read lots of threads on here in appalled wonder at the constant deliberations and discussions on most aspects of child rearing. I had never even considered most of them

I once read that a parent (or more usually a mother) is only as happy as her least happy child. I wasn’t prepared to put my happiness in someone else’s hands, and the responsibility of creating a well rounded, content ‘successful’ person just seems a ridiculous task

I would be pretty wealthy. I don’t regret having children, and one day (I hope) they will be completely self sufficient. But I do understand why people choose not to have them.

My life hasn't changed that much since having a child. I don't go out just as often and I don't go to the cinema anymore (not worth sorting childcare just to see a film). I laugh more, I get up earlier, I have a little boy I adore. I don't resent a moment of parenting, it's just something you get on with. I'm happier for having him, much happier, but like others say I had the urge that was driving me and I would never have been happy until it was fulfilled. It's like a type of madness, being driven by hormones. Someone should really invent an anti broodiness pill.

madhatter you have proven my case.

41 and 42 weeks pregnant here. First kid. In my twenties and thirties I was very ambivalent about kids and could not imagine what they would bring me. It was only when I met DH and realised how fun it would be to be a parenting team together that my view changed. As @Fouroutoffour described a completely irrational and insatiable urge took hold of me- causing us a huge amount of stress and distress as my husband was born infertile and I discovered my eggs were old and crap as we got further into a very painful
And long fertility journey.

As I sit on this birthing ball awaiting the arrival of mini Angliski I wonder if I can even imagine in what ways life will change. But I do know the desire to be here arose from deep within and took me by surprise. I’ve had ana amazing child free life and I am excited to see what an amazing life with child will be like.

Having seen many friends not have kids because they didn’t find the right guy I also feel the need to say that, having watched my mum as a single parent- there is no way I would have gone ahead without my partner - who will be a stay at home papa. Other friends have used donors and done it alone which I have huge respect for- I know without someone to share the load and the adventure, it would not have been for me.

I’m your age and have children. They’re lovely but exhausting. I found the transition quite easy but think I would have struggled if I’d waited until my thirties (as it is I went straight from living with my parents and being concerned about pleasing them to living with my husband a children and taking care of them). If I had the chance to really get used to living alone and only worrying about my own needs I think I’d struggle to give that up. Children are lovely but you have to deny yourself quite a bit to raise them.

We have being to try to conceive for the best part of 2 years and got nowhere. Increasingly wondering how bad would a child free life with less constraints, more money, better holidays etc. Having children has never made anyone or anyone's life more exciting. Now waiting in anticipation for the "you have never known love like it", "life is meaningless without children" blah blah blah brigade to rock up. Oh and it is a lifestyle choice before someone bangs on about that

I'm 28 and have an almost 2 year old, I'm a SAHM. It's not for everyone.. it is hard work and tiring and it's just non stop really. But he's my little superstar and he is worth all of it.

He has given me a thousand times more than I have given him. I'm the lucky one to have him and to get to stay at home with him. We go to playgroups and rhyme times and dog walks. And he helps me find the joy in everything.. seeing a aeroplane in the sky, hearing birds in the trees and feeding the ducks. They are all a big deal to him and he makes me stop and appreciate the beauty in all of the little things in life.

I always wanted kids and we had tried for over 4 years to get pregnant so for me, I felt the desperate primal urge people talk about.. its hard work but I would NEVER have been happy if I hadn't had children.

I would love another but I wouldn't have any treatment now we've already got DS.

Personally for me I wouldn't of liked to have children in my 30's or 40's as it's hard enough for me now, I don't think I could cope with the sleep deprivation later in life lol x

I’m 47 and so far have no regrets about being childless. I’m very happy about it. I hate being around babies and children and I’ve never understood why people opt for parenthood. I’d have made a terrible mother.

Mid-40's, childfree by choice. Never had any interest in having children and resisted the one time a former partner, who until that point had been ambivalent, suddenly decided they did actually want to be a parent. Still to this day glad I did.

Being able to pursue any sort of career I want, break I want, live where and how I like, go wherever I wish with my partner, do whatever I want, whenever I want, I have disposable income, full night's uninterrupted sleep whenever I like..... it's bliss. Wouldn't change it for the world and have absolutely no regrets at all.

I'm still saddened by the number of young women who seem to think that their primary purpose and only true measure of their worth is their ability to breed. Your life is your life and nobody else's. Live it how you want, not how society implies you should. Judging by what having children has done to my sibling's lives, I honestly can't see why anyone would consciously choose to subject themselves to parenthood. Chaos, sleep deprivation, poverty, zero liberty, no sense of self, failing health, aged twenty years in the space of five. Err... No thanks.

I have kids and and I often wonder if it was worth bothering. It's a huge sacrifice, my DD has been extremely ungrateful for most of her 12 years on the planet, she is generally hard work. My son is easier, parenting is never ending. I am a bit jealous of my childless friends

I'm in my 50s. I have three adult DC in their 20s who I adore and I will never regret having them. They have enriched my life in many ways. But... there's a big but.

If I'd known before I had them how much emotional support they would continue to need as young adults, how invested I am in their happiness, how hard it is when things aren't going well for them and I can't fix it, and the toll it would take on my own mental health, I might not have chosen to have them. Life without them would, in all honesty, be significantly less stressful.

I’m mid 40s and so far have no regrets about being childless. I’m very happy about it. I hate being around babies and children and I’ve never understood why people opt for parenthood. I’d have made a terrible father.

I’m in my 40’s, child free and mostly no regrets.

According to some I should be rolling in money from my fabulous career and busy jet setting around the world. Oh and I’m child free because I’m too selfish to look after anyone but me.

The reality is I have a mortgage and bills to pay just like everyone else and I’m pretty happy living the simple life.

I also don’t hate babies and children, in fact I think babies are amazingly cute. I just don’t think I want to be a parent (especially to a teenager!).

There’s also the small fact that there’s no shortage of humans in the world and I like to think us child free people are doing our part to look after the planet. In fact, one of the reasons I’m happily child free is that I live in Australia where climate change is well and truly here already and if I were to have a child I would fear for its future

Oh and air I’m being honest the thought of having a disabled child terrifies me.

If you don't want children then don't have them. My daughter has discussed for years at length that she doesn't want children.

I don't think we should talk about selfish in this context. It is not selfish to not want to have children but equally it is not selfish to have children. VodselForDinner really hate your comment.

Childfree in my 40s. Always been happy with that decision. No broodiness. Married for 20 years.

I think the only thing I would tell 20's me is that people always said "oh you're not having children, so you're going to be a career woman", like those were the only options. That always jarred a bit. I've done the corporate career thing and it was fun at the time, but the novelty wears off after a while.

Being childfree, you have more flexibility and greater disposable income which gives you a whole host of options. At the moment for me that looks like a great balance of part-time working, volunteering and time for hobbies.

It is not so much about what the child brings to the parent. Rather how the parent goes through profound changes when faced with the responsibility of caring for and raising a completely dependent, vulnerable being.

Childfree me - all decisions, all the time made by me for me.

Me with child - all decisions, all the time, made by me with child in mind.

It is quite the change!

SunbeamsOverhead

Is every single post and topic about children? I think you’ll find not. Maybe that’s why ...

Why are you on a parenting site childless people?

BINGO!!!!!

I never regretted having kids when they were small, even through the toddler tantrums and sleepless nights and never being able to leave the house without the kitchen sink..

Now they’re teens and preteens I can honestly say if I had my time again I wouldn’t have had kids. They are just such hard work. I’m constantly worried about them, their school work, if they’re safe, who they’re hanging out with, if they’re doing the right thing etc.

They cost me a fortune in food and clothes and shoes and constantly want driving everywhere and I’m bloody exhausted and want to lie on a beach for 3 weeks.

I’m honestly counting down the years until they move out of home..