AIBU to not allow dc to travel alone with DH to his country?

[BellaBicycle]

Our marriage is over, we are planning our separation and divorce. DH is from an EU country and wants to take all 3 dc there during half term to see his elderly family. DC have citizenships of that country. Given how things are I have said no, I am uncomfortable with it, but his family can travel here to see them, he says they are too old and infirm. He had wanted to take them for a while. I just feel I can’t risk it, don’t trust him, and especially as he got them the citizenships last year. He told me I am crazy and there’s actually something wrong with me mentally for refusing, and I shouldn’t be unreasonable when he has sick parents.
AIBU?

Stick to your gut feeling op. I wouldn’t allow it either, to much of a risk.

If it’s a country that has reciprocal agreements that would mean you are able to get them returned to you if he decided to keep them then it’s not such an issue, but in light of the fact that he only just got them citizenship I would be suspicious.

Could you ask to go with them? It might be reassuring for your kids to have you travel with them anyway if the separation is recent, and that way you have more control over the movements. The kids can see their grandparents and you remain with them.

The trip he’s planning is after Brexit, and I think the shared agreement stops then right?

I assume the citizenship had more to do with possibility of Brexit rather than planning a kidnapping... Everyone I know was getting their kids citizenships in their respective countries of origin since referendum.

How old are they ?

I could go with them
Tolerating dh is so difficult at the moment, they are all heavy drinkers too, and I’ve always hated going because of the daily alcohol fuelled dinner parties, not to mention the copious daytime drinking as well. Another reason I said no was the booze.

While you are still married can you get citizenship ?

Do you really think he would kidnap them?
If not you are being unreasonable, why do your feelings trump his? Imagine the situation reversed, him telling you that you couldn't take your own children on a plane to see your failing relatives.
The citizenship, was it discussed with you beforehand? Lots of people are getting dual citizenship in light of Brexit.

They are 6, 9, and 11

Go with them

Maybe all the more reason for you to go with them! You take the kids off to bed when the drunken dinner parties start. Depending where they are, you and kids could stay in a local hotel/b&b/etc and husband stays with his family.

Also he has said that if we had been living elsewhere in Europe, like his country and I announced then that I wanted a divorce he would’ve kept dc there. And told me I’d have had to find a job and make a life there.

Just say no, Don't go with them either, just no.
There is no guarantee he won't do a flit.

I think he would find it very hard to kidnap 3 kids of those ages.

Has he got a job and a home here? Has he applied for settled status (if he has to)?

Unless you have a very specific fear, I think it reasonable for a father to take his children to visit his family.

I would go with them or the kids don't go at all. Especially as you've said they're drinkers, do you really want your children being around that?

No way. Trust your gut.

'I've just divorced from my husband. I have elderly relatives in another EU country - where I grew up - and I really want to take them on a holiday to the country. Ex-H has said he will do anything he can to block the trip'

:Completely different set of responses: he's controlling, abusive etc.

Standard double standards.

I'd be pretty annoyed if my DH told me I couldn't take my kids to my home country to see relatives and I expect he'd feel the same. So on the face of it YABU. Unless you have genuine reasons to fear a kidnapping situation. Surely he will be able to take them abroad eventually?? As for him saying that if you'd be living in his country he would have wanted to keep the kids there... well I kind of get that - why not? Why uproot the kids because of your divorce? Why would your wish to return to your country trump his wish to see his kids? Surely keeping the kids where they are settled is the most sensible way.

Can you legally say No? He's their father.

Yes he does have to apply for settled status but had long refused to do so, saying he hates this boring country, which I love and it is my home, same for dc.

He had full time demanding job, working from home, with eu travel, and just last month he’s transferred to be in charge of neighbouring country to his home country. He has also suggested a move there for all of us to see if it helps the marriage, claiming that work travel stress had made him be an arse, and this would stop travel stress, and he would be better.

Obviously not a risk I will ever take.

I would avoid it altogether if you can, and I have considerable experience of Eastern Europe, which is where I’m guessing he is from.

Also if you say no be prepared for him to similarly prevent you from taking your kids on a holiday abroad in the future.
Where is your DH settled?

Yes I can stop him even though he’s their father. Equally he can stop me. And either party can apply to the court for permission to travel, then it’s up to a judge to give permission or not.

Surely he will be able to take them abroad eventually??

No, he must never be allowed to travel to his home country with any of his children.

FFS