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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Is this teacher being unreasonable?

306 replies

OhHolyJesus · 16/01/2020 22:46

3rd time lucky, genuinely not being goady, I'm seriously concerned reading this teacher's account and I want to share so others can be aware and see how it is from a teacher's perspective.

This is from Safe Schools Alliance:

I am utterly horrified at what was taught at a PSHE lesson at my school recently. It was to a group of children, most are 11-12 years old. It is so, so much worse than I thought.
The topic was LGBT and Diversity. The kids were taught that biological sex is your anatomy (genitals etc), however, male, female and intersex are genders and are on a spectrum. They were told that people can identify however they want -- as male or female. Some people identify as neither; some identify as non-binary. The teachers spoke about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. They explained a lesbian is attracted to ‘other women’, but it was clear that if anyone can identify as a woman then ‘other women’ may actually be men. ‘Cisgender’ was also mentioned and the kids were told that ‘a cisgender person is someone who identifies with the sex they were assigned at birth’. Sex and gender were conflated throughout the lesson and sometimes they were used as synonyms. The kids went home thinking God knows what.
The kids were also told briefly about bestiality, sex toys and masturbation. I really, truly wish that I was kidding. I don’t know who brought up bestiality but the teachers should have shut this down immediately and explained that it is inappropriate, not to mention illegal in the UK. Nothing of the sort. One of the teachers said it was a sexuality whereby some people are attracted to and have sex with animals. It was talked about like it is completely normal. The other things that were taught, were sex toys and masturbation. The kids were told about how people “pleasure themselves”, that some women use a vibrator and some men masturbate to pornography.
I feel disgusted and disheartened. I feel a lesson like that should be reported to the headteacher and the governors but I don’t think it will be dealt with appropriately. The school has form for not taking safeguarding seriously. I feel like I’m going mad and I’m wrong. I know I’m not, but it feels like it. I hope that the parents will say something. They must. Some of the boys [in our school] act a lot older than their age. They are always making inappropriate sexual comments or asking inappropriate sexual questions. I suspect some are also watching pornography online. A couple are obsessed with murder, rape [of girls], suicide and corporal punishment. The sort of PSHE lesson I witnessed will do nothing to challenge their unhealthy attitudes to sex, relationships and women.
We also have a student who is transgender. A girl who identifies as a boy. We were told to use male pronouns to use for her. There was no discussion. I don’t think this is in [the student’s] best interests but I felt unable to say anything. A teacher was reprimanded by a colleague for using ‘she’ for this girl. I [have been] forced to lie to a student. She used ‘she’ for the [transboy] and was told off by a teacher. I am being forced to actively lie. I feel that I cannot safeguard my students effectively. I am worried and scared for the kids-- especially our girls – what they’re being told and being forced to use mixed-sex toilets. At this point, I think that the only thing that will stop all this madness is some poor young girl being harmed. The local council is in meltdown. [We] have sent them two letters. They haven’t responded to the second one but from the response to the first one they don’t see any safeguarding issues. Ofsted and the DfE are on board the trans train. The DfE is funding Mermaids. Who are teachers supposed to turn to?
Teacher, 32, England

OP posts:
HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 16/01/2020 23:21

Jason, the OP never suggested it was - this is from a teachers account of PHSE in her school. I think the fact that they were conflating sex/gender and intersex is a cause for concern and that's the teachers point?

OhHolyJesus · 16/01/2020 23:28

Agree Strong of course it's normal and children should know it's not going to make you blind. It's not 1950. Parents can explain this as well as teachers but you could cover that in a briefly, age-appropriate way. It is self discovery after all, teachers can't say what feels good for them will be right for each pupil and it starts way before 11, but it is private and should be something a child learns about as they grow into their teens. But who doesn't learn how to masturbate?

I was more shocked by other elements to this. It's a fine line though as we saw in Warwickshire...

OP posts:
WhatsTheLatest · 16/01/2020 23:29

Children are being taught that our society is no holds barred, whatever their age. Anything goes. I walk passed groups of year 7s acting out anal sex. They know things their minds should not be processing yet.

I fear for them. I couldn't care less if 'right on' 'woke' people call me a twat. If us as adults are thinking that this society is acceptable with what they are being taught at far too young an age then I despair at many of my generation. We are here to protect our young. We have imo let them down badly and the genie is out of the bottle yes, but that doesn't mean we have to pretend that the unacceptable is fine.

The transgender discussion however is another subject and must be spoken about. As should preferred pronouns. And that is one of the few advancements that such openness is positive for.

Lifeinthelastlane · 16/01/2020 23:30

I think teenagers can masturbate without need for pornography. That would make me really angry.

Daisy7654 · 16/01/2020 23:30

I too work in a school and I believe OP very much. The rest of you are deluded. It's very alarming.

LordOfTheWhys · 16/01/2020 23:31

It's a pity they didn't share screenshots of the materials. It would be more effective at reaching people.
It's a reminder to everyone to check who is conducting PHSE training in their DCs' schools, what materials they're using and who trained them.
It feels like PIE all over again.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 16/01/2020 23:32

This is exactly why all my children and now grandchildren were enrolled in faith-based schools.

LordOfTheWhys · 16/01/2020 23:33

Georgia faith-based schools aren't immune to this. There's been a concerted effort to introduce similar into faith-based schools for almost a decade.

soapboxqueen · 16/01/2020 23:37

From this September much of this stuff will be manditory, no exceptions. Looking through materials or being in a single sex school (whatever than means now), won't mean much. Faith need schools are supposed to get a little leeway but not much.

Queenie8 · 16/01/2020 23:39

@OhHolyJesus my dc (year 7) mentioned something about 'cis' last week from phse lessons. I kindly pointed out that we are all different and we must accept that. My dc also had a dc transition from one gender to another in year 6. Whilst slightly confused, my dc (thankfully) just accepted it. I will probe further to last week's lesson wrt beastiality and masturbation - my dc are bright and accepting, but personally I think it's a step too far for year 7, so thank you for the heads up.

karencantobe · 16/01/2020 23:47

I am sure issues like bestiality were discussed in answer to kids questions. They do need to be able to ask questions.

DerryWitch · 16/01/2020 23:50

Part of the problem is there is a difference between accepting a person regardless of their personal preferences, quirks and needs, and lying to other children about reality. Tolerance and acceptance shouldn’t extend to creating an alternative worldview to accommodate one child, at the expense of the others. Truth matters especially to children. Bestiality does exist but it’s entirely inappropriate to answer the question as if it’s perfectly normal. This is the effect of the current push to acceptance in all circumstances and it is not good for children.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/01/2020 23:57

Yanbu. Schools should be teaching exceptance not as a choice.
I'd be livid if the school teach my children this. It is interesting they use the word spectrum. My beautiful DD who loved dolls pink and dancing last year has had her hair cut short, first it started with banning pink, only shopping in boys section, next gay and lastly her long locks chopped, she's not trans she's non binary 😳. She has ASD more aspergers. I'm bringing her to talk to a psychiatrist though I've been reading up on the link between ASD and gender identity issues. Should these loons be pushing this idea and some of our most vulnerable DC looking for a place.

Yestermost · 16/01/2020 23:58

Lol at faith based schools being a haven from sex ime they were much worse as everyone was under educated and over interested in sex.

OldGreyBadger · 17/01/2020 00:01

The Safe Schools Alliance is a USA-based fundamentalist Christian organisation which, among other things, believes that gay people can be "converted" to straight. I wouldn't believe a word of OP's post without tangible proof. And even then - so what?

Catsandchardonnay · 17/01/2020 00:02

Do you have children OP? What would you do if one of them said to you they identify as a different gender? Would you refuse to accept it or try to support them? Would you prefer your child has information about the way they feel or that they feel isolated?

EmeraldShamrock · 17/01/2020 00:05

Lol at faith based schools being a haven from sex There not. My DD is 10 she had sex education last year. Although she knew most of it. She didn't need to hear masterbation sex toys she's 10. She'll get it when she is more grown up.
Penis in vagina.
We all learnt pretty quick naturally without these indept talks growing up.

pinkoneblueone · 17/01/2020 00:05

I have an 11 year old and can absolutely say had she been present in that class I would have been marching to the school to make a complaint based on the extent of the things they were told they didn't need to know all of that so young and get too up classes through the years so why should they have been told so much. Op are you in SE England?

Pieceofpurplesky · 17/01/2020 00:06

In sex Ed at my school a box is put out and the kids put in questions. Anything can be asked and will be answered. The favourite is 'can you get pregnant from anal sex'. I would assume this is the way the questions are asked.

LordOfTheWhys · 17/01/2020 00:06

OldGrey you have the wrong group. The OP is quoting from an UK group that has no religious or political affiliations.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 17/01/2020 00:08

"The Safe Schools Alliance is a USA-based fundamentalist Christian organisation which, among other things, believes that gay people can be "converted" to straight"

No it fucking isn't! Jesus... Not a single word of that is true. 🙄

soapboxqueen · 17/01/2020 00:08

If my child told me they identified as a different gender I'd ask them what they meant by that. Gender Disphoria is a serious condition but it doesn't change reality for everyone else.

MorganKitten · 17/01/2020 00:09

We also have a student who is transgender. A girl who identifies as a boy. We were told to use male pronouns to use for her. There was no discussion. I don’t think this is in [the student’s] best interests but I felt unable to say anything. A teacher was reprimanded by a colleague for using ‘she’ for this girl. I [have been] forced to lie to a student. She used ‘she’ for the [transboy] and was told off by a teacher.

I’m glad the teacher was told to use the child’s correct pronouns, he will be more comfortable now the teachers understand.

NotAnotherFeckingMuftiDay · 17/01/2020 00:10

OldGreyBadger
Safe Schools Alliance is not a USA based fundamentalist Christian organisation.
It is not affiliated to any religious or political groups and was set up by a group of parents, teachers and grandparents, health care professionals and other concerned people around the UK.

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/about/
The SSA campaign is focused on working with schools and educators to ensure that school policies meet the safeguarding needs of all students whilst taking intoaccount the protected characteristics of the Equality Act 2010. We endeavour to provide clarity on the law and offer unbiased, evidence-based guidance and support where conflict between protected characteristics arises.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/01/2020 00:11

@Pieceofpurplesky Jesus christ 🙉😂 ... Young teen girls already think they have to full on porn stars, telling them at ten how boys get off on porn, they can check it out see how to do it when they fancy a boy...
Leave the kids to learn naturally.

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