To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

[chanellle]

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

if she didn’t mean to dampen your lovely excitement, she would have attempted to fix it afterwards when she saw it upset you (and I am confident that she did see it upset you.)

This is based on precisely nothing in the OP, though. The friend is possibly entirely unaware of how much emotional weight the OP is putting on this holiday, and entirely unaware of how much the OP (very sadly, and I'm sure her children don't agree) appears to think she has failed her children by not being able to give them more material things.

It was just a throwaway comment from the friend, who had no idea that the holiday is supposed to represent an attempt to make up for non-holidays in the past, and was trying (slightly embarrassingly) to look cool in front of a teenager. It's a pity this has now made your daughter self-conscious about looking forward to the holiday, but I see no evidence at all the friend was being consciously unpleasant. Some seventeen-year-olds who have been on bi-annual family holidays all their lives might well be bored of them and want to go away with their friends, but this is not the OP's kid.

I hope they have a brilliant time, but I think people are projecting incredible amounts onto a remark from the friend that was nothing more than an attempt to look hip in front of a seventeen-year-old.

Of course it’s possible it’s a throwaway comment...but IMO throwaway thoughtless comments feel like throwaway thoughtless comments. That’s why I mentioned intent is important. There is just as much projection in saying it was just a friend trying to look cool to your 17 year old daughter.

OP, you know your "friend".
You know if she is prone to carry remarks.
You know the tone of voice.
You know the facial expression she had on her face when she said it.

If this feels very off to you, then it's because it was off.

Not a nice thing to say at all.
Completely unnecessary.

Loads of late teens/20's still love a free holiday with the parents.

I've heard more than one friend say they thought they'd get away without their children this year, to find they are all still game to go on holiday...if the parents are paying,😂

Oh I wouldnt worry too much about what your friend said.
The choice of words straight after your news sounds very like my work colleague who has definite foot in mouth syndrome. She never seems to gauge the whole audience but instead focuses on one person and addresses her remarks to them . Often its a pithy ,funny remark and would be fine in private joshing but she forgets about the rest of the people around her who are sometimes stunned by what comes out of her mouth. Usually nothing nasty but just thoughtless.
Dont give it another thought - its not worth it and she has already forgotten what she said .

When I was 19, my mum thought it would be our last family holiday together.
We laugh now because we’re still having holidays together and I’m 50.
Our best holidays are the multigenerational ones!

Think this comment may of slipped your friends tongue, they may of meant it as humour but it has come out completely the wrong way. Ignore and move on.

Sorry but what a twit she sounds! My friends kids are 21 and 18 and they had two holidays with their parents last year (one abroad and one in the UK) and loved them. It doesn't matter about their age it's a lovely family holiday. Please don't listen to your friend. You've got the kids involved in choosing the holiday and it all sounds fab. Go, have a brilliant time and send a pics to your friend of your 17 year old hugging you and smiling.....every day of your holiday! xxx

My children 15 and 18 (nearly 19) still enjoy coming away with us (older child also saves to go away with friends at end of school too). Her children might not want to go with her but that says more about her in my opinion. Your daughter is definitely not too old to come with you and you should all continue to be excited. Ignore your so called friend and have a wonderful time. I’m sure you all will.

She must not have had a good relationship with her parents then. I know loads of people who love going with their parents well into their twenties. My kids are teenagers and show no signs at all of not wanting to come with us. Ignore her
.

DH and I still go away with my parents and we're in our 40s. There's absolutely nothing wrong with going with your parents at 17

Sorry your “friend” felt the need to make that comment in front of your daughter and I’m sure over the years she would have known your situation and how you weren’t able to take the kids away. She must have known how much this meant to you and your family so I don’t know why she would say that. She Sounds charming. Go on holiday have a great time with your kids I bet you’ll all love it. And also glad things are improving for you now

We’re in a similar position to you and totally get why it’s deflated you. People who go on holiday every year with their kids wouldn’t understand. This friend is either put out your circumstances have improved, ignorant about your past or just spiteful and not a friend at all. A friend should understand how exciting this is for you all. Enjoy and don’t let it get under your skin or your daughter’s; the holiday doesn’t have to be perfect either but it will be an adventure and it will give her confidence if she ever does fly out to Magaluf (that’s if teens can afford it after Br*t!) It’s like getting excited you get a new car and then some twat turns their nose up because they’ve always had one. Trot on by snotty!

I wish I had a mum as lovely as you and would have loved to go on Holiday. It’s great to get away at any age I think. It’ll be so lovely to share this as a family and your children will remember and enjoy this special time with parents who clearly adore them. Your ‘friend’ is a dick, and a selfish one at that. Have a chat with your lovely kids and plan any special trips within your holiday together to pull the excitement back o where it was, hope you all h e a wonderful time together x

I stayed at home at 17 when my dps took my dsis and a friend on holiday, then had holidays with friends for a few years. Then I started holidaying again with my parents sporadically throughout my 20s. I'm now divorced and nearly 40 and am going away with my parents next week - I'm trying to say you're never too old and definitely not at 17! Enjoy it, you all deserve it!

It sounds like an off the cuff comment but a stupid one at that. I can see why it's pissed u off, we have never been able to afford a holiday abroad and only went on our first family holiday in North Devon last year coz we never had a car before that, mine r 12, 8 and 7 yrs old. I would have gone away with my parents when I was 17 if I didn't already have my oldest, there's no shame in wanting to spend time with your parents just coz your older. My best friend was very supportive when we went on our first holiday as she knew how special it was for us, she even helped me plan it and gave the kids some penny's to spend, but I had another "friend" who found negatives in all of it. Enjoy your holiday and family time, it sounds like it's gonna be really special. Xx

It was a throw away comment of the type anyone might make. I think you’re triggered because of the guilt you feel.

Your 'friend' is completely out of order! She is probably jealous that your kids like your company and actively want to spend time with you.
Even if you were unable to take them away before you probably still tried your best to enjoy your time together.
I tell your daughter that your 'friend' example of how people can be hurtful without reason.
I still take the kids I raised on holiday with me, they are all in their twenties and absolutely look forward to it.
Honestly don't that that negativity in your head! Have brilliant holiday!
(you probably have already but make sure you what safety equipment you need to have in car for driving in France)

Your ‘friend’ was out of line to say that! I’m 27 and would love to go on holiday with my mum! Stuff what she thinks, go and have an amazing, well deserved time!!
Just because she preferred to be getting wasted in Shag-a-scruff doesn’t mean your daughter does! 😊
💖

It was a nasty comment from a so called friend who sounds very jealous. I would be very wary of her true intentions as a 'friend'.... My DH & me have had 10 days of heaven driving around France in the summer of 2019...Enjoy every second.....

@Mamaxmagee we used to call it ‘shagamuff’ 😂😂😂

I don’t actually think the comment is that mean at all! It’s a throw away comment. Let’s face it most teenagers would rather be in shagaluf. Although in your case she must be super excited. I really wouldn’t worry about it. Your friend meant no harm.

Friend has been very unkind without realising it. I must have gone on 2 holidays as a child and only one of those was with my parents. Caravan holidays in uk. If my parents had planned a trip like yours when I was 17 I'd have been so excited and loved to have gone. Keep looking forward to it and hopefully your daughter realises that friend has been an arse.

I still go on holiday with my mum. I went to Turkey with my parents when I was 17 and loved it.

Holidays with family & particularly grown up kids are special. Making memories. It’s also an indication of how good your relationship is with them that they want to contribute ideas, help with the planning & be with you. All families are different. Your trip sounds fantastic and clearly means a lot to you & then. Sounds like they appreciate his hard you’ve worked to be able to do this.
Just be glad that your kids will willingly be there this summer & have the special time you clearly all deserve. My DD now 20 will hopefully always want you come away with us. She doesn’t consider it “lame” at all.

Your friend is a thoughtless knob but I don't think she meant it maliciously. Reassure your DD that there's plenty of time for Magaluff type shenanigans