Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

358 replies

chanellle · 16/01/2020 19:50

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

OP posts:
TriangleBingoBongo · 17/01/2020 07:24

I moved out at 18 and holidayed with my mum this year at nearly 30!

OnGoldenPond · 17/01/2020 07:25

My DD is 20 and lives away from home but she still massively looks forward to our family holiday and would be devastated to miss it.

She also goes away with her friends and boyfriend but still loves spending time with the family.

I think it just shows that you have a happy family and you are well bonded with your DC. Your friend is just jealous, bet her kids hate her.

fishonabicycle · 17/01/2020 07:31

That's just stupid. My son loves his holidays with us, as well as enjoying his holiday with his mates and festivals etc! Some kids actually like their parents.

fishonabicycle · 17/01/2020 07:32

Ps have a lovely time 😘

MissB83 · 17/01/2020 07:36

That's unpleasant of your friend. I still go away on holiday with my parents and I'm 36! At that age I did also go away with my boyfriend but I enjoyed being with the family (and being a freeloader). I hope you enjoy your family holiday, you've worked hard for it and deserve it!

Jeleste · 17/01/2020 07:55

We do a family holiday with my parents and siblings almost every year. To this day i have only missed one because of pregnancy (i wasnt allowed to fly). I went to every single one as a teen and i loved it. So did my siblings.

woodymiller · 17/01/2020 08:20

Last year my DD, same age as yours, gave up invite to Aiya Napa with her friends to come away with us. She's coming away with us again this summer (student now so there's probably an element of free holiday v no holiday. I find when we're away everyone does get on better, does more together, it's proper family time away from work pressure, peer pressure, etcetcetc & we remember that we're all not so bad after allGrin
It sounds like you are taking into account that it's a holiday for the four of you and are accommodating everyone and sharing the planning. Keep doing that and you'll have a brilliant holiday

5foot5 · 17/01/2020 08:30

My DD is in her mid twenties but still often comes away with us. She also goes on holiday with her mates sometimes but still chooses to join in some of our holidays too and we all love it. Certainly at 17 she very much looked forward to family hols.

You "friend" is a dick. Have you thought of calling her on it? Text her "Wow thanks Brenda. First family holiday in years and your snide comment really took the edge off it for DD. Way to go."

Traffy · 17/01/2020 08:30

Twat, arsehole, bitch, cow, jealous, moron - honestly MN are unleashing their best on this thread. Hmm

You'll over-reacting and seeing something that isn't there. It's a standard comment aimed at making conversation with a teenager. It wasn't a personal dig.

It's clumsy, yes, but it doesn't even remotely showcase the friend as any of the above.

beautifulstranger101 · 17/01/2020 08:33

It's clumsy, yes, but it doesn't even remotely showcase the friend as any of the above

I agree. Yes, it was a stupid comment but I dont think it was intentionally motivated by a deep seated vicious hatred/jealousy as some people seem to be making out. I'm a bit surprised by the conclusions some people are making eg "she hates you! she has done for years and is insanely jealous of your holiday and is probably plotting to kill you" etc lol

Sometimes people say dumb things.

NameChangeNugget · 17/01/2020 08:44

Your friend is a cock

mindfulmam · 17/01/2020 08:47

Also you sound a bit self pitying with the grimy caravan stories. You are not a victim lots of people don't holiday much or stay in uk

whatdoyouthinkyouknow · 17/01/2020 08:51

You'll have an amazing time. Ours still come away with us and I have grown teens and an adult for children.

I wouldn't be surprised if her comment stems from jealousy.

It's really special to share things as a family and some parents have teenagers that don't want to engage.

Enjoy your time together, you'll make wonderful memories.

Shockers · 17/01/2020 08:51

Actually, I think it’s more than clumsy. The OP was telling her friend about her plans- clearly excited- and her friend pissed on her chips. Not cool.

zasknbg · 17/01/2020 08:54

I know some teens (one family) that when they were aged 0-10 went on some fantastic holidays all over the globe. They can’t remember any of it. Get rid of your guilt. Your kids will remember this holiday and you have loved them throughout their lives which is the most important thing. Many teens and young adults holiday with their parents, people seem to sneer at it for some reason.

JustDanceAddict · 17/01/2020 09:00

DD came away w us last summer at 17. She’d done something w friends earlier on and it was a disaster!
This year I think she’ll do both (different friends) as will DS - they’ll be 16 and 18 and they still want the family holiday. It’s good bonding but a week is enough 😆

JustDanceAddict · 17/01/2020 09:01

A lot of post year 12s do Magaluf but By no means all!!

ineedto · 17/01/2020 09:03

DS will be 18 soon and coming with us again this week war. He's one of the 'cool' kids and loves family time, day trips, hanging with his sisters, meals, swimming etc.

Your friend was inconsiderate at best.

ineedto · 17/01/2020 09:04

Year* no week war... forthright fun 😳

hellsbellsmelons · 17/01/2020 09:21

Sounds lovely OP.
Ignore the sour bitch.
She can get to fuck.
I have a wonderful relationship with my parents (well.... my mum doesn't know who I am now, but...) and my sisters and myself still holidayed with them until a few years ago when my mum couldn't really travel.
I'm planning a holiday with my dad this year!
I'm 51!!!!
If you have a good relationship with your parents you holiday with them forever!
Enjoy it.
Tell your 17 YO that she can consider a holiday on her own when she can afford it and when she is minimum 18!

Highonpotandused · 17/01/2020 10:09

What a jealous cow. Ignore her OP, please don't let her sour your holiday and the build-up.

I would have to confront her about this, otherwise it would eat me up.

Does she go away on holiday and is she used to you not going on holiday? Maybe it made her feel superior?

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 17/01/2020 10:10

Get rid of your “friend” she sounds vile. FWIW my 17 year old would much rather go on holiday with us rather than go to Shagaloof.

timeforawine · 17/01/2020 10:11

Your friend is an idiot who should think before she speaks!
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday OP, you deserve it.

nocluewhattodoo · 17/01/2020 10:31

I'm in my mid twenties and I would say at least 50% of my peers still holiday with their parents. Your friend is a total dick trying to put a dampener on it. I would be cooling off that particular 'friendship'

Zogtastic · 17/01/2020 10:46

I agree with @Shockers - if she didn’t mean to dampen your lovely excitement, she would have attempted to fix it afterwards when she saw it upset you (and I am confident that she did see it upset you.)
Classic passive aggressive behaviour allows the opportunity to say “I was only joking” or “you’re too sensitive” if pulled up on it and people not there often say “can’t see anything too bad in that comment”.
If it’s making you judge your whole friendship with your friend that I suspect you’ve suddenly realised with hindsight that she does this to you a lot...it’s just she’s misjudged it this time and gone too far for you. I admit I could well be projecting from experiences in my life...but intent behind comments matter - the same comment from two different people with different intents feel very different when you’re on the receiving end. Intent matters...and most people subconsciously pick up on intent. It’s hard to definitively infer intent if you weren’t there...which is what a lot of passive aggressive people rely on...

Swipe left for the next trending thread