To be upset about friend's comment regarding holiday?

[chanellle]

Me and DH have had absolutely no money for years. We've lived very basic lives, barely getting by. Live in an okay area, but for years we couldn't afford a car so we never went out or had treats. I cannot think of one time we ever went out for a family meal etc. Kids sometimes got Christmas presents from the charity shop as they grew up, and they've never been abroad. They've had 2 holidays in their lives, both of which were at cheap grimy caravan parks in the UK when they were little. DD is now 17 and DS is 15. However the past couple of years things have been steadily improving, and we can finally afford to go abroad this Summer. We are driving to France. The teens, never having had a proper holiday before, cannot wait. DD even picked the Air B and B with me and we let DS choose the city. We're trying to make the holiday focused around them because I always felt bad as they grew up that they really had fuck all from us.

Because of all of this, this holiday is a really big deal for our family, and obviously with the DC getting into late teens it's not like it's something that we'll keep doing each year. Friend was round earlier and I was telling her about the holiday plans, and friend suddenly came out with "I bet you're dreading it aren't you DD, I'd have hated a week away with my parents when I was 17. Bet you'd much rather be in Magaluf with your mates." (DD was in the room). We were both kind of stunned and I changed the topic.

Maybe I am being petty but the comment has really upset me, and it's made DD insecure about the fact that she was actually looking forward to coming away with us. She was excited about it and now she keeps asking "Do you reckon I'm too old to be going with you?" I can't think of why it's bothering me so much but it's made me feel really shit and I've gone off my friend over it.

What? Friend is a moron. Im over 30 with children and still go on family holidays with parents. We are a close family. Its very fucking sad that being a close family is mocked.

Your friend sounds shallow and unkind. She’s probably not wanted on holiday with family or mates. Cow.

It sounds like she was just trying to make a joke and be ‘cool’. If she’s normally fine I’d let it slide.

Also please try to not feel so guilty over the fact they’ve never been abroad. My first ever holiday was last year aged 27! It mattered to me not one bit and I have an amazing relationship with my parents.

Your friend is jealous because her own teenage kids wouldn’t want to be on holiday away with her as the mother.
As much as teenagers enjoy holidaying with their friends, in my experience, they do really enjoy being away with their own family because they can be themselves, relax and have fun without having to worry about any practical aspects or emotional dramas.

I think your friend just wasn't thinking. Its just what people say to late teens.

As for you feeling guilty, you haven't "given them fuck all" material things aren't everything. You've given them love and a close family and many happy memories.

We had little money when I was growing up, I've still never been abroad and my parents took us on 2 caravan holidays during that time. I loved my childhood and wouldn't change it. Meanwhile my friend was taken everywhere including Disney Land and didn't give a shit (alcohol problems with her parents) and had a terrible childhood.

Stop beating yourself up when you've done nothing wrong and hope you all have a great holiday

You and your family were happy and excited and she thought she would rain on your parade. She has made your DD feel unsure of herself and embarrassed to be excited about going away with her parents. She has therefore taken the shine off your long awaited holiday. I would find it difficult to forget about this but you probably should if she is generally a nice friend.

Your friend either had a brainless moment or was feeling jealous (either of your holiday or your family, maybe) and lashed out. Not very nice of her, and if this attitude was repeated, I'd stop seeing as much of her.

Please reassure your daughter that it's perfectly normal to go on a family holiday at 17 (or any age, really)! There's nothing strange about it. As you say, your kids are getting older, and it won't be long before they've started more independent lives of their own, so this is the perfect time to have a trip together, before your daughter leaves the nest.

You've done the best you could for your family, and I'm sure they know and appreciate that. I hope you'll have a wonderful holiday together.

Totally agree with *@WarrenNicole. The friend has been ripped to shreds for what was more than likely an ill-judged comment. Presumably the OP would've noticed before if her friend was a jealous, nasty bitch/cow? And all the assumptions that the friend has a terrible relationship with her own DC's, who don't want to be around her. It's perfectly fine and normal for older teens not to want to go on holiday with their parents, just as it's perfectly fine and normal to keep going on holiday right up to adulthood.
Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with MN now. Does nobody ever get the benefit of the doubt at all?

My DCs are 17 and 14 and we’ve already planned our next 3 years’ holidays! My BF is nearly 40 (single, no kids) and still goes on holiday with her DPs and DBs. Your friend is nasty. Is she jealous of your happy family perhaps? Of course DD isn’t too old to come with you.

When I was 17 I decided I was too old to go on holiday with my DPs and had a simple time youth-hosteling whilst they had a sunny Spain package trip. Jealous much! Wish I’d gone with them. However now I think DCs holiday with their parents till they’re much older. Perfectly normal. Have a fab time OP.

She was trying to be cool and it was a thoughtless comment

My lovely Dad is 89 this year and I went away with him when he was early 80s and had a great time . I would go away for a holiday with him this year if he wanted to (& not because he would pay as it would be my treat to him although he would argue about me paying )

I hope my DS would want to go away with me when he is 17 .

Have a fab time

Your "friend" sounds like a jealous arsehole!

She obviously doesn't understand that the bond between a mother and daughter doesn't have a time limit!

I've always been happy and excited to go anywhere with my mum, and even as a grown woman, married with my own house, if either of us suggested a weekend away together it would be something which we would both look forward to!

Mine still love coming away with us. They like their own holidays too but won't say no to a free one with us.

It was thoughtless but if it's out of character maybe give her the benefit of the doubt, that it was a joke that came out wrong.

I know I've had many foot in mouth moments, and usually torment myself over them later. Sometimes I try to reassure myself that the person I've said it to probably didn't notice or doesn't remember, but this thread shows you that sometimes they do.

Your friends talking bullshit I’m 22 and have always went on holidays with my family and have one booked for this Easter with my parents, siblings, dh and dd. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want to go abroad on holiday because they wouldn’t want to spent a week with their mum and dad. Reassure your dd the friends talking shit and she’s is no way to old, I don’t think I’ll ever be “to old” to holiday with my parents.

I’m 38 i t
Still go on holiday with My parents! Never stopped! These days I take DH, DS and DSS and DSD!

Shows what a great childhood she has had! I'm intending on taking my kids on holiday with us as long as possible. They love it!

Aww, have an amazing hol with your gorgeous family and don’t give this silly woman another thought. My one isn’t a teen yet but all my colleagues, friends and relatives with kids in their teens and, and early 20s in many cases, still go away together, your so-called friend is talking rubbish.

Definitely not too old to do a family holiday.

But to make it more independent for your older child, is there an interest/hobby they love and could do while away - either on her own or with just you? Art gallery, cooking class, photography day, balloon ride, rock climbing? Something that is quite cool that she can look forward to/chat about to friends that isn't "lunch with the family at X", "we all went to see Y". Still have mostly family time on the holiday, but also something just for her (and son could do same, if he has interest...).

i also think ignore.i think you felt it more because this is such a huge deal for you all.and it bloody well should be.wht youve managed to achieve and come up from is brilliant.be proud of that.as we go through life people will say things they have no idea will touch a vulnerable part of us.because those parts are our own stories.so often other have no idea of them.so try to let it go.and enjoy this holiday.
let you girl see this thread.or just tell her of how many posters say they go away with their parents still at 40 lol.
and some dont.its nothing to be ashamed of either way.

You don't have to justify having a holiday to us.
Your friends comment is quite a popular if a bit old fashioned view and was probably not meant totally seriously.
You are over thinking it and taking it too personally I think. Let it go it was just a flippant comment based on her own experiences.

Agree that it was a throwaway comment. I had similar said to me as a teenager and it wouldn’t have bothered me, or my mother.

A touch insensitive perhaps if friend was aware this was your first holiday en famille but I wouldn’t lose sleep - or an otherwise good friendship - over it.

She was just making conversation. She didn't mean anything by it I don't think

Your friend sounds a little jealous. And weird.

I loved going on holidays with my parents in my teens and 20s. Even in my 30s I’ve managed to do a couple of trips taking the dc along as well. I hope to continue as long as they are well enough to travel. I particularly enjoy the long distance driving chats.

Who even lets their 17yo go to Magaluf with their mates? (Totally misses point)

It was a throw away comment. Your friend was very clumsily trying to interact with your DD. She said she would have hated to go on holiday with her parents - that's her, and not everyone. I understand why you're hurt, I would be too but I doubt your friend meant to be malicious, she's just an arse.

We hadn't had a whole family holiday for a few years but I asked my older 3 last year and they all chose to come - no requirement, no pressure. They don't live at home and are 23,24 and 26 (bright partners). A week in Maga would be my girls' idea of hell on earth. Dd2 (24) is joining us for a weekend near where she's at uni soon with her 16yo sister for my birthday. Families like spending time together relaxing and having fun.

I'm sure it was just a badly worded joke.

Hope you have a fantastic holiday together - it's great when the children are old enough to do stuff and don't need so much looking after.

I don’t think your friends comment justifies being torn to shreds here. It sounds like she was just trying to be ‘down my with the teens. I don’t think you’ve been a very nice friend allowing hundreds of strangers to tear her character apart for a throwaway comment.