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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask what those of you who are happy with your lives do?

184 replies

Elle7rose · 16/01/2020 18:40

Just that really...

  • What job do you have?
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids?
  • Are you financially very well off?
  • Are you in good health?
  • Or is it just an attitude?
OP posts:
PPopsicle · 17/01/2020 22:12

Teacher/own business
DH and DS
comfortable with money
Good health

Happiest I’ve ever been

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 17/01/2020 22:15

I'm a chartered accountant (aged 52)
I'm single: no children
Yes, I consider myself financially well off
I'm in excellent health

I absolutely love my life Smile

Bloomburger · 17/01/2020 22:15

I'm a PT
Yes am married. 3 children.
We are comfortably off.
Other than things attributed to peri menopause I'm probably healthier than I've ever been.

Gammeldragz · 17/01/2020 22:18

Nurse in a lovely general practice, 24 hours a week.
Married, 3 children, I'm 34.
Financially low income but not desperate.
Despite DH struggling with mental health and my mum dying 3 months ago, I would still say I'm happy. I love my job, I have enough food, clothes and roof over my head (rented, but still).
I grew up with very little in quite a chaotic home, so my life seems pretty good in comparison. I'm also very resilient and practical, so I don't stress much. It's probably mostly mindset.

MiniPharm · 17/01/2020 22:22

@Disquieted1 I love your reply but I only think it's enough...it should be - but some people (me) are just fundamentally negative....

Dazedandconfused10 · 17/01/2020 22:23

What job do you have? Work in tech. Like it most of the time.

  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids? Well he just left me, so no, and no
  • Are you financially very well off? That will depend on if he takes my money in the divorce.
  • Are you in good health? Meh.

All in all though I'm happy.

kikisparks · 17/01/2020 22:23
  • I’m changing jobs, the one I’m in now is ok.
  • I have an amazing DH, my best friend and support, we have loads of fun together. Also wonderful Dcat.
  • We are financially comfortable- own our home, car, holidays etc
  • I’m in good health apart from endometriosis

One main sadness in my life is infertility but I am otherwise very happy.

BeanTownNancy · 17/01/2020 22:30

My job isn't what I wanted to do with my life, but it's not too stressful, it's flexible and offers good benefits and I'm well liked and respected. I'm happy enough for now but I'd love to retrain one day into something where I could help people.

I have a wonderful husband - he's everything I never thought I'd go for and he's perfect for me. We have 2 kids, an active 3 year old and an 8 month old, so things are intense right now, but settling down.

We are financially comfortable (enough for all of our bills and food and the occasional trip out or a short UK break and a couple of meals out a month - childcare eats up a lot of our wages though...) Importantly, we know we've got a buffer of parents who would be prepared to help if we ever had an emergency.

My health is terrible. 8 months after my second emergency c-section, my body is wrecked and I have a host of other health problems too.

A lot of it is attitude I think though. I've never been one to care about "stuff" so I don't mind how much money i have as long as there's enough for bills and food. I think if you choose to, you can enjoy almost anything; like rain or cleaning or running or salad... Choose to like it, smile when you do it and soon you'll trick yourself into being happy.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 17/01/2020 22:37

I don’t currently work, but am home educating one ds, and would like to one day turn my hobby into a small business.
Split up with my ex 5/6 years ago, and have been happily single ever since.
Live with Ds1 and ds2, both teens. They can be an occasional pain, but are mostly really good kids.
Don’t have the best of health (number of chronic conditions, which can be limiting, and does sometimes get me down).
Not a big income, but my outgoings are also low, I have some savings, and I’ve certainly been way more skint than I am now.
I’ll admit it doesn’t look great on paper, but I’m genuinely content. I have good friends, a strong faith, and I carve out a bit of time every day to do something I enjoy (usually curl up with a good book, or crochet in front of the TV).
I’ve had the husband, the mortgage, the whatever, but I wasn’t happy.

JaceLancs · 17/01/2020 22:48

Senior role in a charity
Grown up fab DC
Been single for last 15+ years
Carer for DM with dementia

I was sexually abused as a child, had drug and alcohol issues, self harmed and am on/off depressed - always struggled financially and have self esteem issues, yo-yo dieter..........

I’m actually celebrating my survival!

Racheyg · 17/01/2020 22:55

I am a part time PA - job ok, sometimes wish I worked else where but get paid well and I would gate the pay cut

Dh & Kids - together for 10 years married 18 months. 2boys 6 1/2 & 4 1/2

We do ok, dh earns enough that I don't have to go back full time (ever)

Yes - (I hope so as I feel fantastic, although could do with losing a few pounds)

Attitude definitely

Elle7rose · 17/01/2020 22:58

Thanks everyone; this has been really interesting and helpful for me to consider when trying to make some major life decisions.

OP posts:
Yahboosnubsme · 17/01/2020 23:40

I'm pretty happy, there's very little that I have to be miserable about.

  • What job do you have?
I work in finance and am quite senior. I don't work particularly long hours (out by 5pm, earlier if I'm picking up children from nursery). Although it's a bit of a commute (1 hour), I get paid very well for it. My boss is amazing, as is my whole team, it's a great company to work for.
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids?
DP of 6 years, DSS10, DS3, DD2. I'd like DP to become DH, but it doesn't look like it'll be happening anytime soon. I'm philosophical about it as if I decide to leave, it'll be easy for me to leave.
  • Are you financially very well off?
Yes, I earn a decent amount, roughly double what DP does and our joint salary is high. We own a semi-detached home (mortgaged) in London, although I'd like to move to a detached house with an extra bedroom or two in the next couple of years. We have a 3 year old car which is fully paid for, and no unsecured debt. Two children in nursery costs us £30k a year, so we'll be glad when they start school, though we're now mulling over whether to go private, given DDs condition (see below).
  • Are you in good health?
Yes. The only time I've ever been in hospital myself was giving birth to the children, same with visits to the GP. DP also has a condition which is likely to get worse as he gets older, although he's fine now. DD2 has just been diagnosed with ASD, and due to our financial resources, I'm confident we'll be able to support her if accessing sufficient NHS services becomes difficult.

I have a very supportive family too, we see my parents every day during the week, and almost every weekend...they are literally my whole social life, although I do have a few wonderful friends too.

  • Or is it just an attitude?
I think it is. Despite all the above, I was also happy with my lot when I was single, earned £13k a year in my first job, and was still living at home after graduating uni!
Disquieted1 · 18/01/2020 00:42

I feel a little bit humble about my reply and how it seemed to resonate with so many.

"Happiness is not the presence of things - house, car, money, DH etc - but the absence of things: loneliness, stress, pain, lack of control, sarcasm, criticism."

Dowser · 18/01/2020 06:49

Dh and I are retired.
Have a nice home , mortgage free and a static caravan that we spend more time in than home during the season.
I have Two grown up Dc both in relationships and 6 dgc. Dh has none
Am I happy? Fairly.
I’m one of life’s worriers . Health isn’t brilliant but ok.Worry about dh a lot, since his stroke 4 years ago.
Worry about my family. Their health and financials. One of them is really struggling.
I think ageing is making me worry more.
I didn’t worry as much when I was mid 40 s as I do mid 60s

TheGirlFromStoryville · 18/01/2020 07:14

I'm SAHM.
DH took early retirement.
Own house outright, no debts.
Fairly comfortable financially.

I didn't return to work after Ds was born (he's 12 now.) Love being at home.

Financially we're doing OK. Dd now at uni so no school fees to pay (she was a boarder) though we have some of her uni costs to fund. My late DF left us a lump sum to cover her uni fees and eventual house deposit.

Health is OK though I have health anxiety which has worsened since I hit perimenopause.

I don't know where this quote originated, but it's something on the lines of :
No one on their death bed ever wished they'd spent more time in work.

Also don't sweat the small stuff.

Poetryinaction · 18/01/2020 07:24

What job do you have? Teacher

  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids? Married with 3 small kids
  • Are you financially very well off? No, but we have a house amd mortgage
  • Are you in good health? Yes, mostly
  • Or is it just an attitude? Yes
littlelandlord7 · 18/01/2020 07:51
  • What job do you have?
Banking - sales
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids?
Married two years, expecting our first baby
  • Are you financially very well off?
We're both 28, DH works full time and runs his own business. I work FT on six figures (in a good year) and manage our property portfolio. We don't have much spare cash as we've been putting it into growing our rentals. It's a passion for me as well as income in the future.
  • Are you in good health? Yes

I've always been happy, for me it's about lifestyle & passions. I have my horses nearby, we have the dogs and the dream outdoor life we love. We work a lot but both very flexible hours/from home (I have to go to London 2/3 days and fly abroad). All the above said, we live in a cute rental cottage ourselves but it's in a dire state, only just got heating, one kitchen cupboard, damp etc it needs completely gutting. But it's very cheap and enabled us afford wedding, holidays, houses etc. I'm not sure when we'll be in our own dream home but it'll be so worth the wait

LellyMcKelly · 18/01/2020 08:01
  • What job do you have? I’m an academic, partner has senior role in major company.
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids? I have a partner (5 years) an ex DH who is a major part of our lives (we are all good friends and it works well) and 2 kids who are very high achievers in a competitive sport (National level)
  • Are you financially very well off? comfortable - don’t have a yacht, but have 2 homes and nice cars.
  • Are you in good health? Longish term minor Gynaecological problem which is unlikely to go without a hysterectomy.
  • Or is it just an attitude? Having lived in a sexless marriage for so long I firmly believe that one of the keys to my happiness (and I cannot believe my bloody luck!) is that I am having a LOT of high grade, high quality, sex with someone who is mad about me. I just get completely lost in it and the closeness and thrill and the energy. I Just feel so relaxed after and get a great nights sleep, and I always have a spring in my step the next day. Honestly, it should be available on the NHS.
Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 18/01/2020 08:05

I work part time - law. It’s full on but I don’t give it my all. I am retraining in something I really want to do but not sure will pay well. Feel like I’m at a crossroads but also loving the study/slight uncertainty.

Three kids. Love them dearly. Older DH whose job is very full on. Want more time for hobbies!

I’m in excellent health despite some post baby niggles but need to reduce my stress

I think happiness is more about being content. Life is never perfect and we can’t wait to say “I will be happy when....”. I try to find happiness in every day whether it’s my first coffee or the bed time story.

Oysterbabe · 18/01/2020 08:26
  • What job do you have?
I'm a lawyer but only work 3 days a week, which is a really nice balance for me. I might increase to 4 days once the kids are in school.
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids?
I have a husband and kids are 2 and 4.
  • Are you financially very well off?
Not very well off but comfortable. We have enough money to do the things we want to do and not worry but aren't exact living on caviar and taking exotic holidays.
  • Are you in good health?
Yes. No health issues and keep fit.
  • Or is it just an attitude?
I think the right attitude helps, you can be poor and in a shit job but still happy. It's not as simple as just attitude though. If I was in poor health and stressed struggling to make ends meet then a positive attitude probably wouldn't be enough.
OldGrinch · 18/01/2020 11:06

What a lovely thread. I'm not in quite the same circumstances as many on here, financial situation not brilliant and I'm not in a happy relationship but I think as you get older the little things mean more. I'm excited that the days are getting that little bit longer and that the flowers will grow again. I have two DC and watching them growing up into typical tteenagers, with their messy bedrooms and sometimes grumpy attitude makes me so happy and grateful Smile

SueEllenMishke · 18/01/2020 11:10

lellymcKelly I 100% agree about the sex thing. It makes a huge difference.

june2007 · 19/01/2020 18:17

Generally happy with my life. My job isn,t well paid I work in a nursery, it,s not bad.
I M Mrried with 2 kids, but oh has an illness and cannot work or do much.
Financially stable.
But on the whole happiness is an attiiture. Went to church this morning and the speaker made a comment from the Actor Jim Carey who in the 90,s was one of Americas highest paid actors. Apparently he said everyone should have a go at being rich to see thatit doesn,t bring happiness. ( lets face it Robin Williams had fame, talent, money, but look what happened to him.)

PuppyClub · 19/01/2020 18:33
  • What job do you have?I work part time in a care home doing the laundry and I volunteer in a charity shop.
  • Do you have a partner/DH? I have a partner and we have 9 children between us and 2, soon to be 3, grandchildren. Plus 46 pets!
  • Are you financially very well off?No! Grin
  • Are you in good health? Yes thankfully.