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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask what those of you who are happy with your lives do?

184 replies

Elle7rose · 16/01/2020 18:40

Just that really...

  • What job do you have?
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids?
  • Are you financially very well off?
  • Are you in good health?
  • Or is it just an attitude?
OP posts:
CeibaTree · 16/01/2020 20:31

I am generally a happy person and I think this is mostly down to my parents - especially my dad - instilling an optimistic outlook; even though our family have had some pretty tough times in the last few years. But to answer your questions:

  • What job do you have? I work part time in a museum and part time as an academic
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids? DH of 10 years, 1 DC so far
  • Are you financially very well off? Not especially but we have enough to get by on without having to scrimp too much. But this is largely down to inheritances (and obviously I'd rather still have those people rather than the money)
  • Are you in good health? I've got a stinking cold at the moment and a couple of chronic niggles but I am in general good health as far as I know :)
catsjammies · 16/01/2020 20:32

SAHM to two young children. Financially stable, though I don't have a career to go back to when the children get older so I do worry about the hit of DH having to fund both of us as we get older.

But yes, very happy. DH and I work well as a team, life is pretty great.

howmuchfood · 16/01/2020 20:36
  • What job do you have? - an easy 17.5 hour local government job
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids? - yes, husband. We've been together 8 years and married 4.5
  • Are you financially very well off? Yes, thanks to my husbands well paying job, my well off family and my financial planning. I suppose it's all relative though we still have about half of our mortgage to pay off although we are over paying.
  • Are you in good health? - I'm overweight, seem to suffering secondary infertility and have arthritis in my ankle so my health could be better.
LadyDoc1 · 16/01/2020 20:39

I’m lucky I’m that I love my job in cancer research, I develop new medicines and am responsible for ensuring patients can access them. My territory is 21 countries and I manage a fantastic team.
I’m divorced and my son is in primary school, I’m not loaded but I have managed to work out of very significant debt (50K+) and for once in my life have savings.
Over last 2 years I have been in hospital with pneumonia, spine op with complications involving needing a line in to my heart to give antibiotics and spending Xmas in hospital, been in psych ward for 2 weeks following serious sexual assault and now walk with a stick and have blue badge.
I’d still do it again. Be joyful for everything you have, it can go in a second

Oblomov20 · 16/01/2020 20:40

Totally miserable.

What job do you have? Part time accounts. Adore it.

  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids? Lovely Dh: (he's a diamond) 20 years, 2 teenage ds's.
  • Are you financially very well off? Enough. To manage. Comfortably. Not well off.
  • Are you in good health?
Chronic health condition since birth.
  • Or is it just an attitude?

Can't work out why I'm so miserable. Ds1 is a difficult child.
I keep dreaming of winning the lottery and running away!

ByeMF · 16/01/2020 20:41

The main thing that brings me absolute contentment is leaving an unhappy marriage. Two kids, despite never wanting kids. They mean everything. Absolutely broke but would rather have to budget hard than live with someone who really didn't care about me and is a useless father. Close friends. Mature student.

howmuchfood · 16/01/2020 20:42

@LadyDoc1 you're brilliant. People like you meant that my dad got an amazing 3 years getting to know his grandchildren after he was told his cancer was terminal.

DoloresTheDonkey · 16/01/2020 20:48
  • What job do you have? Management in retail.
  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids? Yes a husband who also works full time and two children, one teen and one at uni.
  • Are you financially very well off? We're very comfortable but not rich in the sense we don't have to consider anything financial.
  • Are you in good health. No neither of us are, both have chronic diseases which we're medicated for.
originalcatlady · 16/01/2020 20:50

What job do you have?
I have my own business as a Childminder. I was a nurse in the NHS for nearly 20 years and it gradually became very soul destroying. I'm so very happy now. I technically work more hours now for the same pay, but the unpaid hours I used to work were ridiculous. Now I'm at home when my kids are and once I've finished, I can relax for the day, not get my laptop out and start again all night like I used to.

Single mum to DD 13, DS 10. Paid 3/4 of the mortgage on a 4 bed, 3 storey house. Holiday abroad every year, eat out regularly, 67 plate car. No savings and little left at the end of the month, but we do pretty much do what we like. Very lucky that we are all very healthy.

But yes, it is just an attitude. To me, I'm well off. To the average person in the country, I'm really not. But I love my house, MH job and my kids and couldn't be happier.

LadyDoc1 · 16/01/2020 21:03

It sounds corny but it’s truly a joy and privilege to be able to touch people’s lives and hopefully give them more time to do what they want and have a quality of life.
I’ve not worked a day in my life!

minipie · 16/01/2020 21:14

Can't work out why I'm so miserable. Ds1 is a difficult child.

Oblomov I have everything, on paper. But am not happy. DD1 is a difficult child. I love her but she grinds me down, she’s so negative and argues or complains about everything. Hard to be happy with a difficult child Flowers

cptartapp · 16/01/2020 21:28

Practice nurse (it's ok but only seven years to go and only work pt)
Happily married
Two healthy bright teenagers
Very comfortably off, lots of holidays etc.
Very lucky in many respects but lost both parents by 44. So swings and roundabouts.

BertieBotts · 16/01/2020 21:31

I'm happy. It's a mixture of things IME.

Job - on maternity leave at the moment, v lucky to have the option of this up to 3 years in the country I'm in. I'm in the second year, will go back at some point this year or at the end of it. When I'm not on ML I teach ESL, which I enjoy, but dislike my employers and some of the management at the school and the commuting (public transport - I can't drive, which is something that gets me down sometimes.)

Family - I have a genuinely fantastic supportive kind husband which I think makes a huge amount of difference to my happiness day to day. Just having someone there who has your back is invaluable. Also a million times better than my previous relationship (DS1's dad) which was emotionally abusive/controlling/generally miserable and shit. Also have an 11yo who I feel I'm failing constantly and worry about a lot but then on other days am hugely proud of and so I have no idea where I am with him any of the time - err bring on adolescence, because I have a feeling it might be a rollercoaster. And a 16mo, who took us years to have and also is in one of my favourite parenting stages ever (1-3 years) so is just adorably hilarious pretty much all of the time and I don't feel lost with him at all because this phase is easy and I feel confident in handling it.

Money - I keep thinking we are well paid although actually having looked at averages, not as well as I thought - I was thinking of a very outdated average figure. German average is higher and we are well below that but still second quartile, I think. But definitely don't feel rich and tend to have to scrape together pennies due to some silly debts which swallow up over 1/3 of our income. However, have recently made a plan to get this down which should help. Money is a stress, but I have this nagging sense that it shouldn't be.

Health - Physically am all good. Have ADHD which I struggle with sometimes, but it's much better managed now than in the past, which makes a big difference. DH worse than me for health with two injuries/longterm health issues but they don't get him down unless they are really flaring up. Or possibly they do but he doesn't mention it.

Attitude - Maybe. I have definitely had some shifts in thinking which have made a huge difference to my mental health/happiness. If I think back to times I felt very low the overriding feeling was being stuck/unable to get out of a situation/that something wasn't changing/that things were out of my control or inaccessible to me. Something that has changed this pattern for me is starting to look at things I'm unhappy about and work out what would need to change for that to improve and then figuring out how to get there and then starting to do it, even if it's baby steps at a time. For example several years ago I had the sense that we would just always be poor. Now we are not poor (not rich, either) and I can see a way towards even more strides in our income in the future e.g. me retraining or working in various areas and it makes me feel less hopeless about it. Also years ago when I was feeling in a very stuck place with DC1 vs now where I am able to look into and investigate ideas I have about how I can best help/support him. Yes this is contributing to a horrible sense of why on Earth did I put up with things as they were and not look into this earlier - but at the same time, better late than never and it is helping.

Things I think that contribute the most to my happiness are support - physical/mental/emotional - I was not happy when I was burnt out because I didn't have this. For me that mainly comes in the form of a partner but I do also have a pretty awesome friendship network locally, and the set up in Germany in terms of childcare is also really, really good so that helps a lot too in terms of reducing some of the childcare burden which is a lot, IME.

Then also connection. I realised recently that I tend to bury myself in what I think of as "online reality" rather than face reality which is a hangover from the old abusive relationship, I think. My mental health and general happiness and sense of wellbeing suffers when I do this too much, because my life now is not something I need to escape from. But because it's a habit it's something I have to be quite conscious about. I feel better when I feel connected with the real world, whether that means making social contact with people or just spending time in my house doing whatever to improve the space or appreciating nature (and I have to admit the area we live is beautiful and this is a huge bonus) or that process I mentioned before of making plans for the future and having that sense that I am in control of my life and I can do things that are hard or even seem impossible.

Lastly there is another feeling I can't really put a name to, probably self worth is the best way to put it - feeling that I am accomplished (or at least competent) at things, that people like me, that I am doing OK/not a failure, and so on. So I prioritise spending time with people who seem to actually like me, and I let old friendships/relationships lapse if they served to drag me down. The same making-progress-however-slow thing helps a lot with this as well. Getting actual help with issues which are bothering/hindering me. I'm a long way off perfect but I'm not aiming for that any more, which helps a lot too.

clunkyinthebackend · 16/01/2020 21:34

I enjoy my job and I look forward to work days. I work in process improvement for a large multi national in IT. I earn 42k plus 8-10k bonus every year for 30 hours part time work. The team are all over the world and 24 x 7 which means flexible, compressed hours and working from home are the norm so I have plenty of time for home life.

Home life - married to a lovely man who makes me laugh everyday, we have a DC and I would have like another but I think it’s not to be. I have both parents, extended family and a couple of groups of friends including 2 “best” friends.

We live in our dream house - 4 bed detached, 4 bathrooms, countryside and have 2 cars, disposable income which should increase as we go through our careers.

We are all heathy at the moment.

I think it is a mindset and life is about playing to your strengths and making the most of what you’ve got. I didn’t go to uni but I’m intelligent and worked my way up in my career.

I’m not technical but I’m an extrovert, smiley, not afraid to take risks and say yes a lot (then figure out the detail later)

Whatever life has thrown at me I’ve just got on with it, I’ve dealt with an eating disorder for most of my adult life and I truly wish I could resolve that but I think it’s something I’ll live with for life.

Drinkciderfromalemon · 16/01/2020 21:42

Divorced, 1 child. Financially a bit rubbish, renting. Health ok.
On paper, I look a bit bleak. However, I'm having a cracking time. My dc is wonderful and a joy to be with, I have great friends. My job is fine and pays the bills. I feel lucky to go on lovely holidays and if everyone's life was thrown in the air, I would catch mine every time.

Yamihere · 16/01/2020 21:44

What job do you have?
Dog trainer

  • Do you have a partner/DH/kids?
No
  • Are you financially very well off?
Definitely not.
  • Are you in good health?
Yes
  • Or is it just an attitude?
I think so. Last year I had 10k in the bank and was quite depressed. Now my savings are gone but I feel so much more happier and confident. The major thing that changed was how I view stressful/upsetting situations.
rumandbiscuits · 16/01/2020 21:45

This is a hard one... I am happy with my life but is anyone ever really always happy? I'm not. I go through really bad periods but it's no reflection on my life just my mind. I also have moments of pure joy and feel like the luckiest person in the world.
I work part time as a support worker for people in housing need. It can be a very fulfilling job when you help someone but also very challenging and sad the state this country's housing situation is atm.
I have toddler who is absolutely gorgeous and lovely but very hard work.
Me and my OH own our house and don't struggle with money but are also very careful with what we spend but we both have money put away for a rainy day if needed.
Touch wood I am in good health apart from ibs which does effect my everyday life but I've had it for 10 years and have learnt to live with it (currently under investigation for inflammatory bowel disease).
I would say I'm on the fence on happiness. Living with my mind can be a battle but a battle that I feel I am currently winning although it is always there lurking in the background if that makes sense.

WeaselsKingHenry · 16/01/2020 21:49

I work for a charity (paid employment not volunteering), half from home which is a massive plus. Married with two kids. Financially comfortable, but not wealthy. Goodish health but I know how valuable that is (I've been very unwell in the past). I also volunteer in community and youth groups. I feel pretty happy, all things considered, and very lucky. I try also to not take it for granted.

carlywurly · 16/01/2020 21:49

Senior management job. Been through a ridiculously stressful time but through the other side and love it, and have absolutely brilliant colleagues. Picked up some professional qualifications along the way which I'm proud of.

Divorced but have a dp who is clever, funny and adores me and the dc.

Lovely home in a good area. Enough money to live well.

Get to travel frequently which makes me happiest.

Could lose a stone or two after taking my eye off the ball but otherwise healthy. I never take that for granted.

DramaAlpaca · 16/01/2020 21:51

I'm fairly happy with life overall.
I'm not going to reveal what job I do, but I enjoy it.
I have a lovely DH and three young adult DC who bring me great joy.
We are financially comfortable.
All of us are healthy.

belleandbete · 16/01/2020 21:51

Love this thread.
I am generally happy though often feel overwhelmed by motherhood/ no sleep/ kids. But then I sit back and look at my life and realise how very . lucky i am.

Work freelance in a creative field that I love and can set my own hours and spend time with DC
DH who I love and who loves me (tho we don't get enough time together) plus three boys- 9, 6 and 2. they are great kids but very very full on when together, hence the exhaustion.
Financially comfortable- not wealthy but enough not to have to worry and to treat ourselves.
Lovely house with a garden in a nice town- not huge but I genuinely love it
Great friends
Good health so far (touch wood)

Mamabear144 · 16/01/2020 21:53

I think it's an attitude.
I'm a full time mammy so I don't work.
Don't have dp or dh (single mammy).
I have 1 ds (nearly 2)
As I don't work I'm not financially well off.
My health is a disaster.

I am generally happy though, I love spending all of my time with ds as he makes me so happy. I love to cook.
We all have our bad days but I feel like I am content and happy with my life for now as I want to enjoy ds while he is young and I know what my plans for the future and career are which will all be fulfilled when the time is right for both ds and myself.

notanotherpothole · 16/01/2020 21:53

Teacher, special needs early years. Husband, 1 child, dog. Very happy with life..

I think it is a state of mine, we battled through years of fertility issues to get where we are now and I appreciate what we have even if my family isn't what I imagined. I work a 4 day week so money just covers us and a holiday.

Blobbyweeble · 16/01/2020 21:57

Full time work as a paramedic

Married 30 years this year.
Reasonably good joint salaries.
3 grown up kids. 2 still living at home saving to buy. All working and happy.
Absolutely loving life, travelling as much as possible.

squaresandsquares · 16/01/2020 21:58

I work part time.as Family support worker. Two children under 7. Both and primary school. Healthy relationship with DP. (not their dad)
Good general health. Bit podgy.
Financially ok, home owner. Could do with more spending money.
Very happy .
However on medication which helps. Was happy before meds but struggled with anxiety, low mood at times. But always felt happy with my lot.

Was unhappy a few years ago In bad relationship