AIBU to ask what those of you who are happy with your lives do?

[Elle7rose]

Just that really...

• What job do you have?
• Do you have a partner/DH/kids?
• Are you financially very well off?
• Are you in good health?

• Or is it just an attitude?

I’m married, one child, and manage a small charity (part-time four days a week). We could do with a bit more money and a slightly bigger house, but I really like my life. My health isn’t great (Crohn’s disease) but it’s been manageable so far. I feel very lucky.

I don’t get my happiness through my job really. I have a good job that most people would want to do but I’ve also had terrible jobs and have been as happy

I’m pretty good at living in the moment and being grateful, finding some fun in everything and developing positive truthful relationships

Also my dog.

I think state of mind has something to with it. I work part time, 50% of that I work from home. It's a well-paid managerial role, and my Head of Dept is ace and very flexible with me. I have a wonderful DH, he's thoughtful and a devoted Dad to our 2 sons. We all have good health, finances are good, we have a gorgeous big house in a rural location which is what we always wanted. We have a thriving village community with good friends that are like family to us. I am very happy with my life, however there are things that aren't easy. I have NO family support, DH is military and is currently working away mon-fri, with 2 long slots overseas in the next 12 months. My parents are both dead, and my ILs are useless. If I chose to focus on those aspects I could be pretty miserable, but I choose to focus on the positive. Yes, I am run ragged in the week but it won't be forever. There are so many good things about my life, I just can't be unhappy about it.

I have gone from unhappiness to happiness recently and what has changed is my job with huge repercussions for everything else in my life.

A few months ago: teacher, husband and children, just about managing for money, in poor health due to stress - bad sleep, put on weight, constantly worrying about work, feeling utterly trapped in a career that was miserable and unfulfilling, always dreading the next day/week/term.

Now, I do what I have always wanted, which is to write for a living. Have the time to spend with my children without panicking about the lessons I still have to plan or strung out from the hassles of the day. I can lose myself in my work and feel so creatively fulfilled. We are considerably better off for money; more so than I dreamed we could be and that has made our lives so much easier. I have time to exercise and the drive to eat well so I’m in far better health.

Changing my job has made every single aspect of my life so much better. Stress is draining and corrosion and infects everything. To have left that behind and to now be in control of my work, passionate about what I do and well rewarded for it has transformed it all.

Nurse work partime and like my job.
Married to a great man who works hard and is on a good salary
2 DCs in final year of college , both going abroad to travel this year
Comfortably financially as mortgage paid.
Happy but concerned re health long term as diagnosed with autoimmune disease after a year of multiple issues .
My cats also help enormously

I love life and am very happy.

I work in a v interesting role in the civil service.
I am childfree by choice.
I have a boyfriend who may move in at some point.
I own my home with manageable mortgage payments.
I'm not rich but comfortable.
I am in excellent health.

Things I did to improve my life from what it was (I wasn't miserable but less happy than now):
Dumped cocklodger XP
Moved closer to family (1 hour rather than 5 away)
Lost 9 stone
Reduced commute considerably
Quit teaching

I am very happy mostly. I am a teacher - which I love. I don’t make myself into a martyr though, I don’t worry the holidays, I don’t get paid for them so that time belongs to me. I also regularly don’t drag loads of work home with me, again, that time belongs to me, although certainly there are times I need to. My lessons are outstanding as id the progress of my children generally.

Married, three beautiful sons, all healthy and happy thank god, although my youngest does have CPAM and will be having his lung removed shortly.

Financially stable certainly. No debt, own our house, bills come to £1800 a month and we bring in about £5,000 combined between us. Wouldn’t say we’re rich but definitely comfortable.

I am physically healthy but I do have OCD which is a real burden. It’s more mild than other sufferers I know but regardless it’s something that has weighed me down for years. Luckily CBT allows me to function near enough normally for the most part, although 2/3 times a year I have almost a break down where my mind gets flooded with panic and I pretty much cannot get out of bed.

I have an amazing family and support system though. I know that if I were to lose my job tomorrow, my parents would pay my mortgage. I know that if I wake up poorly tomorrow, my grandparents will do the school run and look after the baby, I know that if I want a long lie in on Saturday and breakfast in bed, my husband will make that happen, I know that if my husband and I had a blazing row, my sister would be there on the phone within seconds, and round at my house with a bottle of wine within 3 minutes. Family is the reason I am so happy.

I’m retired due to ill health. Married 32 years, child free by choice

Lots of animals and volunteer in animal rescue and other charities

Fortunate to be financially comfortable but in constant pain and with significant mobility problems but I’m used to it after 12 years

I work with teens and families
I have a husband and two adult children
We were financially well off but we are not at the moment.
I'm in good health.

I happy because, I think:
I have my family around me. I am close to my husband and spend a lot of time with him.
I got rid of negative friends, I don't get involved with other people's dramas or toxic gossip.
I look after my mental health as best as I can.
I have a group of good but mixed friends that meet my different needs.

I’m generally happy but life could def be improved still.

What job?
Admin type but I would like to move on, as bored, but have great friends at work so they keep me going. Colleagues are generally easy to deal with too and not too much stress usually.

I have DH and teen children. They are generally good albeit the usual teen dramas. Keeping them on the rails!

Financially we are very comfortable but not wealthy. I don’t watch every penny but we aren’t frivolous. I know we are lucky in that respect.

Good health? I have niggles as getting older - a few ailments that sometimes get me down - but as long there’s nothing sinister afoot I have to be glad for reasonable good health.

Self employed photographer & small business mentor.

No partner/Dh/kids, very much by choice on both counts :)

Not massively well off but comfortable, always nervous about bringing in enough bookings every month but neither me nor my cats are going to starve.

Reasonable health, and my chronic allergies and sinus issues are under control so I can breathe!!

I am ridiculously happy and genuinely can't believe this is my life most days. I miss my Dad who passed away a couple of years ago more than I can articulate, but apart from that I really am happier than I've ever been.

Is it a mindset? Partly - but also recognising the things in your life that are making you unhappy, so you can change them. In my case the stifling rigidity and relentlessness of full time office work means that I much prefer working double the hours, but for myself 😂 took me a while to get my head around recognising I was happier single too, but here I am!

Pretty content.

Living in a place where nature takes centre stage. I can watch the sun rise and set over the sea every day. I walk the hills with the dog when I take breaks from work. I grow things. Make things. I write. (Corporate writing/ghost writing pays the bills).

Financially we are the poorest we have ever been though I suppose. We were financially wealthier when we lived in the south east but miserable. Totally miserable. All that greed and spending everywhere, keeping up with the Joneses etc.

Both children have additional needs, one quite intensely (can’t walk or talk). Our cottage is scruffy as hell.

Totally turning on it’s head the idea of ‘success’ means we are extremely happy and fulfilled.

We live a pretty simple life. We don’t own much. We rarely travel. But what we have right here is beautiful. And that’s enough for a full heart and a happy head.

I don't think it's a 'state of mind' but that's just my opinion. I'm really happy, DH, 1 year old child, I work 4 days a week, short commute and lovely work mates, job can be stressful but they make it bearable. DH works about 12 hours a week, does most of the childcare and is really hands on around the house. We can afford this as he receives a guaranteed income payment after medical discharge from the armed forces. We are not rich but I don't worry about my bills at all and we have left overs for small holidays etc.

I really hope anyone reading this thread and is unhappy does find their happiness soon

I'm happy. I do think it is a state of mind to an extent, but being safe, secure, roof over your head, enough to live on etc etc contributes hugely.

I have a job I adore (not even sure if I'd give it up if I won the lottery, honestly), a DH (who is a good man, as my mother would say, - but I'd change a fair few things about him if I could!), 2 lovely DCs - a boy and a girl who are well mannered, interesting, bright kids and bring me great joy and pride. I have a house that is half paid off but I would like to do a lot to if I could afford it and it's not my ideal home. I have enough money to live on month to month comfortably but not enough savings and I'd like more holidays.

But generally, yes, I'm happy. And lucky.

Job: HR Director
Partner: 30 yrs - love him more as the years pass
DC: 2, 25 and 21 have been v hard work but have turned out ok
Wealth: yes - see note about compromise, DH is a workaholic
Health: yes it's good but has to be well managed with an auto-immune disease and osteoporosis which has led to a badly wedged vertebrae.

It's all about compromise.
Finances: very, very comfortable

I’m retired, live on my own with a cat, financially pretty well off. Travel, theatre, meet friends. Pretty healthy at the moment. Very content with my lot. Enjoyed my nursing career but don’t miss it one bit. Having worked solidly for almost fifty years I felt I’d done my bit and was ready to leave. I love that I can do what I want when I want with no constraints.

I think it’s an attitude.

I have a job I find interesting and fulfilling, with colleagues I like and respect (professional, don’t want to say more than that)
I have excellent health (touch wood)
I have a lovely DP and no kids yet but don’t want any yet. Also a lovely family and lots of friends.
We are relatively well off.

However I’m always anxious or a bit down - not for any reason in particular, I just always seem to focus on negative things! Think it’s just the way my brain is wired!

Meanwhile my aunt has very little money, has worked in the same small shop since she was 16 (she’s now 66!), never married or had kids, only has a couple of good friends and her brother, and doesn’t always have the best of health. However she is probably the happiest person I know. Completely content with her lot. Enjoys her knitting, a couple of tv shows and a glass of wine. That’s all she seems to need!

I currently work 3 nights a week, of my choosing as a care assistant in people's homes. Easily one of the best jobs I've had in terms of flexibility and work home balance.
I have a partner and we have 4 boys between us, 2 each ranging in ages from 12 to 8.
I'm not particularly well off financially. Partner is on a reasonable wage and we manage. I'm trying to pay off debts I accumulated after leaving my exhausting.
Erm yes pretty good health. I'm in the process of coming off antidepressants, I've got back into yoga and healthy eating so not too bad.

In my experience, being happy has come from understanding myself better and making choices that work for me rather than going through life as a tick box exercise based on societal expectations. But it took alot of work to get where I am, lots of tears and mistakes. It feels like I'm finally getting it right at 38 x

So happy and grateful for every day.

Am a teacher in Dublin, earn 70 k ( euro ). LOVE my job. Leave school most days at 2.30pm. Work with the most amazing, hilarious people. Have the best fun in work .

Have a lovely husband and 5 amazing kids.

Am really healthy as of now. I exercise every day and have recently managed to lose the two stone I needed to lose.

Financially well off, husband is a high earner.

Spend all our spare cash on holidays. The 7 of us are off to Austria tomorrow for a luxury ski holiday. Life is for living and we enjoy while we can.

Job - university admin, full-time. Hoping to retire soon.
DP - yes
Kids - 2 adults, though we still support them both financially to some extent
Earn enough to pay the bills and holidays and support DCs. May change when retired though!
Health - excellent.

Am I happy? Not really. My days seem full of low-level frustration at work. I realise I've taken work too seriously over the years, and need to find more things outside work to fill my time and mind, otherwise I waste my own time fretting about work! I've taken up a couple of new hobbies in recent years, but often find I'm too tired in the evenings to really get into them. Hence why retiring seems appealing.

Nurse so not rich and job not as rewarding as it was due to unrealisting pressure and targets.
Divorced 3 years and that cheers me up.
Teenage DD ,surprisingly reasonable.
Down sized big time after divorce but house warm and safe and mortgage paid.That allows me so save a bit for emergencies and dds uni plans.
I am still rebuilding my life but have a plan so content and looking to the future with quiet confidence.
Even through the bad I find the good but that is just the way I am,the glass may be half empty but I know where the rest of the bottle is!

I'm feeling quite happy and content these days.

Mostly SAHM but my DC go to nursery twice a week so I can focus on my real passion - writing.

DH and two DDs. We had them 13 months apart so I found that very overwhelming and was drowning for a couple of years but coming out of the fog now (they're 2 and 3) and I'm finally starting to really enjoy them.

We're not rich but comfortable: Mortgage free, second property, array of cars etc. etc. but it comes at a price i.e DH barely sees the DC from Monday-Friday and works over the weekend too, so personally I would give up some of the material goods for more of his time but now that the DC are out of the baby stage I don't mind as much as I did.

I have a lovely extended family, nice friends and live in an area of outstanding beauty - these things definitely make me happy!

While some people are naturally more optimistic than others, I don't think it's wholly down to attitude. It's hard to be happy when you're stressed be it over relationship issues/finances etc.

A bit off topic but @CaptainBrickbeard How did you start writing for a living?

• What job do you have? A lovely term time only, small commute and well paid (relatively) education role, but not a classroom teacher (I used to be)

• Do you have a partner/DH/kids? Yes both

• Are you financially very well off? Not wealthy but not poor, we have savings and holidays, but we choose to live in a small home and have one small car.

• Are you in good health? I have the potential to become very poorly due to health conditions, but at present very healthy

I think it is part mindset, part luck and part choice.

HarryHarry I realised how miserable teaching was making me and found writing almost therapeutic. I wrote a novel, found an agent and got a book deal. I was very lucky and I’m grateful every day!