To think that people only think newborns are harder because they are new?

[Hugtheduggee]

There are so often posts talking about how 'it gets easier' when babies are older, about how difficult newborns are etc, but I'm starting to think in general (exceptions for poorly children, allergies, colic etc) that this sentiment is more about trying to be empathic, about the learning curve of having a baby etc, than being accurate.

I mean, newborns sleep a lot, have low entertainment demands, eat a single type of food, and can't get upto mischief.

An older baby may well sleep just as badly, but less naps in the day, requires entertaining, wants to kill themselves, tried to get up and falls over loads, and if you turn your back, will be trying to pull up on the bin or something.

And then they start talking back, and having attitude etc (as well as many positive things) as toddlers. And many still don't sleep well, and now don't even nap in the day. And you're often juggling work.

Obviously I don't think we should say to a mum who is struggling with a newborn that it's going to get worse, but that's the reality for a lot of us right? That we might get better at the juggling, and more efficient at multi tasking, and learn to live on less sleep, but in terms of how demanding they get, the newborn bit can be pretty easy comparatively.

(I'm a mum of a toddler who took an hour to go to bed, and woke 4 times in the night, including one long wake up, and an older baby who woke up 3 times, and who works)

I struggle with boredom. Babies are soooooooo boring. Toddlers are at least interesting. And mine didn't sleep for years.

I think it’s more the whole eat, poo, sleep and get no emotion back thing that people find harder.
Its monotonous and lots of babies won’t be put down for long.

I agree. I'm currently finding the teenage years absolutely draining - emotionally, psychologically and physically. I never thought it would be like this.

I look back on the newborn days now and wish they were that simple.

Maybe I'll look back at the teenage years decades from now and think similar?

Yeah I always thought newborn stage was one of the easiest as they sleep so much and you aren't chasing them around the place all the time (obviously that doesn't apply to babies who are sick or generally bad sleepers) but for my two it was one of the easiest times. I found that just-started-walking-but-still-has-a-baby-mind age, kind of between 1-2ish the most energy zapping/mind melting

No I find newborns much harder, establishing bf both times has been torturous with tongue tie. They can't handle any form of wind so scream constantly (mine do have allergies but even once allergens are removed they still have wind issues). Newborns don't do anything so you have to do everything for nothing in return. The first smile and giggle is amazing because finally it starts to make sense and they just get better and better once the newborn bit is over. Toddlerhood is my favourite time because they're talking and learning so much.

Pressed send too soon!
I have a toddler and a 10 week old, and whilst I’m not wishing away the early days, I absolutely prefer them when they’re older.

My first was a bit of a crier and was quite hard at night for the first few months. Cried a lot at night time. Second was the model baby for the first few weeks, I thought I had hit the jackpot and then it all went tits up and I wished he had been as good as my first. He was a demon child and cried non stop until he got UK on his feet at 20 months, still cried a lot though. He is still really hard work and he's 6 now. The oldest was a great toddler and child, he's 11 now and I can't say I'm enjoying the preteen stage. At least they are quite cute until they get to around 7 years old 😂

I've sometimes wondered this too. It is true that we're all a bit scared and bored the first time round. But it's also true that different people find different stages hard. My MIL shocked me when I was a new mum by saying she hated the baby stages, loved it when they were about two and started talking. I found the "terrible twos," well, pretty terrible, but the newborn stage reasonably easy (allowing for general physical recovery and figuring out bf). Some of my friends have been tearing their hair out over their teenagers, but I remember being a teenager and that stage is just making me laugh quietly to myself.

But also, there are kids and kids. Having had three, I'd point out how different they can be. My second DS was "colicky" and screamed nonstop from birth to about 5 months. As in even the nurses in the hospital the first night commented! I swear if my first had been like that I'd never have had another child ... but DS1 was famous in our baby group for never, ever being fussy. As for teenagers, well, mine are stroppy and like to party but have yet to wreck the house or get arrested so maybe I just have had an easy ride?

Not all newborns sleep a lot, if they don't it is really hard. I love newborns - they are super cute and love popping them in a sling and going about life and mine were pretty good for the whole but I dont think it is easy they are so small tiny and cant be amused or distracted. If they dont sleep neither do you. I think different parents / children find different bits hard and none are wrong or right

I'm finding our 2 year old twins easier. I think newborns are unpredictable - you don't know what they want , they can't tell you. And it felt constant. Feeding - changing - trying to get to sleep etc. I'll take a 2 year old any day.

Also, I never understood the question people always ask
"Are you going to work more now they're at school?"
Or even thinking that things will be easier when they're at school.

School days are hectic. Having to drop everything at 2.45pm everyday in order to get to school fit pick up is crazy. What job let's you do that? God help you if your school has no after school club or you have no family nearby to help.

I do prefer toddler stage though. I'm a childminder and I love kids, but I do dread taking on new babies because of the spontaneous crying. I don't mind hard work at all and enjoy looking after them, but crying for no apparent reason has a really nerve wracking affect on me.

My baby is now one and I have to disagree in our case. He’s still sleeping terribly and now we have to chase him round all the time to make sure he’s safe, but I’d still say it’s easier than the early months. Sure, he slept a lot, but only on me, so it was impossible to get much done. Plus there was a couple of hours of witching hour every evening, and cluster feeding, which weren’t fun. All that with major exhaustion and hormones all over the place. I think it does get easier.

I suppose it depends on how easy to care for your newborn is. If you have one that won’t settle, you struggle to establish breastfeeding etc then it’s understandable.
Mine were a breeze and newborn is my favourite stage.
I even enjoyed night feeds (formula) as I could just cuddle them and smell them in the peace and quiet.

Depends on the newborn! Ds1 certainly did not spend most of his time asleep - he was very alert from day 1 and fed every 2 hours on the dot so it was a relentless cycle of feed-wind-nappy change- play- feed with the hope that at some point he'd flake out (which he did sometimes but never for longer than 2 hours). Plus I couldn't put him down or he screamed! Ds2 is much easier. I genuinely thought there was something terribly wrong with him when we got him home because he slept all the time. So, yeah, if you have an easy baby I can definitely see how you wouldn't understand! If I'd had my two the other way round I'd have had a terrible shock.

My three year old is way more difficult than a newborn!

It depends on the newborn. I had a newborn with colic and a newborn who just would not be put down at all, that was beyond hard. It’s an exhausting time even if you have a ‘good’ newborn plus hormones are settling down etc. I would argue it gets easier once they start to wean and also can be left to play for a bit or put in a jumperoo type thing.

They nap lots during the day, yes, but sleep little at night. A 4hr stretch is a victory. My 5mo will at least sleep from 7-4am, which gives me an evening and some restorative sleep.

They need winding, which can take ages and you're quite sure if you're done

They cry for seemingly no reason. An average 8wker will cry for something like 4hrs a day. This is tough when you're knackered. An older baby needs entertaining, yes, but this makes it easier to distract them and stop the tears.

And older ones smile and giggle.

You're not quite sure

Agree it depends on the child but I think it also depends on your birth and recovery - I had forceps was in agony for months which made the 24 hour care a newborn requires extremely difficult.

My toddler is crazy (in a lovely way, but no question he’s full on!) but it’s easier for me because a) I work and get some time to myself and b) he’s a good sleeper in the evenings so I get a couple of hours to relax before bed.

Your situation sounds really tough - sorry you have non-sleepers, you must be exhausted

Gosh I've read a few things on here lately that make me feel like I'm in the minority for really absolutely loving the newborn stage.

I'm due to be induced with my third baby tomorrow and I just can't wait. I think newborns are amazing. They are so tiny and different to any other stage of development, I just cherish it and the atmosphere always feels so special.

I love the stages my other children are too though, I wouldn't want them to be newborns forever. But there is something very special about tiny babies and I have never found their short lived lack of visible emotional reciprocation a downer at all.

I do agree I think it is more their complete dependence that makes them seem more difficult, but in reality it's much more draining having my 2 year old going through a naughty phase than it is cuddling a crying newborn.

I think they get easier as they get older with the possible exception of around 10 years old when there's a window of them being lovely before they turn into tweens. But I think I had an easy ride too, very easy baby in terms of sleeping and being able to take him anywhere (although he was sick all the time, which was a bit wearing). He wasn't a very difficult toddler though I'd say that was probably my least favourite time because they're not babies but they're not "proper" children yet and are quite demanding and need constant watching. But he wasn't the sort of child who tried to climb everywhere and we didn't need locks on cupboards or even a stair gate.

Once he went to school he had his moments of annoying teachers and childminders, and he's had his moody moments as a teen, but really nothing really major. I guess it could still come but as a friend said to me the other day, if he decides to go through the difficult teen phase once he's 21 it won't matter because he won't be living at home, he'll be at uni (and can stay there).

Oh I so agree. Currently trying to drink in every moment of my 12 week old because I know she won’t be this easy in a years time.

Newborns are only difficult imo because of the night feeds which make you tired. Otherwise, they are a doddle. They stay where you put them, don't answer back and don't make a mess.
Personally I found the toddler stage much harder.