To think that people only think newborns are harder because they are new?

[Hugtheduggee]

There are so often posts talking about how 'it gets easier' when babies are older, about how difficult newborns are etc, but I'm starting to think in general (exceptions for poorly children, allergies, colic etc) that this sentiment is more about trying to be empathic, about the learning curve of having a baby etc, than being accurate.

I mean, newborns sleep a lot, have low entertainment demands, eat a single type of food, and can't get upto mischief.

An older baby may well sleep just as badly, but less naps in the day, requires entertaining, wants to kill themselves, tried to get up and falls over loads, and if you turn your back, will be trying to pull up on the bin or something.

And then they start talking back, and having attitude etc (as well as many positive things) as toddlers. And many still don't sleep well, and now don't even nap in the day. And you're often juggling work.

Obviously I don't think we should say to a mum who is struggling with a newborn that it's going to get worse, but that's the reality for a lot of us right? That we might get better at the juggling, and more efficient at multi tasking, and learn to live on less sleep, but in terms of how demanding they get, the newborn bit can be pretty easy comparatively.

(I'm a mum of a toddler who took an hour to go to bed, and woke 4 times in the night, including one long wake up, and an older baby who woke up 3 times, and who works)

I would swap my 18 month old for her newborn version with colic right now.. I am tired beyond anything I've ever experienced. She doesn't sleep and she doesn't stop.

I think it does partly depend on the baby. Some people do have very difficult newborns, such as CMPA babies, reflux babies, etc. I personally found the newborn period pretty easy, our only issue being getting BF established, which we did eventually do. But she slept loads, only ever cried when she was hungry, and slept well overnight. I could also take her anywhere and she just slept.

She's one now and she's still 'an easy baby' but it does require more of me in a day because she's mobile now and only naps for 1.5 hours so there's a lot of time to fill.

When I only had one dc 0-1 was definitely the easiest. I just slept whenever he did and held him all the time because he had reflux. He had a late pattern so we went to bed at 11-midnight then had 3 dream feeds and woke at 10am. DH went to work and didn't disturb us on his way out! I could have done that with the other 2 dc as well - only trouble was then there was a 2yo or a 2 and 4yo who didn't nap or sleep well at night to ruin the lovely newborn stage.

The worst ages for all of mine so far has been 3-5. I will be in 3-5 hell for 6 straight years. It ruins the nice ages of the others too because no matter what you do someone is always being a dick.

Agree with you OP and it's not rose tinted glasses as I thought that at the time. Personally I don't mind that they can't interact, in fact I like that as there are no emotional or entertainment demands on you. You can just go about your life normally and enjoy their cuteness.

In comparison I find toddlers so demanding. Literally everything is a struggle. Wake up - fights nappy change. Cries over breakfast, throws food on ground. Reading time - won't listen, rips book. Go to park - screams and fights getting in to car seat, get to park immediately run away towards road, won't wear hat, scream and fight getting back in to car seat. Painting time - throws brush on ground, eats paint, cries. I look at clock. It's only 10 am.

It just depends where your own strengths and weaknesses lie. I don’t do well on barely any sleep and I’m anxious about something that I love immeasurably and I am responsible for only being able to communicate it’s needs to me by crying, which happens to make me feel a bit sick and my boobs hurt. I spent the baby years feeling like I was just on edge all the time, waiting for the next cry. On the other hand, I love a robust discussion (or argument you might call it 😁) I enjoy questions, answering the ones I know and finding out for the ones I don’t. I like sharing my interests and learning new ones through theirs. I enjoy it when they learn another life skill. I like that they can tell me if something is wrong and I can sort it out or help them fix it. They answer back and don’t do their homework and I have to ask them to put their shoes on a million times a day but I find them way easier now than when they were babies.

Also, most people didn’t tell me it got easier, they said “this is the easy bit, wait until you’ve got an (insert age) year old”. Which wasn’t that helpful.

I think it felt harder when DS was a newborn because neither him nor I were in the best of health. I was recovering from major surgery/blood loss and what with establishing breastfeeding it really took it out of me, I looked like a ghost for about a month and was just so sleep deprived that it was a case of survival only. I think also for new parents it is completely overwhelming when you realise that no matter what you're dealing with that day you're completely responsible for a tiny person! Nothing can really prepare you for it. So I think the actual challenges as your child gets older are greater (particularly as you get into the toddler years!) but you are correspondingly more experienced as a parent so it feels easier, plus an older child is just more fun and interesting.

In comparison I find toddlers so demanding. Literally everything is a struggle. Wake up - fights nappy change. Cries over breakfast, throws food on ground. Reading time - won't listen, rips book. Go to park - screams and fights getting in to car seat, get to park immediately run away towards road, won't wear hat, scream and fight getting back in to car seat. Painting time - throws brush on ground, eats paint, cries. I look at clock. It's only 10 am.

Blimey - if I'd had toddlers like that I think I'd look back on the newborn months fondly too. I spent most of the toddler years going on about my life normally enjoying their cuteness.

I thought my first newborn was really hard, until I had my second when DC1 was 2yo. Then my newborn seemed like an absolute doddle. She slept all the time, didn’t need entertaining, could of just sat on the sofa all day!

I think what was difficult with DD1 was the loneliness, long days of just feed, change, sleep, repeat. It’s exhausting really, especially with your first when you’ve only ever been used to looking after numero uno.

Still not sure how I’m surviving with an argumentative 2 1/2 yo & a 7mo now 🤪

Take me back to one new born & I wouldn’t complain, I promise!

Newborn sleep a lot

Hahahahahaha. Not all newborns

Yes I’m with you. I found the newborn stage a breeze compared to toddler stage.

My baby was up several times a night but slept loads during the day too. They stay in one place, are so light and portable, no screaming tantrums, no mischief etc

Newborn sleep a lot aye mine both slept tons upright on me. Which in turn meant I go no sleep or rest.

I had crap sleepers up till age 2/3, getting woken up every couple of hours for years was brutal. I'd take a child who goes to sleep and stays asleep over any newborn going. Yes, days can be full on, but then they go to sleep and there is blessed quiet.

Newborn sleep a lot aye mine both slept tons upright on me. Which in turn meant I go no sleep or rest

I was the opposite. It meant I got loads of rest with ds1. I just sat on my arse on MN or dozing most of the day and night. I had the perfect excuse to sit down for hours. With dc2&3 tho it meant they had to sleep in the sling while I entertained toddlers.