To think that people only think newborns are harder because they are new?

[Hugtheduggee]

There are so often posts talking about how 'it gets easier' when babies are older, about how difficult newborns are etc, but I'm starting to think in general (exceptions for poorly children, allergies, colic etc) that this sentiment is more about trying to be empathic, about the learning curve of having a baby etc, than being accurate.

I mean, newborns sleep a lot, have low entertainment demands, eat a single type of food, and can't get upto mischief.

An older baby may well sleep just as badly, but less naps in the day, requires entertaining, wants to kill themselves, tried to get up and falls over loads, and if you turn your back, will be trying to pull up on the bin or something.

And then they start talking back, and having attitude etc (as well as many positive things) as toddlers. And many still don't sleep well, and now don't even nap in the day. And you're often juggling work.

Obviously I don't think we should say to a mum who is struggling with a newborn that it's going to get worse, but that's the reality for a lot of us right? That we might get better at the juggling, and more efficient at multi tasking, and learn to live on less sleep, but in terms of how demanding they get, the newborn bit can be pretty easy comparatively.

(I'm a mum of a toddler who took an hour to go to bed, and woke 4 times in the night, including one long wake up, and an older baby who woke up 3 times, and who works)

I mean, newborns sleep a lot well, no, not after the first few days. And that is why many people find it so hard - being woken 2-3 times in the night, never having more than 2 hours unbroken sleep, having to choose between a screaming baby or going to the toilet with a baby on one arm.

If you're lucky enough to have a baby who sleeps a lot, and is happy and gurgly most of the rest of the time, then, yes, you will find the newborn stage relatively easy and other parts of childhood relatively hard. But that doesn't make "newborns are relatively easy" into a truth that holds for everyone.

I find newborns really hard. Mine were criers, and required endless "bouncing", wouldn't be put down, would scream, and cry, and puke, and scream some more. Once they could sit up by themselves, and be awake for more than 5 mins without being miserable, things did seem easier, yes, I guess harder in the sense I had to entertain them I guess, but I'd rather sit playing peekabo with a giggly 5 month old, then spend hours sssshhing and walking up and down with a miserable newborn. Then they learn to crawl, and yes, you need to babyproof, and watch them a little closer once they're mobile, but it's easier in the sense that you can chuck them a wooden spoon and a saucepan and they're happy as Larry for half an hour. Then they learn to walk and talk, and tantrums ensue, but it's still easier in my eyes and far more rewarding, than listening to endless crying and the on edge feeling I used to get when mine would wake from a nap, and instantly start crying. Mine are now both in school, and so far for me the newborn stage was by far the worst stage. I've been warned the teenage stage is far worse, so trying to enjoy the years I have left before I get to experience that joy.

Did anyone post this yet?

A newborn is so hard because many people are recovering from birth and are getting very little sleep/very little sleep in big chunks. Yes, an older baby can be more challenging, but if you are breastfeeding that is usually well established by then and you are getting more sleep.

My kids are grown, but if I have insomnia and miss two hours sleep I'm wrecked at work the next day. With a newborn you may be missing much more sleep than two hours while learning a completely new skill and a change of work environment and social isolation. Also many women feel a crushing sense of responsibility once they are home and solely responsible for a helpless human for 8 or more hours a day (or 24hrs if you are a single mum).

Any new job is exhausting when you first start. If you suddenly became your mum's caretaker you would be tired and worn out with all the new routines. If she woke up six times in one night every night and needed help you would probably be beyond tired.

I dont know, I found the newborn stage hard because -

They wouldn't sleep anywhere else but on me. They wouldnt be put down when awake either. You can sleep train an older baby or toddler but can't sleep train a newborn or leave them to cry for long

I was breastfeeding and the emotional pressure of being the only person that can feed your baby really got to me. As they got older and into a routine I could at least pop out for a while but newborn stage they have to be with you at all times

To not know why they were crying. Mine went through the witching hour from early evening about 6 til 10pmish and were screaming when they weren't feeding or being walked round the room on our shoulders. The trying to work out what was wrong was tortuous. At least with a toddler you know what's wrong (even if its because their breadstick has broken when they bit it or the cup isn't the right colour).

Newborns just arent much fun and don't give that much back. No conversations, no laughing, no smiles for a few weeks, no activity they can just amuse themselves with for 10 min. It's just relentless.

I think if I'd not breastfed it might have been a bit less intense but I definitely prefer the toddling stage. And when you prefer something, it seems easier

I do think the "type" of baby changes this hugely. I don't find other people's babies hard work, but that's because they seem far more chilled than mine, and the crying of other people's babies doesn't bother me, I can basically ignore the sound. With mine, it was the the most horrendous sound in the world, it would make my heart race, and I'd become very panicked, agitated and upset. High needs babies are real, and bloody exhausting

I can cope with most scenarios with a good nights sleep. Broken sleep is torture to me- and I have a very active toddler who exhausts me and loves to
say “No” to everything- I also have dealings with a very moody teenage nephew- all awful in their own way. But with sleep I can just about keep it together ! YABU

I could juggle 2 or 3 newborns to my 6yr old ds. I wish I was joking

Ds had raging reflux until he was 2 aswell and screamed day and night for the first 2 years so he wasn't a particularly easy baby but he was still much easier than he is now...

At least I could put him in one place and him still be there.

I think it's personal. Fiancé is finding 17 month old ds harder now than newborn stage because he struggles to keep up with him. To me on the other hand, newborn stage was so tough and the age ds is at now is a breeze in comparison.

My newborn ds - establishing bf, sleepless nights, finding our feet, post partum recovery.

Now - yes he needs entertainment more and naps less but he sleeps all night and mainly eats what we eat.

I much prefer now but of course everyone is different and I'm sure I'll change my mind once he turns 2 before anyone starts pointing that out!

With the exception of the first few weeks especially if trying to bf im in agreement. The early months are the best! You can still go out to restaurants ect(in my experience obvs) once their on the move its tough. My eldest is only 3½ but ive found now he can communicate properly, understands rules ect life is getting a bit easier unfortunately ive also got an 8mth old so the FUN is about to start again lol

I get that it's down to how different babies are to an extent.

But people are presuming still that tiny baby = worse sleep than an older baby or toddler. At 1m old, my baby woke every 2-3 hours for milk. At 10m, my baby still wakes every 2-3 hours for milk. Sometimes baby takes 2-3 hours to go back to sleep. She couldn't even stay awake that long when tiny, lol.

I know a lot of people whose toddlers are still waking as much as they did in the newborn days. But after a few years of it, you get more used to it.

Obviously some people have toddlers that go to bed easily, stay in bed and don't get up at the crack of dawn, but in my circle of friends those are as much unicorn toddlers as the unicorns babies who slept through from 6w.

Actually I'm sat here with unbrushed hair and teeth, after rushing about with both of mine before going to work (I work alone thankfully, lol).

Yes - I had 3 under 6 when I went back to work full time, and DH worked away a lot. I got them all up, to various locations, and got myself to work (unfortunately it had to be with hair and teeth brushed), ready for the day.

I'd sit at my desk feeling like I'd fought a full-blown war before 8.30am.

One morning I was perusing the company news on the intranet while sipping the coffee I'd picked up in the canteen on the way to my desk. Someone had written an article about being more efficient at work, and had suggested that people make their own coffee and bring it to work, rather than buying it in the canteen, because it would give them 5-10 minutes more work time.

No, that person did not have small children...

Sometimes baby takes 2-3 hours to go back to sleep. She couldn't even stay awake that long when tiny, lol

Oh to have a newborn who couldn't stay awake 2-3 hours.

My baby slept a lot as a newborn and wasn't colicky or refluxy - I would say toddler sleep has been worse for us but I really don't think that's everyone's experience!

@Watermelontea this is what I found hard. Exactly this. Apart from that quite chilled
.

I have 3 kids and find newborns easy. My eldest who is nearly 8 is harder work than my toddler and 6 month old put together. I have a lot of friends who say kids get harder as they get older as although physically generally they need less care as in they don’t need nappy changes etc emotionally they harder work plus are influenced in school etc.

My son is 10 months and I found it sooo hard 0-4 months, I absolutely hated it if I am honest but now I find it easier. I never want a newborn again!
It's hard still, I won't lie but he is a little person now and we're friends and have fun so I find it easier. He is teething and will often wake up overnight but has started sleeping through some nights so I am grateful for that!

God I hated the newborn stage. I had a hard new born and an easy new born but hated it equally. Toddlers are fun. They gave tantrums but it's nothing compared to the screaming of a newborn that nothing will soothe or the constant fear you're going to kill them COs they're too hot, not gaining weight, you've used the wrong blanket or the other million things that aren't a risk to bigger children.

I get cold chills when I see a newborn!

I think all ages are difficult in different ways.

But personally, the sleep deprivation involved with the newborn stage was an absolutely torturous for me.
Even if you get a newborn who’s a good sleeper, you’ve got broken nights for a few months. And that’s worse if you’ve got older children to care for.

So IMO the newborn stage is one of the hardest purely because of the inevitable sleep deprivation (although I agree that the rest of it’s fine, once feeding is established).

No, my newborn was harder work than my three year old, by far.

Obviously some people have toddlers that go to bed easily, stay in bed and don't get up at the crack of dawn, but in my circle of friends those are as much unicorn toddlers as the unicorns babies who slept through from 6w.

Really? DD isn’t really a toddler now but since she was about two she has rarely woken at night, gone to bed without complaint at the right time and woken around 7am. Unicorn?

thejollyroger, yep! Unicorn toddlers.

I'm glad you have one, they do exist, just like people with newborns that sleep through exist.
I think people assume that everyone's toddlers are sleeping well, but when you start talking to people, it's actually still pretty rubbish for a lot of us.

Well, she might be a unicorn now, but she certainly wasn’t when she was born. She had horns, but she was no unicorn...

I'm sorry you're having a tough time OP, however I think this thread is going to be flooded with posters telling you how tough they found having a newborn and that their toddlers are much easier (that's how these threads usually go!)

It's similar to the 'My newborn was so difficult I found maternity leave awful and loads more stressful than work' vs 'I loved being at home, looking after a baby was a million times easier than work they just sleep, eat, and poop' thread that rears its head on here from time to time.

It usually ends up with posters arguing about who is 'right' while spectacularly missing the point that every single person's experience (and all the other factors that feed into that e.g. anxiety, family help, birth injuries etc) is different, so while its fine to say 'this is how it was for me', making sweeping statements like 'newborns are easy' often doesn't go down very well.

I hope you get more sleep tonight!

Give me a newborn over my pre teen any day.

It's this exact attitude that newborn are so easy, how can anyone struggle that means that many don't attend parents and baby meetings and isolate themselves. Of course, the ones most likely to go are the ones whose babies are little angels!

I remember trying to go as I was new in town and was desperate to meet new friends. It was an absolute dread to go as baby cried all the time, cried when I dressed her, cried on the way, then cried within 2 minutes of being there, and whilst the mums enjoyed sharing tales of how wonderful life was whilst their baby either sat peacefully on their lap or slept the entire time in their pushchair, I couldn't even start a conversation from trying to manage.

I was made to feel incompetent and inadequate, that my baby cried because of my stress, I felt ugly and unkempt, and couldn't stand any longer their look of pity. I stopped going after a handful of times.

It was another matter when I got to meet these same mums at nursery, and they looked 10 years older, moaning about the tantrums, how their toddler never listened, got into anything, and screamed every night for hours before bed. I was lucky that I had none of these trouble, but I remembered how isolated I felt then and how the last thing you want to hear is how other children are so much easier.