To think that people only think newborns are harder because they are new?

[Hugtheduggee]

There are so often posts talking about how 'it gets easier' when babies are older, about how difficult newborns are etc, but I'm starting to think in general (exceptions for poorly children, allergies, colic etc) that this sentiment is more about trying to be empathic, about the learning curve of having a baby etc, than being accurate.

I mean, newborns sleep a lot, have low entertainment demands, eat a single type of food, and can't get upto mischief.

An older baby may well sleep just as badly, but less naps in the day, requires entertaining, wants to kill themselves, tried to get up and falls over loads, and if you turn your back, will be trying to pull up on the bin or something.

And then they start talking back, and having attitude etc (as well as many positive things) as toddlers. And many still don't sleep well, and now don't even nap in the day. And you're often juggling work.

Obviously I don't think we should say to a mum who is struggling with a newborn that it's going to get worse, but that's the reality for a lot of us right? That we might get better at the juggling, and more efficient at multi tasking, and learn to live on less sleep, but in terms of how demanding they get, the newborn bit can be pretty easy comparatively.

(I'm a mum of a toddler who took an hour to go to bed, and woke 4 times in the night, including one long wake up, and an older baby who woke up 3 times, and who works)

(when I say sick all the time, I mean bringing up milk and food all the time, rather than being ill)

Also sorry if my post was insensitive, it is still difficult i remember crying when my son was a few weeks old because he had a period of awful regurgitation/posseting and I was just so so fed up of being damp and covered in smelly milk sick.

And absolutely I can imagine if you have had a difficult birth or recovery, then the future stages when you are more healed physically and mentally will probably seem much easier. It all comes down to individual personality and experience, of both the baby and mother.

Nah. Newborns actually are really hard. That's why we expect parents of babies to be unkempt, knackered, and unable to have much of a life outside the home.

Parents of children who 'talk back' have at least managed to brush their teeth, go to work, buy themselves shoes etc.

I don't see any campaign to move maternity leave away from new parents and give it to those with school aged children.

Actually one thing I loved about newborn stage was being able to sit and watch boxsets while I fed - now my tv is restricted to Thomas the Tank and such like!

Both my kids were much harder as new born 5han they were as toddlers. They all come with their own personalities and traits that makes them as different then as they will be as adults.

You mention colic, illness etc...a lot of babies fall in that category.

Plus newborns can feel quite joyless. They poo constantly, cry a lot and want feeding every two hours night or day. If you breastfeed they can just feed for hours straight with no let up. Some puke a lot too and they don’t smile for the first 6-8 weeks so it makes it feel like they’re torturing you at times.

SayFriday

There's a difference between a post where someone is clearly after support, and a general debate/discussion post. Saying that it'll get much harder in a support post would be dickish and cruel, but just doesn't mean it can't ever be discussed.

Its like childbirth posts - there are ones where childbirth stories and comparisons of interventions and tears are rife, but if it's a post where someone is terrified and wants to know it'll be ok, people are more restrained.

I agree. I had c sections, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when pregnant, had two within 20 months in my 40s, my second had bad reflux and cried for three months, but newborns are an absolute doddle compared to later! To parents of newborns (and toddlers) all I can say is: You. Have. No. Idea.

I had a lovely easy birth but my DS was A DEMON for the first six months. He's been lovely ever since and genuinely so much easier now at almost three. There's still a long time to go though!

MorrisZapp

Actually I'm sat here with unbrushed hair and teeth, after rushing about with both of mine before going to work (I work alone thankfully, lol).

The few weeks after my babies were born, I had properly straightened hair, makeup, the lot. Especially my first, I'd stay up watching dvds whilst they snoozed, and style my hair out of boredom. And those were the only times I've seen the bottom of the laundry basket on a regular basis.

I guess we are all different.

I struggle with boredom. Babies are soooooooo boring.

I could stare at newborns faces forever, they make the strangest expressions. And that new baby smell (not the shitty nappy smell haha)

I realised with my second that I didn’t really enjoy the newborn phase. My second is now 10 months and far more fun. I can’t deal with no sleep and having no clue why they’re crying. Even at the stage we are now (where the baby seems to want to kill herself most hours) I’m getting more interaction and it’s just more rewarding. She’s eating well and I don’t have to stop everything to feed every few hours. When they’re toddlers they are often ratbags but also lovely and you can recharge when they nap.

I get how teenagers can be emotionally draining but I can’t see how they could be physically draining.

I think YABU. I've never had a newborn, but did get 2 at once, aged 8 and 2. Although it was a massive shock to the system I didn't have the level of broken nights parents of newborns have, neither did I have the hormones swashing around my body, nor recovering from childbirth, nor the strains of breastfeeding.

I found my first one incredibly hard as a newborn. Never slept, had to be held all the time or would scream, endless hours of screaming all evening every evening no matter what we did, hated the pram, hated the car seat, hated all forms of cots, just seemed to hate being a baby. I felt so useless. With that one it really did get better at the crawling weaning needs-entertaining stage.

Next baby was an absolute doddle as a newborn. Totally different experience.

I think with children when one aspect gets easier, something else gets harder. There's challenges at every point. I've got 2 of my own and a stepson, they're 12, 7 and 18 months and each have their challenges. I'm just learning to take the rough with the smooth and trying not to wish their lives away. My 18 month old is my last so I'm making the most of her little ways, even though she is a right handful at times!

I agree with OP, they're easy when they're this age. You can put them down and they stay there!!

DC1 had colic, never slept, and would scream incessantly unless held. She’s much much easier at 4 than as a newborn I can assure you!

The few weeks after my babies were born, I had properly straightened hair, makeup, the lot. Especially my first

Same!

My child woke up at hourly intervals through the nigh for the first 3 months. I was dizzy and breathless from lack of sleep. Everything is easier to manage once you get 6 hours sleep a night...

Also, your body is also recovering from labour in the early weeks. I was incontinent and anaemic due to a post-part um haemorrhage.

“Babies sleep a lot” you haven’t met mine OP, no sleep for 2 years

@Milicentbystander72 I’m with you in agreement on how draining teens are. My DS is 15 and I’m exhausted in every single way and wish he was a tantrumming two year old again

I understand what you’re saying but for me nothing can be as hard as those first 8 weeks with a baby. Worst 8 weeks of my life.

Ds2 was pretty easy as a newborn, eat, awake for 30mins, sleep 3hrs, eat, repeat. We pretty much popped him in a corner for the first 6 months of his life.
Ds2 was a nightmare baby, only ever slept in 20min/1hr chunks, wanted to breastfeed all the time. I was told this was cluster feeding and normal but with experience and hindsight it wasn't. He probably had silent reflux or indigestion but hv and GP didn't care.
Both dc were very easy toddlers.
Its different for all but what got me mad were the mums complaining how tired they were despite dc sleeping through.

Let's see.

Newborn baby screamed for approx 18 hours a day.
Would not breastfeed for the first week.
Then would breastfeed, constantly, on my sore nipples, and refused bottles.
I had a tear that didn't heal properly so was constantly sore.
Got approx 2 hours sleep per night.
Baby had to be carried a lot which was agony on my sore post-birth back.

Second baby had allergies and I had had a PPH.
Third baby cried every. single. evening. right when I was trying to deal with making dinner and looking after two others. And I got mastitis.

Now I have teens who feed themselves (and me), get themselves from A to B, fetch things for me, make me laugh a lot, and we all sleep at least 8 hours a night.

I know which I prefer.

I wonder what people would say if I started a thread titled "To think that people only think teens are harder because they aren't used to having teens"?