To think that people only think newborns are harder because they are new?

[Hugtheduggee]

There are so often posts talking about how 'it gets easier' when babies are older, about how difficult newborns are etc, but I'm starting to think in general (exceptions for poorly children, allergies, colic etc) that this sentiment is more about trying to be empathic, about the learning curve of having a baby etc, than being accurate.

I mean, newborns sleep a lot, have low entertainment demands, eat a single type of food, and can't get upto mischief.

An older baby may well sleep just as badly, but less naps in the day, requires entertaining, wants to kill themselves, tried to get up and falls over loads, and if you turn your back, will be trying to pull up on the bin or something.

And then they start talking back, and having attitude etc (as well as many positive things) as toddlers. And many still don't sleep well, and now don't even nap in the day. And you're often juggling work.

Obviously I don't think we should say to a mum who is struggling with a newborn that it's going to get worse, but that's the reality for a lot of us right? That we might get better at the juggling, and more efficient at multi tasking, and learn to live on less sleep, but in terms of how demanding they get, the newborn bit can be pretty easy comparatively.

(I'm a mum of a toddler who took an hour to go to bed, and woke 4 times in the night, including one long wake up, and an older baby who woke up 3 times, and who works)

When maternal feelings wake up after the birth of a child, you love him with all your heart and with every part of your soul. Love just like that, just because it is your piece. Yes, each period in a child’s life can be difficult, but in each period there is always something that makes you love this little miracle immeasurably every second of your life.

I actually think people forget just how hard that newborn stage is. Honestly if you didn't forget you'd never have another one.

The sleepless nights, constantly changing them, feeds, bum again, feed.
Hes settled: do I make toast, coffee or visit loo? I would never get to do all 3! I bought a travel mug as if I got to make coffee, I'd be lucky to actually drink it warm.

Disagree. Admittedly I don't have a teenager yet but my almost 3 year old is so funny and engaging, it's not always easy but every day there is at least one moment that really makes me smile. Newborns are boring, exhausting and relentless. And when he's crying/tantrumming at least I understand why, there is nothing more soul destroying than a newborn that will not stop screaming for seemingly no reason.

For the record I had a horrendous time with my - long-awaited, much wanted - newborn DD. A week in SCBU, EMCS delivery, feeding issues caused by undiagnosed tongue tie, colic, hip joint issues requiring a harness - you name it she had it.

I had awful postnatal anxiety - bordering on PND - and I struggle to look at photos of DD when she was tiny as it takes me right back to that time.

Although she's a happy, healthy 14 month-old now, I'd trade some sleep for having had less stress during her first 3 months in a heartbeat xx

Hes settled: do I make toast, coffee or visit loo

Take coffee to loo and pray?

I found the newborn stage a breeze but mines were good sleepers I feel that makes all the difference

I think newborn stage is the easiest. I have a 5.5yr old and 2yr old and they are so much harder! For different reasons. My 5yr old is defiant, back answers and cheeky, I have to ask him a million times to do anything.. I find him mega hard. My 2yr old is defiant, independent, doesn’t sleep well at all, demanding and generally exhausting. As newborns they had intolerances, fed throughout the night, napped short but frequent, however I could watch tv without shouting or running around, could sit in a coffee shop without chasing a toddler...

Depends both on the newborn and the child.

A newborn is very all consuming (at least I found them so) and that’s hard if you’re someone who values alone time.

Tbh, I'm not actually having a tough time with sleep. For my second, I'm just taking the view that enjoy any sleep I get, but don't assume it'll be good for a few years. And that's ok. Mostly anyway.

One day they will sleep and in the meantime, the cuddles are nice.

Its not so much that toddlers are awful either, just thst I personally never found them tricky, whereas I find them trickier later.

I can appreciate that others feel the opposite.

And to add, my firstborn was born with meningitis and in NNU for 11 days plus sailor hospital trips for antibiotics unTIL 3weeks, feeding issues, tongue tie and woke every 45mins until he was 11months. I had PND and really struggled.

Second born slept okay until 12weeks, feeding was fine after 2weeks, didn’t get PND. But had an angry 3yr old added into the mix.

For me, newborn stage still easiest

I found the newborn bit hardest just because he was so tiny and I had so much anxiety about SIDS, whether he was feeding ok, getting him to nap/sleep, crying etc. I was physically wrecked from pregnancy and birth: overweight, sweaty, hormonal and sore with constantly painful leaking boobs. Long night feeds and changes. Couldn’t leave him for long as EBF so atruggled to have any time for myself.

I don’t think newborn phase is easier, I think it’s just such a blur that we forget afterwards how hard it was. My toddler is much easier in comparison .

I think in the very early weeks it’s very psychologically difficult- your hormones are all over, you’re not sleeping, a baby’s cry is basically designed to drive you nuts, there’s so much pressure on things like breastfeeding. I remember violently startling awake, heart racing, feeling like something terrible was going to happen to my baby.

If you think newborns are easy, it’s because you had an easy baby. Get one that screams every second she is not being held. Get one that barely sleeps after hours of walking her around and then refuses to stay asleep unless touching you. Go weeks without ever sleeping more than 45 minutes straight.

I always want to scream when I see people so blasé about the newborn stage. Sure you can go to a wedding at 3 weeks old. The baby will just sleep the day away in a sling. Oh newborns are easy, they just sleep and occasionally wake up to eat.

No, newborns are not easy. You have just been lucky enough to have gotten one of the rare easy ones.

I have a newborn and raised toddlers too. The newborn stage is definitely worse because if they’re crying ultimately you don’t know what they want or need you can only guess. Whereas with toddlers they can communicate what they need in some way, shape or form. Also, I doubt many parents of healthy toddlers have to deal with a minimum of 3 hours of non-stop screaming if they forget to burp them like my DC had recently.

Also need to point out that biologically we are programmed to forget the difficulties with the newborn stage so I don’t believe anyone who says toddlerdom is worse.

I always want to scream when I see people so blasé about the newborn stage

“Just sleep when the baby sleeps!” So that’ll be when I’m walking round the block 14 times with the baby in a sling then?

Just sleep when the baby sleeps!

I think some babies are very easy and some parents coped better with some stages than others.

I have 3DC, the middle one was a delightful baby, very easy going and slept tons. The other two not so much but they were lovely toddlers whereas the middle one was horrendous when teething. Think toddlers are a fun stage though because they are learning so much and their personalities are developing but you still have to do a lot of care for them. Mine are 7-12 now and this stage is so much easier. They can do all their personal care themselves (no more wiping bums, yah!), they are reasonably reasonable, they like watching interesting programmes rather than ITNG (we still love Duggee though), the older two go to clubs after school and walk home by themselves, they like travelling and experiencing new cultures.

The lack of personal care they require is the biggest thing. The clearest indication for me is that when they were little I wouldn't have left them with MIL to care for them because it would have been too tiring for her in her but now they are older it's fine to leave them with her even though she's older because they just need someone in the house, they entertain themselves and can help themselves to snacks etc. And DD1 is sensible enough that if anything happened to MIL she could go and speak to a neighbour or call me or DH.

It completely depends on the type of baby you have. My newborn slept for 20 hours a day. Never woke me in the night and was equally happy being cuddled or left on her own.

I had a horrendous birth so was quite happy to rest and recover with my snoozy baby. I wasn't bored or tired. I was in a very happy bubble after waiting many years to have my miracle baby.

Everyone's experience is different. I loved learning how to look after my baby and would happily do it all again tomorrow.

Maybe because I knew she was the only baby I was ever going to have made me cherish every moment.

The newborn stage was awful for me. My baby cried or screamed all the time for the first 3/4 months. After that it got so much better. He is much more content and is in a routine so sleeps through the night now. 4 months- 8 months has been amazing compared to the newborn stage.

Maybe because I knew she was the only baby I was ever going to have made me cherish every moment.

Good for you but you are the exception here. Women who conceive after years of IVF and infertility treatments (I am one) are most likely to have PND as often the reality of the newborn stage doesn’t match up with the expectation that has built up when ttc. You are very lucky you had a sleepy newborn.

Sure you can go to a wedding at 3 weeks old. The baby will just sleep the day away in a sling. Oh newborns are easy, they just sleep and occasionally wake up to eat

Right! I took DD to a big family 90th birthday party when she was a few weeks old. She was going through a growth spurt so she fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed, fed, pooed for the entire party.

She went through all the nappies we'd brought, and stained her lovely linen dress/knicker combo yellow. I spent the entire party either with her attached to my boob, or changing her nappy. Everyone wanted to cuddle her but she'd scream as soon as she left my boob.

It was 18 years ago and I'm still slightly traumatised

I thought my baby was adorable, but I found the first 8 -10 weeks very tough. It was the fact that it was a day shift followed by a night shift followed by a day shift ... For weeks.

I know each stage has its challenges, but the newborn stage has been the toughest stage for me so far.

I found the newborn stage easy! Try having a 8 year old who has the strength of Godzilla when they’re having a meltdown.. every.single.day. 😒
Whoever said it’d get better, lied.

I took 3 month old DD to a family get-together. It was a couple of hours in the car but with regular breaks. She slept along the way. Then we got there she screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and screamed. She only calmed down when I left and took her back to the hotel. Nightmare.

Lack of sleep is torture. My eldest ds slept through the night, a good 10-12 hours from the age of 1. So I enjoyed toddlerhood!

I'm currently awake at 4am (and have been since 12am) with a newborn who throws up a lot and hates wind.