To think this is not under eating

[Buzzzlightyear]

Posting because I’m so fed up of this situation but don’t feel like I can vent to the people involved.

I have a group of friends who I’ve known for 15+ years. I am slim and always have been, they are all overweight and always have been (since I’ve known them anyway). I don’t have a problem with their weight 2 of them seem to have one with mine.

I’ve noticed the last few years they watch everything I eat (and what DH eats when other halves are there). They always comment that I’ve/we’ve hardly eaten anything. If I go round to theirs they’ll have loads of snacks and biscuits around but they always comment that I never have anything (I do. I’ll have say 2 biscuits and stop there). I get snacks in for them too and they will go through packets of biscuits at a time - this happened today and I got an eye roll for not having anything. Once after the pub me and one of them got a McDonald’s and she turned to me and said it’s SO good to see you eating and hugged me...like a long awkward hug. I once got congratulated for finishing my meal when we were all out for dinner. One of the girls said loudly oh buzz I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you finish your meal I’m so proud (this isn’t even true I’ve finished my meals many times when out with them).

The latest things that have pissed me off are firstly I’m not allowed to talk about my running because two of them have started running and it would demoralise them to hear that I’m faster. I get this but everytime they talk about their running they’ll look at me and say I know that sounds pathetic to you - but it doesnt!! I really don’t care about their running times I’m just glad they’re running and enjoying it. I’m always supportive on apps like strava. The other thing - we’re going to a spa soon for our 30ths and We have all been told by one of them no bikinis because it’s showing off and would make her feel bad. I only own bikinis in terms of swimwear so would have to buy something new, also there will be other women at the spa wearing bikinis and most importantly I like wearing them!

This is not a deal breaker friendship wise its petty - I love them, they’re very very kind to me in lots of other ways and our kids all get on great. However I’m at the point where I’m starting to get irrationally pissed off when they make a comment/eye roll and I’m worried I’m going to snap and it’ll come across wrong. Aibu to be this annoyed? Also aibu to think half a medium dominoes Pizza, and 3 sides shared with dh (wedges, garlic bread, cookies if it matters) is NOT eating hardly anything?

You should wear something like this OP:
masqueradeexpress.com/one-piece-swimsuit-with-cut-out-front/

What Purple and Funguy said. So don't see them anymore.

The thing is - to those saying to call them out - how do I do it without causing too much damage the the friendship? The reason I always bite my tongue is because I know weight it a sensitive subject with them. Two of them have battled with it since school and I know how much it gets them down. On the other hand I’m at the point where it’s getting under my skin.

Do NOT buy a cheap one piece as a pp poster suggested! Wear your bikini, fuck them, wear it and feel fab! And start shutting them down.

Nobody is allowed to wear a bikini
"Eh I'll wear what I like when I like thank you, you have absolutely no right to try control what anyone else wears"

So good to see you eat
" What are you talking about Brenda I eat all the time, I don't comment on what you do or don't eat so either extend me the same courtesy or I'll just keep passing comment on your food and expect you to just take it on the chin like you do me"

eye roll at two biscuits
"Who are you rolling your eyes at Brenda? You know I can see you right?"

Oh you only ever eat two biscuits
"Two is enough for me, would you like me to eat more to make you feel like you are eating less is it?"

I know they are your friends but they sound very fucking annoying

Accusations of 'stealth boasting' seen to be gaining popularity over 'reverse' accusations.

The equivalent would be you saying "Sandra, do you really think you should eat all those chips?", moving the snacks away from them when they come round "just to keep temptation out of your way" or hugging Sharon and tearfully saying "It's so nice to see you asking for the Slimline tonic"!

They would (rightly) think you were a total bitch, but really it's no different

@Funguy how is it boasting to say you don't feel the need to eat more than 2 biscuits at a time?

They're not judging you, they think that you are judging them, and are getting defensive.

This. I have gotten this for a lot of my life (not so much any more now I'm carrying some baby weight ) and it's always from people who are unhappy with their own bodies and weight, so feel the need to bring down others. The problem is 100% theirs and not yours.

@Grumbley Very honest of you. I'm and 8-10, not skinny at all, just average and I have had comments from overweight friends similar to what the OP describes.
There's no way you can say anything though as the one these comments are being directed at because if you do you'll be accused of 'fat-shaming'
It's frustrating.

yes fit shaming. they feel bad about their crap diets so are projecting it to you. A lot of people have lost sight of what a healthy diet and healthy portions is. Don't let them get to you.

Yeah, I would make it clear that you are not forking out for a new swimming costume because they don’t want you to wear your bikini!
That’s really controlling. As is commenting on what you eat. I think it’s fair to call them out on it each time. ‘Why are you so obsessed with what I eat? What’s your issue?’

Fiddlesticks - exactly! It really is no more acceptable for them to say what they are to me than it would be for me to say that.

Is this a stealth boast? Because it does sound like one.

Believe it or not, a lot of slim people get a hard time from their friends/family.

So I don't imagine it is.

You should wear something like this OP

I was thinking something like this might be more helpful
www.horror-shop.com/gb/p/miss-bikini-drag-queen-costume.html

They sound awful.

what you eat isn't any of their business, no need to justify or list pizza etc you have had to make yourself sound "reasonable";

Maybe up your running and eat like a teenaged boy for a little while just to screw with them?

It sounds like your friends are projecting their insecurities onto you.

If I were you, I would challenge it Especially the hug over eating a bloody McDonalds (unless of course you do have an eating disorder they are aware about) If, however you don't. I would use opportunities like that to politely tell your friends your relationship with food is healthy and tell them to stop patronising you.

As for the swimsuit...wtaf? I'd go in a thong and nipple tassels. You do realise they are body shaming you right? Telling you to cover up because they perceive your figure as superior therefore would like you to cover it? That would be a hard no from me. Wear your swimsuit of choice, and perhaps choose nicer friends that aren't making you feel bad about yourself.

FiddlesticksAkimboo

Maybe up your running and eat like a teenaged boy for a little while just to screw with them?

If you could eat double portions of chips and desserts and still be slim they'll blow a gasket!

(I'm a bit sensitive about this because I get it from some people, and it's fucking irritating.)

But in all seriousness, I would reply with something like “I really don’t care what you eat. Why are you so concerned about my food intake?” And then ...silence and look expectantly for an answer.

As others have pointed out, if you were to say to them “I think you’ve had enough biscuits, haven’t you?” Or some such, my god all hell would break loose.

If you are genuinely a size 8-10 then there is nothing to bother about here. I find it odd that they comment about you finishing a meal - why would they even say that if you always have?

Anyway, sounds to me like they are just trying to excuse/take away the fact that they are fat. So in fact they are making themselves feel better by passing the attention to you. Plus they are jealous (what fat person isn't jealous of a skinny friend). Simple explanation right there.

I'm an 8-10. Had it all my life. But rather the opposite I get absolutely SLAMMED for eating whatever the hell I want and still maintaining a slim figure. Next time they make a comment, just tell them straight up to stop with the comments because it's pissing you off. No need to fall out about it, just tell them straight!

Two things at play, either you ARE undereating and in denial or they ARE overeating and in denial. The fact you feel defensive makes me wonder the former.

I used to have an eating disorder and was firmly in denial at the time.

The bikini thing is just bloody odd.

@IsAnybodyListening If I were you, I would challenge it

You can't though. If you say anything then you'll be the bad bastard that's fat shaming them.

It really is a no win situation.

Im the same size as you OP although no one could accuse me of not eating as I eat large portions but don't tend to snack much. Half a pizza between 2 adults doesn't seem a lot though ... half a pizza and a couple of sides wouldn't be enough between my dc age 6 and 10