To think this is not under eating

[Buzzzlightyear]

Posting because I’m so fed up of this situation but don’t feel like I can vent to the people involved.

I have a group of friends who I’ve known for 15+ years. I am slim and always have been, they are all overweight and always have been (since I’ve known them anyway). I don’t have a problem with their weight 2 of them seem to have one with mine.

I’ve noticed the last few years they watch everything I eat (and what DH eats when other halves are there). They always comment that I’ve/we’ve hardly eaten anything. If I go round to theirs they’ll have loads of snacks and biscuits around but they always comment that I never have anything (I do. I’ll have say 2 biscuits and stop there). I get snacks in for them too and they will go through packets of biscuits at a time - this happened today and I got an eye roll for not having anything. Once after the pub me and one of them got a McDonald’s and she turned to me and said it’s SO good to see you eating and hugged me...like a long awkward hug. I once got congratulated for finishing my meal when we were all out for dinner. One of the girls said loudly oh buzz I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you finish your meal I’m so proud (this isn’t even true I’ve finished my meals many times when out with them).

The latest things that have pissed me off are firstly I’m not allowed to talk about my running because two of them have started running and it would demoralise them to hear that I’m faster. I get this but everytime they talk about their running they’ll look at me and say I know that sounds pathetic to you - but it doesnt!! I really don’t care about their running times I’m just glad they’re running and enjoying it. I’m always supportive on apps like strava. The other thing - we’re going to a spa soon for our 30ths and We have all been told by one of them no bikinis because it’s showing off and would make her feel bad. I only own bikinis in terms of swimwear so would have to buy something new, also there will be other women at the spa wearing bikinis and most importantly I like wearing them!

This is not a deal breaker friendship wise its petty - I love them, they’re very very kind to me in lots of other ways and our kids all get on great. However I’m at the point where I’m starting to get irrationally pissed off when they make a comment/eye roll and I’m worried I’m going to snap and it’ll come across wrong. Aibu to be this annoyed? Also aibu to think half a medium dominoes Pizza, and 3 sides shared with dh (wedges, garlic bread, cookies if it matters) is NOT eating hardly anything?

It’s not half a pizza it’s a quarter of a medium pizza! Slightly different
Not really

If she’s full, she’s full.

Why do so many people care how much she ate?!

Eyes on your own plate

I've even had a random stranger throw food at me in the street while calling me an anorexic bitch.

What an utter fucking weirdo (the stranger, I mean).

She's already said it was half a pizza, not a quarter.

Argh God, why am I even engaging in the great half / quarter pizza debate! It doesn't matter. Either way she isn't under eating if she has that plus sides.

@Moonbeamsandcaterpillars, Let’s not get facts, and reading comprehension, get in the way of a good old-fashioned food shaming.

Sorry poppy.

You really should go out with the OP and her friends when you're on a pig-out phase. Being eaten under the table by a skinny person will cause their heads to explode

I get that a lot tbf

Usually, "Wow you are ALL THAT?" in tones of unflattering amazement.

I am just saying that if your good friends feel upset by you wearing a bikini and have asked you not to, then why not just humour them because they are, you know, your friends? Swimsuits aren’t all that expensive.

Ahh no, how bout they stop skinny shaming OP. True friends wouldnt do that
Whats next, they dont want her taller so she not allowed heels?

I get it OP. Ive been called anorexic, bulimic, skeletor, bag of bones by strangers and so called friends. They being assholes.
Id call them out these days, im no longer nice and laugh it off. I figure if someone can skinny shame me, they happy to be picked at about their weight. Dont like it, dont comment on my weight.

I get it, OP... it gets kinda nasty feeling watched all the time. While you have a reasonable and sensible relationship with food (lucky you!!!), it sounds like these ladies haven’t. (Eating whole packets of biscuits is not reasonable, it’s out of control. Nobody’s genuinely that hungry when you’re talking about a snack, not a meal.) Anyway... Like your friends, I haven’t always had a great relationship with food either, and I put on a LOT of weight and began to suffer the consequences health-wise. I also spent most of my 30’s and early 40’s absolutely fucking miserable, too. So I did something about it, and lost the weight. Because it was so much weight, (60kgs) and I have kept it off for 3+ yrs through diet and portion control, and I am now (obvs) anorexic. (I don’t eat sugar or grains, so I refuse most cafe foods and stick to tea or coffee, etc. This is what has worked for me.) I have had enough of the whispering behind my back and the “concerned” phone calls to my husband (while I was tucking into roast lamb), and “interventions”. I no longer associate with some people who seem more invested in trying to force me to eat something I know will set me back to fit their own agenda (so that I look more like them, maybe?) and instead socialize with people I can relax with and have a good time. (Wine, champagne and gin are still very much part of my diet!🤣) Now I’m 47, and look and feel younger than I used to as well!

I don't think that is under eating.

I would not even be able to eat 4 slices and then bread and chips on top of that.

My partner and I usually share a pizza in pizza express - with garlic bread and salad too - that fills us both up .

Love how no ones allowed to mention people eating “too much” without being accused of fat shaming.

It’s a fact that if to you eat more calories than you burn you will gain weight.

The more you eat the bigger your stomach gets and the more you need to feel full. Those that can eat a whole medium/large pizza can do so because there stomach is used to it.

OP eats normal/recommended portion sizes, her friends are eating double/triple (or more) the recommended portion size and then commenting that OP is the one in the wrong?

It’s fine if you want to eat a whole pizza but don’t moan to your skinny friend about how they are slim and you are fat.

I used to eat way above the recommended calories a day, and was fat because I was greedy. I know that some people have health issues or medication which causes weight gain, but I want one of those- just lazy and liked food. In an effort to get healthier (and lose weight as a by product) I became much more aware of calories, and the amount of comments are far greater than when I was big and demolishing ridiculous amounts of calories. I could easily eat a stuffed crust pizza with several sides, no one ever said anything; now I order a small with one side people feel the need to say something, still loads of calories in it and not particularly healthy anyway. Having a salad at work is seen as akin to a terrible crime, whereas no one batted an eyelid when i would often have a can of drink, a loaded sandwich, crisps, a chocolate bar and maybe a token bit of fruit. Your friends are being unreasonable, it would be one thing if you never ate and your weight was affecting your health to say something, but seems they are just trying to justify their amounts.

Wasn't one of those*

Also, why are pizzas coming with chips now anyway? We are killing ourselves with food and we know it.

Mmmmm, this has inspired me to order Dominos. With the cookies for pudding.

We get the Dominos Feed Four meal between the two of us 😂

People are odd about food and size. They comment on my kids' small appetites and the fact that they are very slender. I'm overweight (currently lost just over a stone and still going) so I don't suffer with undereating or serving tiny portions, they just can't eat much at a time and are naturally thin. I bet those same people would be offended if I said things like "wow your little Jimmy is a bit of a chubber isn't he?", "are you really going to giver her all those chips?" Etc. I wouldn't say those things because it's not nice but calling my kids skinny minnies and saying I need to order more (to be thrown away untouched) is ok it seems.

It's a form of gaslighting, possibly unintentional. They are trying to make your body/eating habits seem weird, so their bodies/overeating isn't so noticeable.

You eat normally, they over-eat.
Inwardly, they know this, but they don't want to admit it.
So they've re-written the truth and turned it against you to make themselves feel justified in over-eating. So they are saying your normal amounts are too little and their large amounts are normal.