Well I’ve just got off the phone to her and it didn’t go well. This is probably going to a little bit scrambled up though because I can’t remember everything that was said and my brain is still trying to make sense of it all.
I told her that although I had relented (a little) and said it was fine for her to come in for a drink and stay for the few hours her son would be here, I still felt very uncomfortable about it.
I said that although she has been told she isn’t getting a tour of the house, the fact that I will still know she is there checking to make sure my house isn’t dirty still doesn’t sit right with me. I said that the damage has already been done and nothing we say/do is going to change the fact that I know she will be sitting there and deciding whether my house is suitable enough for her son to be in.
I said it would be absolutely fine if it was just a normal social call, see where her son will be, stay for ten minutes to check he’s ok etc, but that we both know her visit isn’t like that and I don’t feel ok about it.
She then had a big go about how I can’t cancel it now because her son was all excited and it would be really cruel of me.
I acknowledged that and did apologise, but I also said that I felt very pressured to give in to her yesterday because she bought the issue up in front of the children which I felt was a bit unfair. I asked her what it was she had expected me to say with the children right there and listening?! I said that I felt I had no option but to invite her son round because there wasn’t much else I could say with the children all listening in.
Anyhow - she told me that nobody else minded showing her around their houses to prove it was clean, and the fact that I wont do it is just an excuse to not invite her son. She basically said that I must not like her son and that’s why I haven’t invited him round.
I told her that her son is wonderful (he is) and she knows that I would love to have him round but if she doesn’t feel comfortable leaving him with me without assessing the suitability of my house first then I can’t do anything about that.
It then got a bit shouty, she tried to tell me I was overreacting and couldn’t understand what my problem was, I told her that if she trusted me look after her son then to just let him come round after school one day on his own. She continued to say no and said it wouldn’t be happening until she could check my house was ok first.
We were just going round in circles so I ended it by saying I was sorry we couldn’t come to a mutual arrangement and that we will just have to accept that we have differing views on play date etiquette, and different boundaries, and unfortunately our differences can’t be resolved.
I told her that I would see her Monday morning and I hope this wouldn’t cause any issues between us, the other mothers, and the children but she near enough just put the phone down on me.
I feel awful about it all.
I know there are people on here who do think I’m overreacting but I genuinely don’t feel comfortable with her coming into my house with the sole aim being to decide if it’s clean enough for her son to be in. Even more so because I know if she’s happy to criticise other people’s houses to me, then she’ll also be happy to criticise my house to other people.
At the end of the day I just feel very anxious and uncomfortable about the whole thing and that is enough of a reason in my eyes to have cancelled it.