catcalled and groped every time I go out

[DuploTower]

Aibu reasonable to be suspicious of women who claim to be catcalled and groped every time they go out?

Or am I just too old and unattractive to know what that's like and that it does happen.

I'm certainly not saying it never happens. And if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

But every time you go out?

Is it a bit of a stealth brag?

They must be exaggerating.

Aibu?

I've been subjected to catcalls about my boobs since I had any ,even in my 50s I still get the odd nice rack shouted at me. Luckily I've only been groped once and that was on the Metro in Paris on a school trip . It was obviously that we weren't French so I don don't think he expected me to call him a pervert in French very loudly. I'm not sure if him getting off at the next station was a coincidence.

When I was younger (17- 23ish it would happen to me every time I went out at the weekend .
I was actually thrown out of a club for punching a man in the face who thought it was ok to grab me between the legs while I was dancing with a friend .
Thankfully I don’t go “clubbing” anymore and at 36 no one is interested in me anyway apart from dh but I have had some horrible things happen to me in the past by men who think they can do whatever they like to me and that is not a “brag” that’s a disgusting thing to say

And as for being catcalled , it used to happen while I was out with my son and then again when I had my daughter .
That horrified me so much and I found it even more disrespectful

Why is it so unbelievable? So because it doesn’t happen to you it can’t have happened regularly to anyone else?! What an ignorant viewpoint. It happens to many women and it’s nothing to brag about ffs. Attitudes like yours OP are exactly why women are disbelieved about sexual assault. What a disgusting attitude.

It happened quite a lot (not groping but catcalls etc) when I was a teenager. I had a very beautiful flatmate at uni who could barely move without a lot of attention from male strangers.

Well yet tonight the same creep at work who's asked me for my number repeatedly asked again. Was told no and he kept asking. He then asked if he could leave me his. I said no again.then he tried to get me to come out Friday I said no and I was working. So now hes gonna wait for me after work apparently

But no, its not a thing

The first time I was groped was age 8 by a man who worked at my school. The first time I was catcalled was age 11 in my school uniform when a man stopped his car next to me whistled and then when I ignored him kerb crawled me asking 'how much'.

I don't consider myself attractive but I could write about many instances it's happened. I try not to go out alone now because of that and worse things that have happened, it might not have happened every time I went out but it felt like it. It happened on public transport when travelling to work, in the street walking to work, at work.

And no that isn't some kind of stealth boast. It's made me feel disgusted and ashamed and scared.

I run and used to get it regularly (I was once followed by a couple in a car believe it or not really slowly down a very quiet residential street that was terrifying) don’t get it so much in the past few years but still often enough to be regular. I even got it when I started training post baby last year I was fat, terribly out of shape and had bad post breastfeeding acne - hardly a ducking stealth boast!

Being catcalled and groped can happen a lot depending on where you live. I expect they are just using hyperbole when they say "every time they go out." What they mean is that it happens to them often. Which is sad.

Another clue its about power vs vulnerability, not just lust - now my friends and I are in 40s and 50s it's rare, but happens to three friends regularly. All three have large breasts, yes, tend to wear dresses, and heels, but also are short, and wear glasses. And one sometimes walks with a stick and has a limp, and another uses a wheelchair.

Coincidence? Probably not.

Also I've been groped more by men in gay nightclubs than anywhere else. Definitely a power thing. One reason I went to fetish clubs, where if they're any good, consent is really bloody taken seriously!

The good practice code for building sites has made a huge difference I think, though I'm sure teenage girls still get gangs of chaps managing to make 'good morning' sound threatening.
Hopefully without obvious older men doing it all the time, fewer teenagers will think it's what they ought to do to be a proper man...

So I am suspicious too, unless they are walking around with everything on snow

So you were walking around in Italy with “everything on show”?

Whilst I think the OP has nefarious intentions when starting this thread I think it has been a useful discussion on what women face on a regular basis.

The only times its happened to me have been mainly in warm weather when I've been wearing more revealing clothes like close fitting vest tops and even then very rarely.

When I was about 13 a man about 28-30 walked past me and turned around again and told me I was going to be “so sexy” when I’m older. It made me feel sick as I was literally a child. I’ve never forgotten it and it really coloured my view of men for years. I used to hate walking in public too, whistled at from older men or odd comments here and their. Honking the horn to make me jump and then a man leering and shouting something obscene. I hated it. Made me quite nervous to go out.
I’m now nearly 30 and gained a little weight, I don’t get it as much as I did when I was younger but still now and again and I hate it just as much now.

So I am suspicious too, unless they are walking around with everything on snow*

What BS. I went to Dubai recently and got horrible sleazy comments from men and I was fully covered up out of respect for the customs of the country. This is in a country where many women cover themselves to prevent inciting lust in men yet the men were just as lecherous, now what does that tell you?! It tells me the problem is with the fcking men not the women.

I was catcalled a lot between the ages of 11- early 20s. Maybe not every time I went out, but a lot. It's a bit of hyperbole to try and emphasis s a very real problem.

Yy russell

I was offered money on the way home from a friends. Didnt think u could get much more covered up than a parka coat down the knees with a hood up

I am gobsmacked by this old fashioned idea that if you get unwanted attention from men it’s because you are dressed provocatively. The fact that women who wear full length burkas are still victims of rape and sexual assault should surely prove otherwise. Women are frequently raped and sexually assaulted wearing NORMAL clothes and are covered up. If avoiding rape was as simple as covering up then any one of us could happily walk down alleyways and across parks alone at night because all we’d have to do to be safe would be to wear a large overcoat! Yet strangely that doesnt make us safe does it? I wonder why........

You think women are boasting about being sexually assaulted? Our rape culture is well and safe with you OP.

When I was 17 I used to walk to my weekend job in my Tesco uniform, past a building site. The uniform got me a few catcalls - seem to think it might have been quite brightly coloured. Not sexy, obviously!
Of course you don't only get comments when you're dressed sexily. But I can't be the only one to have been catcalled more when wearing a short skirt or low top (even with my beesting boobs).
The point is that it's not you wearing a short skirt that's wrong. It's the men being dirty creeps that's wrong.

Unfortunately it does happen regularly according to my 19 year old especially when on a night out. I really thought we’d moved on but clearly not and this is from younger lads!

I should think the incidence of these things is much less these days, although of course there are always neanderthal twats around. I used to live in an Islamic country, and the groping there was unbelievable! There were many types, the worst being the full frontal - you would be walking along the street, and some bloke, passing you from the opposite direction, would do a quick 3 pronged grope, at lightning speed. They must have practiced at home, it was so fast. I soon learned the appropriate phrases to shout at them, usually resulting in other (respectable) men grabbing them and giving them some abuse, and for other situations such as on public transport etc carried a large hat pin in my bag.

I also think we should add being "driven at" to the list. That seems to be another thing. When theres a massive gap plenty night enough to cross but the second you start crossing they speed up.

Even on zebra crossings. And even when the traffic lights are red and the little man is green, they will still drive at you and not stop. Always seems to be men. Either in Van's or lorries and bmws

Happened as a teenager in the 80’s. I felt like a was a celebrity, everywhere I went. No groping tough. Never happens nowadays.

It happened to me loads when I was younger, less often nowadays but I'm a bit chubbier now and make less effort with my appearance. I'm only 29 but from what I've seen it happens more often to women and girls a lot younger than me.

I shouted at some men recently (early 20s) who were harassing a teenage girl in the street and following her. When they asked her how old she was and she said 14 they thought it was hilarious and said to her "come back when you're 16." Then verbally abused me when I told them to leave her alone.

In the lift, in uniform, at work, in the House of Lords, by an elderly male peer of the realm (groped; not me, young female relative).

It is literally anywhere and everywhere. No need to make anything up, really. A grumble, not a boast.