catcalled and groped every time I go out

[DuploTower]

Aibu reasonable to be suspicious of women who claim to be catcalled and groped every time they go out?

Or am I just too old and unattractive to know what that's like and that it does happen.

I'm certainly not saying it never happens. And if someone finds it uncomfortable or intimidating it's not OK.

But every time you go out?

Is it a bit of a stealth brag?

They must be exaggerating.

Aibu?

As far as groping, that never happens unless I’m “out out”. It used to happen all the time in school though (2012 ish) but I guess times are different

I get cat called daily (however I’m including comments from drivers/horns honking in that too.) I don’t think being unbelievably attractive has much to do with it, it’s just men being men.

I’d rather be left alone to be honest. It’s not flattering the 100th time.

Definitely not a brag. I have never enjoyed receiving unwanted attention from men. I'm 49 now so don't experience it as much now but it still happens - particularly when I'm out running.

When I was younger ,say from age 13 to 35 I was regularly catcalled , touched , had sexual language shouted at me from a passing car ( even once when pushing my baby daughter in her pram) , a man whispering sexual comments to me as he walked past me ( that was creepy and frightening ) and unwanted and persistent attention from men when I was out socialising and even at work. My reluctance to accept their advances would often be met with aggression. Add to this the fact that I've been flashed more times than I can actually count and sexually attacked /assaulted in broad daylight by a stranger when walking to the bus stop ( I was 15 )

I was always dressed conservatively , in school uniform as a teenager and then in suits when I started work. I was slim with a large bust. The main thing that these men seemed to be focused on was my breasts. I used to wish I could cut them off and eventually did have a eduction when I was older.

I was an attractive enough young women( didn't think it at the time but can now see that I was ) but not exceptionally so.

I used to be extremely upset by these incidents and I can assure you it never felt like something to brag about.

I, too, fondly imagined it had stopped, but I had just outgrown the parameters

I wonder if this is the reason it doesn't get discussed as much as you might expect in feminism? I also thought it had died out, or wasn't as bad, but this thread plainly shows it hasn't. I mean why would it? Society sees women as merely sexual objects even more than ever.

Hard to know what can be done though. That's why I keep returning to what are the good men going to do about it??

OP, I'm very slow to anger, but this thread is enough to make any woman angry. These stories, all these women. You came from a place of doubting women who told you they had been groped/catcalled. You thought they might be stealth-bragging.

You're only response to this cascade of women sharing their experiences? 'That's me told.'

You are taking the piss I assume?

From age 15 to about 24 this would be true for me (I'd be meeting friends from age 15-18 so a bit of lipstick and nice jeans and top, then college itself was OK but commuting often late at night age 21-24,from one end of the Northern Line to the other, I could guarantee I'd be sleazed over on average once per day. I even kept spreadsheets for a while. Over half would be Arab and Asian guys with non-UK accents, and most of the rest would be Brits in equal amounts of Asian, white, and Arab/mixed-looking. I remember this vividly because of my shock when I got hit on by a black guy for the first time.

In comparison, I'd get a polite approach and conversation from a chap about once a week, almost all with UK accents, with white, Asian, black and other guys all represented in similar proportions (like the local population).

Once I was about 23 I mastered resting bitch face and the hassle plummeted, except for when I had flu or was drunk or looked vulnerable in some way. That contrast in treatment really made clear that the power differential was key to why I got hassled, and it was nothing to do with my looks or dress.

Skip to my 40s and the hassle is approx nil, but there's the odd polite approach every few months. But I notice eyes on my daughter. So far, no-ones said anything, but she's only seven (looks ten, though).

This is a confused opening post.

I got 'hassle' regularly from late primary until 30s. I remember going to an adult/children party in late primary and being kindof 'chatted up' by this older guy. It was weird and scary. I remember numerous incidents from teens and 20s in particular, which range from terrifying me to distracting me (nearly got hit on bike a few times with comments) to plain grossing me out. Nothing got discussed or talked about at home so I had no idea how to deal with this so called attention. It can make you quite introverted. And really takes away one's agency. It never felt like mutual respectful flirting.
No one would brag about this abuse.

Unfortunately this does happen a lot of women, especially teenagers and those in their early 20s. I don't think women are boasting about it, they are probably fed up of it. I had it all the time when I was younger much less so now.

Summer Pavillion I think it's true that they do it often when other men or older women aren't around to pull them up on it, yes. It generally happened to me when I was on my own or with other young girls/women. I do think it's often a power play as they get so arsey if you do answer back.

I must admit I hoped it had reduced since my youth but realise that this is not the case from the number of articles about it.

Worse than ever. Not to me , probably as I'm over 50 ( but did have a 20 something grab my leg probably to to being off his nut on coke)
See and hear all the time to young women. Has changed from loud wolf whistle to more subtle, so not to draw wider public attention. Cheeky horrible bastards.

I've either never had this or just don't notice it!

I'm 42 now and never go out to clubs etc so hasn't happened in years. But it is a real thing and I suspect it's actually worse than ever. Jesus, I've had waiters pinch my bum when out for dinner with my parents. Why would you think it's not true?

I'm old and fat now, but when I was early twenties I used to most times I went out, genuinely no idea why as I've always been plain with a wobbly body, but it doesn't overly surprise me if people get it often- every time seems quite a stretch though.

I got this when I was younger. One summer we had to walk past a group of builders to school every day (we were about 15) - they were building a bridge over a railway line so there there was no alternative route we could take to avoid it. We must have been considered a turn-on in our school uniforms - it was unpleasant.

We hated and dreaded it - no Me Too movement then. It was considered normal and just something we had to put up with. No one would have listened or taken us seriously. Lucky for us we moved house and approached the school from another direction.

I really hoped times had changed for the better.

I got catcalled from a van yesterday! It does happen to me quite regularly (this IS NOT a stealth brag). I'm nearly 50!

I think I probably look young (dress young, no grey hair and am tall and size 10) from a distance. Close up, the men would probably have a shock. That said, if the catcalling is designed to degrade and objectivise me, I don't suppose they care how old I am. It isn't a brag because I don't think that it's a compliment to be cat called, nor is it a reflection on your beauty/attractiveness.

Haven't been groped for sometime, but don't go to clubs much and hardly ever venture onto the tube at rush hour.

I was first chatted up when i was 12 by a grown man ( didnt realise at the time) i was well developed by then. It was normal back in the late 70s/early 80s. Cat calls were common and wolf whistling was just something you knew would happen. Only once did a guy pinch my backside and he got a punch in the face. My DGD is just 13 and i would knock any bloke out that even thought about chatting her up

Only once did a guy pinch my backside and he got a punch in the face

lots of times I'd have loved to do that but I wouldnt...because if he punched me back I probably would have no face left to speak of :(
I mean that's a pretty bold thing to do lowlandLucky I think I could throw a pretty good punch but I have no actual fighting skills and I am small of stature so it would be lights out for me after that :(

I would say I did (get cat-called/beeped at/groped) for a few years at secondary school.

Depressing how little this has improved over the decades

I was harassed and catcalled quite a bit from 12-30 ... that's late 1960s to mid-1980s
I've never been pretty:
short, flat-chested, plain face, little or no makeup, always in sports gear or jeans never in "pretty clothes"

I used to ignore it, but sometimes that made the men angry and more aggressive
Hitting out is likely to get you hurt - or they complain to the police to get you into trouble.

The scariest times were when I hadn't realised I was alone and got surrounded:
e.g. a tube carriage when most other passengers got off but a group of men who had been making remarks blocked me from the exit - I had to swing my bag and yell at them, then charge through the door.

I've been flashed a few times on trains and did once point him out at the gate.
We waited ages for the police and then he just got a warning, my word against his

I don't know whether I got better at avoiding situations when men felt free to do this, or got beyond the age to be thought worth it

However, the last time I made one of my rare London tube journeys, the carriage was packed and a man rubbed his erect penis against me - I was 59.
I cba to do anything about him;
he was no more important than a dog cocking his leg - but if the carriage had been empty it would have been scary.

It happened to me in Italy when I was 19, slim and blonde, dozens of times a day. Rarely in the UK, however. So I am suspicious too, unless they are walking around with everything on snow.

*show

I live in London and this never happens to me. But then I’m an overweight mother of 4 so it wouldn’t 😂

You are 100% being unreasonable!!!

Cat-calling has nothing to do with attractiveness (though it’s bound to happen more if you are attractive), it’s about men sexualizing women and feeling entitled to their body because they like what they see.

I am gay, I wouldn’t say I am unattractive but I am also no model and yet I get harassed almost on the daily, regardless of what I wear and regardless of who I am with or what I am doing or where I am at (I have lived in several countries and continent, it’s the same crap just in a different language each time).

As a gay woman the last thing I want is men’s attention or hands on me yet that seems to constantly happen, guys honking and saying dirty stuff at me from their car window, guys blocking my way as I try to walk somewhere so they can grab at me or ask me for my number, guys trying to kiss me without my consent, guys flashing me or masturbating next to me like it’s totally acceptable and okay. I can walk down the street with a baby in tow and I still have people grabbing at me or asking me “ is the baby yours? Do you want another one?” “ If not I can give you your own”, it’s vile, it’s intimidating, it’s stressful, it’s gross and it makes me feel unsafe (especially has someone who has been sexually assaulted twice).

Women sharing their stories of sexual harassment aren’t boasting, and if you somehow feel like it’s something someone could ever be jealous of, you genuinely have no idea.

If I talk about the sexual harassment I experience almost daily, it’s never to brag, anybody who has been sexually harassed will know that it’s not about us. The guy who will cat-call me later today will, no doubt, cat-call the girl walking by after me. It says nothing about my attractiveness or aesthetics, it’s just further proof that men will forever feel entitled to treat me like an object that belongs to them and is there for their pure entertainment.

The thing that frustrates me the most is that a baby won’t stop them but the notion that I may have a boyfriend will, as a gay woman it frustrates me to no end that the only way to get rid of a creep is to insinuate I belong to another man.

Give yourself a wobble OP. Sexual harassment isn’t cool and definitely not brag-worthy. If you are not experiencing it, thank your lucky star, don’t look down on women who aren’t as lucky as you.

Never, ever happens to me. I must have a RBF to beat the band.

Thank fuck.

UYScutie I am only 5ft 2 but i have a hell of a temper in situations like that, Husband says i am a fiesty little bugger, he is 6 ft and built like the proverbile brick outhouse and he knows i will scrap if backed into a corner. I am normally polite and laid back until pushed

A combination of only ever modest attractiveness & now age mean I never got this much/don't at all these days. The notable exception, though, is office Christmas party season, when the 'beer goggles' are seemingly out in force & the ability to take a hint of 'no thanks' just seems to melt away.