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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a financial contribution?

307 replies

Drivingmecrazy105 · 14/01/2020 19:26

A colleague of mine recently became unwell and has unfortunately had her driving licence removed. We both live in the same town about an hours drive from our place of work and she has asked me if I can drive her to and from work, every day. There is public transport available but it is infrequent and unreliable and no one else in our workplace who lives locally. She doesn’t live on my route and I have to drive in the opposite direction to and from her home. Every week this adds over an hour to my driving time.

Now whilst I am happy to help, colleague has not offered any sort of financial contribution to help with petrol or the extra time it takes me to drive past my own house to take her home. Her own husband also works from home but doesn’t help out, even by bringing her to my house to save me the daily detour.

WIBU to ask her for a financial contribution? And if not, what can I do to make the conversation less awkward?!

OP posts:

GabriellaMontez · 15/01/2020 08:57

Send her the tex kez its perfect.

You could add "dont worry I'm not going to back date it"!

Be ready to nod sympathetically if she can't afford it and say you totally understand and then never give her another lift.

So so cheeky.

Givenupsmokingatlast · 15/01/2020 08:58

Sorry I haven’t read full thread either, but I’ve noticed in England there is not a good culture about petrol contributions. Other countries in which I have lived have had a very well established petrol money expectation. I’m afraid you’ve walked right into this by allowing her to do it for too long. There should have been a clear understanding from the start especially as you’re colleagues not friends (but friends should do as well). You have to do something pronto. Make clear the petrol cost and if she whines point out depreciation, maintenance and hassle as well.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 15/01/2020 09:02

I would start briefing at work in preparation for ending the arrangement. Mention to colleagues in passing that you've helped X out with her emergency and you've been glad to do so for a short time but my goodness you'll be glad to get your freedom back to pop into the shops on the way home, go in early, listen to audio books, avoid small talk etc. Casually mention that she hasn't offered petrol money and ask friendly colleagues for advice on how to broach the subject. Basically get everyone thinking of you as having been kind in an emergency and her as a bit of mild CF. Then when she whines about you ending the arrangement or requiring a contribution, the others are more likely to tell her gently that she's being a CF, needs to sort herself out and actually you've been very generous. You need your colleagues to have thought about it in advance. No drama. No upset. Just quiet gentle conversation about the situation.

JacquesHammer · 15/01/2020 09:06

I wouldn’t expect a contribution to the petrol from my house to work. I absolutely would expect her husband to be dropping her at your house/collecting from yours each day!

msmith501 · 15/01/2020 09:09

I had a very similar situation. To put it into context, I used to drive 20 miles to work and the same back. The. I started giving s lift to someone which made the entire journey to work 35 miles and the same back. So, the additional direct cost out of my pocket each day was an extra 30 miles worth of petrol - not far off a gallon's worth at the time when petrol was even more expensive than it is now - about £7 extra a day. On top of this - see AA guidelines used by HMRC - there is wear and tear on the vehicle, tyres etc. So, I asked for 45p / mile (HMRC rates) to cover the cost of the extra miles. CF refused stating - rightly - that I wasn't a licensed taxi service- I agreed and said that I wasn't a freeloader's taxi service either and wasn't prepared to be out of pocket by £35 / week and give up my car "freedom" any longer. After that the husband had to take her and hated it.

Highonpotandused · 15/01/2020 09:10

We have a car share club at work. You enter your commute into the website and it matches you with potential car sharers.

The website tells you how much money to expect from your car sharer for petrol.

There is nothing wrong with expecting money from your car sharer even if they come to your house to be collected.

It’s fairer if the car sharer pays. Look at what has happened to Kez, paying for petrol each month whilst struggling to pay bills, and yet her car sharer gets free lifts every day. It’s unacceptable.

IdblowJonSnow · 15/01/2020 09:14

I think she should contribute and make her own way to yours.
You're not cheeky for asking, shes a CF for not offering.
Dont worry what your colleagues think, though I'd be astonished if they didn't agree.
Shes not your problem! Your car and time, your rules.
Didn't really understand why she hasn't got her licence anymore but apologies, not read full thread.

Berthatydfil · 15/01/2020 09:16

Can you talk to her and say
Sarah can you let me know what your long terms plans are for getting back and forth to work. I have helped you the last few weeks but we need to discuss it properly as I don’t think I can carry on with the arrangement without having a talk about it.
I can’t promise to be able to give you a lift every day I might have appointments or errands I need to run before or after work, I might be sick or need to take the odd day off and of course I have my holidays every year.

I can’t be made to feel guilty if I’m not able to give you this lift.
So I wanted to speak to you about it, I appreciate it’s difficult losing your licence but you need to make some arrangements that don’t always rely on me as I can’t commit to that and I don’t think it’s fair to expect that of me.

Wait for her reply ..........

Then if you want to you can say - I will take you to work on the days I’m going but I can’t promise I won’t have emergencies that might crop up that will mean that’s not possible. Also I need you to be outside my house when I’m leaving it’s only a 5 minute drive so you can walk if the weathers nice or Dave needs to bring you. I can’t wait if your late.
Similarly going home - you will need to walk to your house or Dave will have to pick you up and if I’m leaving early or having a half day you need to have a back up plan.

Also I need a contribution to my petrol costs of £x Starting from Monday.

.........

Christmaspug · 15/01/2020 09:19

Get her husband to drop her at yours ,and pick her up at your home and charge half petrol costs

Pilot12 · 15/01/2020 09:19

Of course she should pay half the fuel, if she got the bus she'd have to pay for that, if her husband drives she'd have to pay for all the fuel. It seems fair that you should get something out of this too, a reduction in your fuel costs. Tell her that from Monday she needs to give you half the petrol money weekly. If she doesn't pay that's the end of the arrangement.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 15/01/2020 09:36

I was in the same situation. A colleague asked for a lift to and from work for "a couple of weeks", which turned into months. She never offered any money towards the ride and towards the end she went all CF by asking if I could pick her up earlier as she wanted to call into the shop on the way or drop her off and wait for her to do her shopping on the way back. I refused. She then started bad mouthing me at work calling me selfish and unreasonable. I told her that she would have to find her own way to/from work starting that afternoon. I never offer lifts to anyone now.

buckeejit · 15/01/2020 09:40

Irrespective she is saving money from her usual travel costs.

Maybe she is planning on giving you something but she needs to know that she should contribute here & agree she should make her way to & from your house. I'd say to her either what your costs are and half them or see if she comes up with a figure. The fact that she is huffing about paying for the bus is a good indicator that she's keen to hold onto her money! There's no way I'd have someone come get me if it was fairly easy for dh to leave me at their house each day. Good luck op

MiniEggAddiction · 15/01/2020 09:42

If I were her I'd be getting a lift to and from your house and offering more than half the petrol costs to pay for wear and tear on the car and your inconvenience (you can't decide to leave early or late, you have all the stress of driving). Even after paying her way she should be grateful and giving you a lovely bottle of wine or whatever.

JonSlow · 15/01/2020 09:44

45p per mile is the government rate for car journeys, which takes into account fuel, running costs, depreciation etc.

I would charge her 22.5p per mile - this is sharing the costs of your commute.

So assuming a 30mile trip each way, this is £67.50 a week/ £270 a month.

Present it to her as facts and figures, which will help you be direct, but not blunt.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 15/01/2020 09:55

I would charge her half of what it costs you to get to work and back each week...no need to make a profit from it.

JonSlow · 15/01/2020 10:31

@myusernamewastakenbyme - so how does the OP calculate that?

janetheimpaler · 15/01/2020 11:25

JKscot4, if you accept payment towards carpooling your insurance may be null and void, if there is an accident and a claim is made against you. If you have not informed your insurance company they may view this as a financial arrangement (taxi service) and refuse coverage.

Highonpotandused · 15/01/2020 11:38

@janetheimpaler

Can you provide any evidence that anyone had had their insurance cancelled? You’re scaremongering.

janetheimpaler · 15/01/2020 11:47

Hardly scaremongering. I was advised of this by my neighbour who carpools with three other people for work, she was told to take out taxi insurance. Google it, it is already flagged as a grey area for uber etc.

Tennapenny · 15/01/2020 11:51

She's the one being totally unreasonable by not offering fuel money in the first place. A lesson learned for you. Don't get suckered into this sort of arrangement in the first place. YABU if you don't kick her up the arse with a request for compensation of some sort.

anon2000000000 · 15/01/2020 11:57

Have you spoken to her op?

readingismycardio · 15/01/2020 12:02

It happened to me too. Exact same situation. When I told her she said "why should I pay you, you're going there anyway". That was the last time

AJPTaylor · 15/01/2020 12:05

Tis bollocks 're the insurance as long as you are not doing it for profit.
I had this situation a few years ago. Tell her that it is no longer working for you and adding an hour to your day and she needs to make other arrangements.

Iwannatellyouastory · 15/01/2020 12:13

Don’t do it. What would she do if you weren’t living near by, she would either have to get public transport, get her DH to drive her or look for another job that she could get to on public transport.
I’ve never had a driving licence, due to eyesight problems. I’m in my fifties and have always worked, i’m limited to where I can apply for jobs and even where I can live due to the need to be able to access public transport. I have never relied on anyone else taking me to or from my work.
I have noticed that if someone who normally drives is without a car for a few days then folk will offer lifts etc, obviously with the exception that another driver would do the same if they found themselves temporarily careless in the future no one who normally drives could ever be expected to take public transport.
On the other hand no one would think to offer me a lift every day, I don’t need them to do so as i’m happy to make my own way, an offer is lovely if the weather is especially terrible.
It has taken me all my working life to get a job locally that I can walk to and it has transformed my life.

Russell19 · 15/01/2020 12:14

Tell her you have to go to the gym/friends house/family members house before or after work every day and you can't do it anymore.

Not your problem and you shouldn't be in this situation.

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