To think that I can have a full time job and still be an attachment parent?

[GingaNinja84]

All kicked off on my baby what’s app group. Basically I returned to work this week....couple days a week for a couple months, eventually going full time in the spring.

Mentioned this on my baby group what’s app, and another mum made a snarky comment about ‘how does it feel to be leaving all your work with attachment parenting behind?’

Am I wrong to be royally pissed by this, or is she right?

I get it. The main principles of AP imply that you’re barely supposed to be separated from your baby for those first few years. But I can’t afford that. I need to go back to work to pay bills and afford to raise my little one...and now this woman is making me feel like all of a sudden I can’t be attached to my baby any more?!

For the record....I’m still exclusively breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping and everything else AP entails. I just won’t be with my little girl between 9am - 5pm Monday to Friday.

AIBU to believe I can be an attachment parent and still work full time? Or am I physiologically damaging my child by going back to work? She’s 11 months old.

Another one who hates all these labels, they are all bullshit and tell you all you need to know about the twats that use them... baby-wearing, baby-led weaning, attachment parenting, co-sleeping. Pomo bollocks, it exists in many forms even without the bullshit labels.

Oops I see you used the term babywearing OP, wasn’t meaning to insult you, just the bollocks term.

Google Bowlby’s theory of attachment, and marvel at how far from “attachment” this pile of steaming jizz has come.

Your DC will be fine OP. As they would be if you stayed at home forever. Or moved to the Andes to lead a circus with them. Or retrained as a surgeon. Or dressed them only in purple. Or most other things.

If you want a psychological model for parenting, “good enough” (Winnicott) is good enough.

I bottle fed, spoon fed, used a pram, never ever ever let them into our bed and went back to work when my DC were four or five months respectively. God I needed that break. And they were great sleepers!
We're as 'bonded' as you like. Now teens, I'm glad at didn't waste those precious early years by overthinking everything.
YANBU.

Peaches Geldof was an attachment parent....so attached she died of a overdose next to her child...

You can be a good and loving parent without being ‘attached’ to them at all times.

Excuse my language but what a massive pile of wank.

You should really leave the group for your own sanity. Your baby will be absolutely fine.

Unfortunately you have subscribed to a method that you can no longer execite due to work... labels are unhelpful and parent in the way you know best. But you are no longer and attachment parent. I personally would not want to be one anyway!

The more I read about it. The more horrific it sounds. Misogyny at its heart.
Fucking shocking

So now you’re put down a bit more for being poor. Or needing a job. Like you can’t be a good mother. Fucking disgusting - I would dump these smug cunts in a heartbeat.

Why is AP so important to you? When you go back to work FT and still proceed AP, when will you have 'just me' time?
My advice is: don't burn the candle at both ends. AP is overrated.

Attachment parenting is the invention of women who can afford not to work. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to show that AP is the best form of parenting, because to have that evidence you'd need a control, and no one is going to do that. One parent is not going to do AP full in with one child then do the opposite with another.
OP, the best form of parenting is one where the parents are happy with their lives.

Agree with previous poster - definite misogyny here from those women. Also, do dads not matter? I'm sure most children have an attachment with their father despite him going back to work after a couple of weeks.

May I echo all the PPs who suggest you leave the group and forget all the guilt tripping shit that they preach!
I hated maternity leave and went back to part time work at 4 months with my first baby. I was widowed when my second baby was 11 months, so had to increase my hours up to full time to support us.
My DDs turned out fine - they’re now 29 and 30, with their own homes and graduate careers. DD2 went off to Australia for a year on her own, working and travelling. DD1 is a feisty feminist into martial arts. I have a great relationship with both of them and we all love each other to bits. They’re independent, well adjusted, confident women.

I don’t think my failure to stay at home 24/7 “wearing” them in a sling and co-sleeping has damaged them in the slightest!

@aroundtheworldyet

Actually, you've put it better than I did 🤣

Worra load of bollocks. 'Repair the relationship' indeed

No you wont be an attachment parent, obviously, you'll be away from her all day, every day. But you can stil be a loving, devoted parent so thats ok. Maybe look at Gentle Parenting to give you another label for your new style.

I hope that friend's comment was meant out of concern rather than snarkiness and was just poorly expressed.

I don't see how it can be attachment parenting when you're spending hours apart. However, that doesn't make you a worse parent, and you can still enjoy adhering to many of the ideas from attachment parenting.

OP, any ‘parenting’ that comes with a list of unbreakable ‘rules’ and wanky terms for perfectly normal practices i.e. ‘baby wearing’ is just a ruse to sell books.

Step away from the bollocks. Your baby will be fine.

Bet all these ‘attached’ kids that have been sat at mums feet whilst she had a poo for fear of ‘damaging the bond’ love starting school and realizing the world doesn’t revolve around them !

Also, do dads not matter? I'm sure most children have an attachment with their father despite him going back to work after a couple of weeks.

Totally agree. My husband has quite a flexible job and has a FANTASTIC relationship with our son who is 11 months. It would have been incredibly unfair of me to ‘wear’ DS all day long and not let DH establish their relationship.

In fact DS is my second and DH’s first and I was very careful not to jump in all the time with my experience and let DH find his own way to parent. He’s a great parent and deserved that opportunity.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/30/attachment-parenting-best-way-raise-child-or-maternal-masochism

Quite an interesting article.

So much unnecessary pressure. Love your child. Provide basic necessities and opportunities to explore the world. Stop worrying.

Absolutely nobody I know of who practices AP does every single aspect. Some need to work. Some can’t breastfeed. Others got fed up with having zero sleep because they had a foot pressed in their eyeball and decided not to cosleep.
If you need to work (or don’t need to but want to) - then do it. It doesn’t mean you love your children any less.

I’m pregnant. I’d not heard of attachment parenting. It sounds AWFUL. A way of guilting a mother and making her cease to exist but for her child. Some also shun vaccinations. Bonkers! Not for me at all. This woman sounds awful and like she’s applying the guilt to you already.
Ignore her and go to work.

I managed fine will my younger 3! Still am with the youngest.

Your friend sounds a cow.

Thanks everyone!

Honestly - I didn't read too much into it all (never read any of Dr. Sears books....), just followed and practised what was discussed and followed in my baby circles, which was always referred to as attachment parenting. I liked the principles and all I ever heard about was what wonderful independent children AP produced, it seemed sensible and I never thought twice about it all.

Maybe why it was a shock when the fellow mum said what she did - it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be doing what was (apparently...) best for my child by leaving her to go to work.

Obviously now slowly realising it's all a bunch of wank. I just want to do right by my daughter!