To not want to compliment people who answer like this

[Shesacrazy]

Settle an argument between me and DP-

He thinks I’m being unreasonable as I refuse point blank to compliment someone after I’ve paid them a compliment and they have answered with “I know”

I.e
“Your looking fantastic”
“I know I do”

Or
“That outfits gorgeous on you”
“I know it is”

Or
“You suit that hairstyle so much”
“I know, that’s why it’s like it”

I’m all for people being confident and totally love giving compliments as I know it boosts peoples day, but this response to me is a conversation killer.
Why not answer “thanks” or make conversation about it, just had your hair done, nails done, found a new shop with nice styles then tell me about it!

AIBU to just not pay second compliments to people who have answered as such in the past? He thinks I shouldn’t change who I compliment based on reactions as self confidence is not arrogance. I’m not particularly saying it’s arrogant but it’s not something I’d like to repeat.

So it's ok for you to say you like their hair/clothes etc but it's not ok for them to agree with you? Eh?

I am with you OP believe it or not I know a few people who are like this and it annoys me. They are not being funny, they are generally full of themselves. To the point once at a party one I know kept saying how gorgeous she was every time someone complimented her dress or said she looked nice . My husband sometimes does this if I compliment him it is off putting when he becomes so full of ego and he knows it.
But I also hate fake modesty too. Just take a compliment graciously.

Are you sure they're not being ironic?

So it's ok for you to say you like their hair/clothes etc but it's not ok for them to agree with you? Eh?

Yep! If others like our outfits or hairstyle thats acceptable. But it is not acceptable for women to acknowledge they like their own outfits or hairstyle too as thats "arrogant and cocky". Therefore, we are meant to despise our appearance until we get a compliment and even then its not acceptable to ever agree with the compliment, we are only allowed to say "thank you" - never agree with it as that would be arrogant and "cocky".

Geez. I notice men dont have to follow these same "rules".

It's called arrogance. They probably have stacks of selfies of me!me!me!

@beautifulstranger101 if you’d read my updates you’d see it was mainly men I know who have responded like this.

Let’s not make it a patriarchal issue.

@shesacrazy

Ok, well stop giving out compliments then! problem solved. If people aren't responding to your compliments in the specific way you want them to then dont give out any more compliments- that way you won't get angry about it. That will teach em!

I mean I don’t give out compliments daily, it was just something me and DP were pondering when we were talking about my Dsis refusing to compliment him now, I said I’d take the same stance (and have).

The people are few and far between so I wouldn’t stop complimenting people altogether for it. You can also tell when someone doesn’t want a compliment based on their body language so I’m not hurling compliments at everyone and keeping a mad notebook recording their responses (as a few people have suggested) 😂😂

He made a joke that out of 20, 10 people would side with him and 10 with me so I put it to the test on here 🤷🏻‍♀️

There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself and not being afraid to say it. Self confidence should be encouraged
Besides if you give a compliment then u must want them to know they look good

You can make the world brighter by giving people compliments. some people don't know how to take them this is down to confidence/self esteem whatever. I love meeting people who have such a reaction as it has taken years for me to get there. I think the reaction means more about you then them.

My compliment response is ‘oh that’s very kind of you to say!’ Because I was an awful one for doing myself down when I got compliments

God, much rather that than the false modesty replies and the "oh don't be daft I look like shit" stuff.

And if YOU have noticed something looks good and can say so, why on earth is it so wrong for them to have noticed it and say it?!

I can't believe you ration compliments like that. How weird!

And if YOU have noticed something looks good and can say so, why on earth is it so wrong for them to have noticed it and say it?!

This is exactly what I dont understand about this mentality. Noone gets dressed in the morning thinking "I sure hope I look like shit today! I bought this outfit but I dont think it looks good, I think it looks like crap" we dress and style ourselves usually hoping that we look good. We dont style our hair or makeup to purposely look bad! So, why is it wrong to agree that we made an effort and we hope we do in fact, look nice?

I think "I know" is a really good response when a purported compliment isn't really a compliment, but an unwanted judgment. Someone saying "that outfit's gorgeous on you" might be interpreted as meaning "I'm surprised you've managed to dress in flattering [to the complimenter's mind] clothes" or as expecting a response along the lines of "of course you could wear it too".

There's lots of layers of complexity between the meaning you intend and the message the other person receives, depending on the relationship between you and the other person.

You're right to stop engaging in this sort of conversation with people who are responding like this when you're trying to be complimentary. It's not working for either of you.

If you like exchanging compliments with people, try to find less loaded topics than appearance.

I had done this once but only because it was an unexpected

My hair is long, thick wavy and frizzy so for work it is always straightened and I never put it up in a bun, pony etc. Not even a low ponytail. For two years my work colleagues have only ever seen my hair down. Anyway after a long evening to night of drinking I went home washed my hair put it in a claw grip (still wet) and passed out. I overslept and it was too late to straighten so I left it the way it was. In the work elevator mirror I was surprised how good it looked. So surprised that when my boss and colleagues told me my hair looks nice I just blurted out “ I know right??”

Is there any chance this person is on the autistic spectrum? Some people I work with who are will sometimes respond this way as they don’t always understand a compliment so will take it as a literal statement. Therefore if you say “wow that dress is fabulous!” they may say “yes it is” but they are not being rude or arrogant.

Sorry I'm one of those "I know" people but then I laugh afterwards. I hate compliments. I make an effort with my appearance and I'm my own worst critic so if I'm satisfied with how I look I know I look good but I hate the attention when people compliment me

No I get where you are coming from but its equally frustrating when someone wont accept a compliment .

I like to compliment people to perk their day up a bit

I don't throw out indiscriminate/ unfounded compliments - they are insincere and potentially embarrassing g to the recipient and do perk up the day. I on,y compliment when I genuinely like someone's hair, perfu,e etc

DP answered my sisters compliment with an I know before and she wasn’t happy, that was 3 years ago and she’s refused to compliment him since*

Ah - so it's a complaint about DH rather than a common practice of smug responses to compliment s

I have never heard this said in a serious way tbh.

Crikey! Why do you think people would welcome your comments? I hate people, particularly work colleagues making comments about my appearance. It really is nothing to do with you, or them how I choose to dress.