To not want to compliment people who answer like this

[Shesacrazy]

Settle an argument between me and DP-

He thinks I’m being unreasonable as I refuse point blank to compliment someone after I’ve paid them a compliment and they have answered with “I know”

I.e
“Your looking fantastic”
“I know I do”

Or
“That outfits gorgeous on you”
“I know it is”

Or
“You suit that hairstyle so much”
“I know, that’s why it’s like it”

I’m all for people being confident and totally love giving compliments as I know it boosts peoples day, but this response to me is a conversation killer.
Why not answer “thanks” or make conversation about it, just had your hair done, nails done, found a new shop with nice styles then tell me about it!

AIBU to just not pay second compliments to people who have answered as such in the past? He thinks I shouldn’t change who I compliment based on reactions as self confidence is not arrogance. I’m not particularly saying it’s arrogant but it’s not something I’d like to repeat.

I often say something like 'I know, it's amazing isn't it, I found it in this little vintage shop in X'
Or 'I know, finally found a hairdresser who gets curly hair, I'm so pleased'

Etc.

God, I wouldn’t compliment someone who did this either. What’s wrong with “Thanks”?

This is so weird . Are you absolutely sure the recipient isn't trying to be funny ?
I can't recall ever hearing a response like that.
It would be incredibly jarring.
So how many people have you heard do this ?
We've established your dh did this to your sister , did you hear it ?

YABU to give a compliment only if a person responds a certain way.

Give comments freely, or withhold them and claim your status as a miserable sod

I’ve heard DP say it more than once, it’s probably his most off putting quality but I’ve noticed a few others who do it not in the wry way.

It’s rare, most people just say thanks or throw a smile.

See even an I know I love this colour, it changes how the full sentence comes across.

I can't recall ever hearing a response like that. It would be incredibly jarring.

Really? My best friend and I are likely to reply including the phrase "I know" if we arebfeeling good about ourselves.

"You're looking particularly smoking hot today lady!"

"Thank you, I know! I love this dress on me!"

"Oh my goodness your new hair cut really suits you!"

"I KNOW RIGHT?!"

I am irked by people who always only brush away compliments. I appreciate honesty, and if you're honestly feeling shit and the thing I've just paid you a compliment on, then I hope what I've said has lifted you. If you're feeling great and I've just affirmed that, then I rejoice with you and hope I've made you feel even better!

Sounds like me on my wedding day

But it was followed with things like
‘The makeup artist is a miracle worker’
‘You should see how much fake hair I’m wearing’
‘Found the dress second hand on eBay- only £100!’

YABU.

I'd FAR rather someone acknowledged they look good than have all that "oh no I dont! I'm so fat because I ate a raisin yesterday"- its BS.

Also, why is it women are so frowned upon when they acknowledge theyre good at something or look good? You dont hear men accusing other men of bragging or men minimising their achievements or looks. I'm not referring to arrogance here btw, just simple self confidence. I'm sorry but far more women SHOULD have the confidence of a mediocre white man.

I think "I know" is the most appropriate response for some compliments. Eg

"Oh my god I love your scarf. It's amazing"

Only the designer/maker should say "thank you" as you're complimenting their talent. I simply thought it looked nice and parted with cash so "I know" is a doff of the cap to the person who deserves the compliment.

If I managed to style a whole outfit, or cooked a great meal then possibly there's a personal compliment in there which should be accepted graciously. But if the beans on toast was fab then thank me for feeding you but compliment Heinz and Warburtons on the taste.

You say thank you graciously.

When people compliment your clothes, they are complimenting your taste, really. Unless they were a gift, but you're still choosing to wear them.

"I know" is a very off reply to a compliment. People aren't giving you facts, but their opinion.
I'd rather reply thanks or I agree. Or something along the lines of "it's my favourite" or "lots of people have said the same", etc

I agree that the only correct response is thank you.

*”I like to compliment people to perk their day up a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️ A simple smile would suffice"

Or you could leave people to go about their day without physically critiquing them.

I hate compliments. I pick clothes that I like and suit me, I own a mirror. Why do I need you to tell me how I look?

If it's part of my working day, I consider my appearance irrelevant.*

This!

I complimented a work colleague who I don't know and had never seen before on her dress over the coffee machine. She was very slim with a flowing print dress and converse and she looked great. She was very happy to receive the compliment then said "I've worn a flowing dress as I'm due on my period"

Are you a known complimenter OP? By that I mean maybe you do it so often people have noticed and maybe think you're not sincere about it?

You'd hate me then. In fact have we met?! But there has to be a certain charm when pulling off the answers in the OP. You can say, "Oh I know, thank you!" But you have to return a compliment right back. I always do and I've still got all 4 of my friends (Ha!)

I prefer this to the false modesty/denial tbh.

And I've deliberately replied kind of like this because I wanted the person complimenting me to go away (random guy at work)

@beautifulstranger101 Absolutely agree, as soon as a woman agrees she looks good all of a sudden she is 'unattractive' and 'arrogant'.

Wonder why. Oh wait, we already know why.

I just usually smile and say thank you 🙂

Huh? I respond with 'I know'.

E.g what happened recently
Random Stranger on Tube (RST): ooh I love those (my) shoes!
Me: 'I know! Aren't they lovely?'
Conversation ensues re shoe merits, RST's favourite footwear, the brand etc. everyone feels a little brighter.

It seems you'd prefer
RST: ooh I love those shoes!
Me: (smile)
Conversation ends. Everyone feels awkward.

YABU to refuse to compliment. Surely you have already given them a compliment if the reason not to compliment them is their response to your compliment?

Yes i know people who answer like that its annoying. Nobody is saying fake modesty, its literally not either or yoi can say thanks

Don't compliment people to start a conversation. Whoever this person is, this is what they are trying to tell you. They don't want to talk about their appearance.

I have been this person before now. I've not done it being arrogant. I've been sick of the same person prattling on all day about appearances when I don't want to talk about it.

You know, there are a lot of insufferable people in the world who are worse than what you describe. One would moan and moan about the weather like a broken record and when you tried to brainstorm to cheer him up or find a solution, he would answer as if he knew all eventualities and he had worked out all answers. Some people just have to be cleverer and better than you. Not that I'm clever. When I talked about how much my house could be sold at, he told me that his house was worth more than mine on a forum and he lived in the north. I didn't mind, but you felt that he just had to be better than you, know more than you. He would private message all of us, adding that he loved his wife TO BITS. Long, long essays, some about woodwork that one recipient had no idea about. We would laugh and cry as we had never solicited from him. I had to tell him 3 times that I would see him on the forum to stop the verbal diarrhoea.

Another woman told me to my face that she had a master degree which she got by adding the number of years as a typist, adding up the points needed for coursework and asking her accountant boyfriend to do her essays, and because of that, she was better qualified than me as I only had a first degree. She even opened her textbook and asked me to read from that page onward to help her write her coursework. In the end, I had to rewrite the whole thing.

It depends how much you love your husband. It's not worth falling out over KNOW-ALLs or CLEVERER-THAN-THOUs!

In fact, if you occasionally add something to flatter their know-all attitude, you might disconcert the person involved.

I've not come across that attitude but can imagine someone saying, "Oh yes I'm wonderful", tongue in cheek. Don't take it so seriously, life is too short.

I think you are great, op, and bet you are really clever and beautiful too.....