To not want to compliment people who answer like this

[Shesacrazy]

Settle an argument between me and DP-

He thinks I’m being unreasonable as I refuse point blank to compliment someone after I’ve paid them a compliment and they have answered with “I know”

I.e
“Your looking fantastic”
“I know I do”

Or
“That outfits gorgeous on you”
“I know it is”

Or
“You suit that hairstyle so much”
“I know, that’s why it’s like it”

I’m all for people being confident and totally love giving compliments as I know it boosts peoples day, but this response to me is a conversation killer.
Why not answer “thanks” or make conversation about it, just had your hair done, nails done, found a new shop with nice styles then tell me about it!

AIBU to just not pay second compliments to people who have answered as such in the past? He thinks I shouldn’t change who I compliment based on reactions as self confidence is not arrogance. I’m not particularly saying it’s arrogant but it’s not something I’d like to repeat.

Is it Nessa?

I have literally never heard anyone say that, is this the same person

That's what I'm thinking, and as the argument about it is with the husband it seems a logical guess it's him, because let's face it, this isn't something people commonly do, so it's an argument mos folks can't imagine. Unless it's the husband who does it and is whingeing about no more compliments.

Is this another bloody SussexRoyal thread. Is that you Kate? 👸

A work colleague used to regularly compliment me. If it was shoes I'd say "oh these were £5 in the matalan sale" or if looked slim "yes but I've got big hold you in knickers on". Eventually she told me the correct response was just "thank you"

If someone said they liked my hair I may say yeah I love what they have done this time, or something like that. Not sure I have ever heard anyone say 'I know ' unless as a joke.

I always say, 'Thanks, I know' 'Thanks, I like it too' etc especially when it's a man doing the complimenting to me.

What irks me, is when I compliment someone on something they are wearing and then they say they don't really like it. Makes me feel like they think i have bad taste.....but then again they shouldnt wear things they dont like i guess!?

Nessa

OP, is this about your MIL? If so, YANBU

Nessa!!

I've done similar for things I've bought..

So, 'I like your brown cardigan!'

'I know! Isn't it the cosiest!'

There's a lot of examples on line of how men get quite angry if a woman replies like this; and immediately follow it up with a criticism or rebuke. Several women have purposely tried this theory.

e.g. www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/women-compliments-online-dating-experiment-gweneth-bateman_n_6456016?ri18n=true

Agree with pp that I'm not convinced people are replying as you suggest, and maybe actually being happy about a bargain or great find etc, and sharing that enthusiasm with you.

@lazylinguist why does declaring you got something in a charity shop make you a twat?! I've done that before when someone said they liked my top and replied excitedly 'thanks! it was only £3.50', because to me it was an exciting bargain and I'm poor

The only way I've ever known anyone over the age of about 8 respond with something like that is when it's been meant as a joke.

Do you struggle to identify sarcasm/ jokes?

Who answers like that? No-one I've met!

'Thanks I'm really happy with it' would be fine and normal but 'I know' sounds utterly dickish.

I get this old a lot. And I go into awkward English mode. And go errrr thanks

I do that with DH - it is an insider joke and reference to all those blokes on dating apps complimenting women only to get offended if they respond with anything other than false modesty.

I don't think I do it with anyone else but wouldn't be surprised if I reflexively respond that way with someone else. If they stop to pay me compliments afterwards, that is fine - I genuinely do know 99% of the time so don't rely on compliments. Again, I don't think I do that but if I ever fall into that habit, so be it

I'm finding I can't help hearing the 'I knoooow' in an arch, camp voice, a la Kenneth Williams. Is there a camp comic who does this as a joke? Someone like Alan Carr?

Maybe they want to kill the conversation?

I wouldn't say 'I know' but I certainly try to kill conversations about my weight stone dead with a 'yes, thank you'.

@AuntieDolly @BirthdayCakes

OP's mate is definitely Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins. I know, right?

Yanbu they obviously already have their self esteem all sorted and are smug confident enough already. I would save the compliments for people you really care about and/or people who need a bit of a lift.

What about if they just take it and say oh thanks

Thank you is the only acceptable answer. Faux modesty is no better than the smug “I know” response.

Genuinely interesting information about the subject of the compliment is also acceptable.

“I know” may be acceptable if the complimenter is a spouse, parent or close friend with whom you have that sort of relationship (and definitely known that you do!)

Haha meant to score through smug not highlight it.

You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable in my opinion. I despise people like this, it's pure arrogant and 'full of yourself'.

I have a family member that is just like this and for that exact reason, I purposefully never ever complement her anymore. She makes everyone feel inferior and like everything she does is bigger and better than everyone else, including her looks.

If someone complements me say aww thank you how lovely, and then go on to talk about where I got that top from, or how I changed my hair etc because I wanted to try something different, or I got my nails done here if you wanted to! Easy.

How often is this happening for it to be a discussion point?

Maybe they want you to stop complimenting them.

As in "I know, everyone says so, and you should stop".