He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

OP
I work in the city centre and live in Urmston. My mate helps at Stretford Foodbank - are you anywhere near?
Sister Lucy and the gang at Cornerstone in Hulme help anyone who need them - I can give them a bell?
Whereabouts are you?

I don’t think that is particularly helpful @Horehound. As someone who has had PND, even holding the baby can feel impossible. I realise that is probably unthinkable if you have never suffered from PND but it can be like that. Reading books and singing to the baby is the last thing on your mind, every day is like bloody Hunger Games trying to survive.

I understand how difficult it is reaching out for help OP but you will start to feel the weight lifting soon after. Start with a phone call to the GP .

If crying a lot and unsettled it might not be reflux could be CMPI/A
The first weeks are the hardest, definitely try and get out the house if you can. Force yourself too.
Your baby does want to be held by you this first 12 weeks is re acclimatising to new world out of a very safe place. Try swaddling, sling/carrier.
Mumsnet is a good resource for support

@Horehound, at four weeks, he really doesn’t need tummy time or outings or to be read to.

I’m going to mention possibilities of colic to my gp today, he’s not tongue tied so I’m gonna rule that out, he does spit up and choke a lot so maybe reflux?

HV has mentioned putting him on his belly but not for another 2/3 weeks.

I suggested going out to stop op getting cabin fever more than anything.

this has made me feel so sad. Please reach out to some of the local mumsnetters. It is so hard to be a mum to a newborn let alone doing it alone. Please reach out and someone will help you access the resources you need. I can imagine that if you are sleep deprived and overwhelmed it will feel almost impossible to make the phone calls etc that you need.

You poor thing, it does sound very hard for you both!
You need to get him checked for colic, reflux and cows milk protein allergy, any of which could be causing the crying. It's so frustrating and it's a shame you have a shit health visitor with no sympathy.
Tell your GP everything and hopefully they'll be able to help you out. and call some of the agencies that have been suggested.

Also, if you're at university, you should have a pastoral mentor who you can discuss your issues with - they might be able to point you in useful directions as well.

There's a baby bank in Hyde, quite close to you? They may be able to help with a sling?

www.cascadebabybundles.org.uk

The first three months is tough, my little one screamed at nappy changes for the first three months and had colic caused by taking in too much air feeding.

I used gripe water (from one month onwards) and the screaming at nappy changes did stop eventually.

Please get some help from your GP and ask to speak to another HV who will be more sympathetic. Sure start centres are great too.

Sorry I haven't RTFT but in cases like these I always recommend going to a chiropractor. My DS was awful for the first 6 weeks, always crying, seemed like he was in pain, and when I took him to the chiropractor it was down to his nerves being damaged during birth.

She did some sessions on him and he improved greatly.

Good luck OP

I hate going outside, I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous but I cannot stand it. I walk round and see people happy all the time when I feel like absolute shit and my life is the pits I’m still in bigger clothes as well that barely fit because I cannot afford new ones, thankfully I had a small bump. Lol.

Hugs to you OP

Foodbank referrals and milk tokens (healthy start vouchers) aren't just for people on benefits. Speak to your GP and ask for a referral to your local foodbank, also discuss possible allergies - and about getting special amnio-acid based formula, which is available on prescription. And if your GP is useless, then please make an appointment to see another.

You are doing a fantastic job, despite what you might think. Hang in there

He has been checked for CMPA because of his screaming, he hasn’t got it, so I’m thinking reflux or colic. Will see if gripe water helps as he does fart a lot

Sorry OP. I had a friend in a similar position and she called Citizen's Advice to get help. She wasnt on benefits either so thought she could not get food vouchers. They posted some off to her as a stopgap while she waited for her maternity pay which her employer was withholding. Maybe try call CA, if you can't make it out the house (friend was single, no family and housebound due to birth injuries). Also have you claimed Maternity Allowance? I think you should be entitled to that and the Sure Start grant for £500 which you can claim until the baby is 3 months old (unless you have already claimed it).

Clairindespair, total respect and solidarity hug
Contact the Salvation Army locally and explain your circumstances - they will get you into a food bank even if you’re not entitled to benefits.
Get a GP to investigate reflux, or prescribe you with anti allergy / reflux formula. If need be, white lie and say it was a suggestion from HV. My little one had ‘colic’ and it was driving me and DH insane and totally sleep deprived. we ended up stopping BF and bought special formula from Boots with no doctor input and it made a huge difference.
Above all, ask for help and try and get sleep and fresh air. DM me if you want to talk - I’ve been there. You’re probably also suffering fromPND and it’s a serious business.

I have only read your post.

Go to your GP.
Having an emergency section and being isolated is similar to what I had and a screaming baby. It is really hard. Looking back now I realise I probably had Post Natal depression but as the Healthcare didn't meet me until after I had my baby they didn't pick up on it.

If you are a student and can't get anything from the food bank try some of the churches or Salvation Army. Our church does a food bank and doesn't turn anyone away that has a need. You don't have to be part of or expected to join. It is just a service provided. Another organisation that might be able to help is LIFE. They often have baby equipment and clothing that is donated.
If you can get a sling then you would be able to get out for a bit of fresh air and try to see if there is a parent and baby group you could go along to as then you wont be so isolated and you might find others mums feeling overwhelmed too.
Grab some sleep when baby does during the day. Lack of sleep is the worst thing. Things will improve. He will start to smile soon and that is wonderful. If he is colicy like my baby try using a different teat. I think you can get special ones now. My children are grown up now but I still remember how difficult our first baby was he was a very colicy baby whereas the next one was so easy.We'd moved and I didn't know anyone and we had very little money. Our rent was nearly half then my husband got a job working most nights which I found really hard. Even worse on your own and no support. Don't forget you are recovering from major surgery too. I really feel for you.

I struggle to interact with him. I definitely get the cabin fever thing but at the moment I’m not ready to be outside. I hate going out. I don’t have any desire to sing to him or talk to him, I don’t even want to pick him up when he cries if I’m honest. And I feel disgusted in myself

Oh bless you. Tell the GP everything. Contact a local church, they’ll help you

I’m so sorry your going through this

The newborn stage can be so hard. I hold my hands up and admit I hated it with my DS. He used to scream out in pain 24/7. I couldn’t do anything to console him which left me feeling absolutely useless as a first time mum. I took him to the doctors and he was prescribed a different milk as they thought he was dairy intolerant. He also had colic and reflux which he had medication for and also had tongue tie which made him very difficult to feed until he had it snipped.

I had to drag myself out of bed in the morning after having no sleep all night and knowing he was going to just spend the whole day screaming. The days felt like weeks and I didn’t leave the house, because I couldn’t face it and when I did people would stare at him crying and stick their noses in saying he needed feeding.

We eventually came out of the other end and I’m not sure how I done it but I did, and now I’ve got the most happiest loving little boy and that whole newborn stage is just all a blur now.

Please book a doctors appointment and tell them everything, no on is there to judge you and you will be given the right support. X

Gripe water isn't as good as "the old days" because the ethanol isn't in it any more.

I could buy some infacol for you and send you it if you like? It is pricey
I also have some brand new baby stuff id be happy send. Pm me if you like

Ah I see Bookish kitten has said the Sally Army too. Honestly they do an amazing amount of work and never judge anyone. They often do meals like a drop in you could try those too.

Don't start troll hunting @BarbourellaTheCoatzilla @SaskiaRembrandt

We should treat the OP as genuine as she sounds absolutely desperate and in need. You will drive her away otherwise.

Better to indulge 100 trolls with 5 mins of your time than to drive away just one woman in desperate need of support.

Nobody is sending cash, so pipe down.

What do you mean he’s been checked for cmpa?

They go off symptoms and a month long milk trial, and at 4weeks well you’d be cutting it extremely close. Ds is 10months and didn’t display proper symptoms with his allergy till he was over 4months old. Before that he was fussy, windy and refluxy leaning more to constipation than the runs.

Until you get something that works you keep going back.

you poor thing. you are doing well to hang on. it will get better. try and sleep, prioritise this above anything. in hindsight, i wish i'd had noise cancelling headphones, so at least you could comfort him without the crying being so horrible for you?