He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

These guys have a Facebook page - perhaps reach out to them on there, join, chat?

Single parents alone together - Manchester

Telephone
07834 641225
E-mail
[email protected]
Website
www.facebook.com/groups/spatmanchester/
Facebook
www.facebook.com/groups/1553624538192647/

Oh x post

If OP wants me to fuck off, I will.

As well as speaking to your GP, also contact home start to get some support with your mental health

home-starthost.org.uk/

He doesn't hate you. Newborns are tough. It will get easier when you can read him/know his cues. But it can take a while. I took me a while to bond with my DD. At first she was something I had to look after. I had a stronger bond with my cat! She was probably 4 months when I started to have the mother baby bond feeling.

Autumn just fucking stop. OP isn't an alcoholic or a danger to her child. She has a newborn and she is struggling. She is only 21. Many of us have struggled at an older age with plenty of support around. You should feel ashamed to be honest.

and another one - free and confidential -

Family Lives offers a confidential and free* helpline service for families in England and Wales (previously known as Parentline). Please call us on 0808 800 2222 for emotional support, information, advice and guidance on any aspect of parenting and family life. Our helpline service is open 9am – 9pm, Monday to Friday and 10am – 3pm Saturday and Sunday.

Hi OP. I can send you a sling? I know you say that he hates being close to you but that won't be the case. He's upset about something but it's not you. I know it sounds silly but you and him getting out in the fresh air for even just 15 minutes a day will make a world of difference to the way you are feeling. Just seeing other people in real life and a passing hello or you have a cute baby there will give you some stimulation.

Being trapped inside is horrible. I'm no where near where you are but maybe one of the ladies that are living around where you are can meet you for a coffee and have some face to face interaction and offer some practical advice to you? When you go to the GP today, you need to tell him/her how you are feeling and also about your financial situation. It does sound like the onset of PND but honestly, as long as you are open and honest about your feelings, you'll get help.

It may feel like a hopeless case right now but things will get better, I promise. You need to find the energy inside of you to sort the situation and not feel hopeless. Make the phone calls, take offers of help, even if it's just for a chat. Try and hold onto the thought that in a few months time your boy will smile at you then when he's a bit older, he will express his love for you. He will never remember these moments so don't beat yourself up if you have to put him down in his moses basket for a few minutes and leave the room to gather your thoughts. Keeping your sanity here is really important

I genuinely just think he hates me. At that age he doesn't really know where he begins and ends, he certainly doesn't see you as an entity to hate. All he knows is he's not comfortable and he's got to shout about it till it's sorted. It's a grim age "There's something wrong with me and you need to sort it but I'm not going to give you any clues". And all you can do is change "absolutely pissed off" to "mildly disgruntled". But don't plague yourself with thoughts that this is how it' going to be like forever. It won't. It took me 18 months to bond with my first born. But we're really close, and have been all through childhood (he's now 30+), and he thinks I was a good mum .

Learn from his methods - don't give up at the first "no", keep asking for help. And when you see your GP, don't make the mistake of downplaying how you are feeling. He/she will take it seriously - you are the mother of a dependent child - they try very hard to keep you healthy both mentally and physically.

Oh op I know that feeling all to well. I remember at one point looking in the mirror and wondering who I am!
I felt like I lost my whole identity and was trapped, I also questioned if i had made a mistake. I am also a lone parent so had no partner to turn too.

It does get better though, in the upcoming weeks.
My DS is now gone 7 weeks, and within just 4 weeks he has established his own routine, sleeps much better and is much more interactive (smiles, coos and showing interest in play mats and swings).
Even his fussy evenings has gone down from 2 hours to 1.
There is still hard days but I feel much more confident in dealing with them now.

Please speak to a hv, ask for a new one if you feel you can't speak to yours. If not, speak to your gp. This really is common and so many women face this.

I promise he doesn’t hate cuddles. Some babies are just really wriggly and grumpy. Try out some different holds like the tiger in the tree hold mentioned above - worked wonders for mine.

My twins had a tough start with a long nicu stay and I was quite traumatised and not bonded at all. I was mainly just terrified to be honest and I was nearly 15 years older than you with a husband to help

When mine were really distressed I’d run through a list of what it might be - starting with needing a nappy change, being too cold or too hot, wind, hungry, etc. Even if I didn’t find the cause they’d sometimes calm down before I did and I felt useful at least!

AutumnRose1

I’ve volunteered with young mums as well. Glad to see that's in the past.

The options are there for children who can not remain with their parents, not for mothers who are struggling with new babies. If everyone who felt like the OP pout their babies into care, the majority of children would be there. What the OP is going through is perfectly normal given the age of her baby and her circumstances. None of it is insurmountable, it can all be solved and in their lives will improve.

You are being ridiculous, dramatic, and rude.

It's exhausting looking after a young baby, I had DW and was still bloody struggling. Don't be hard on yourself, or your baby.

To be fair to Autumn op you did say about getting baby removed from your care at 9.24 this morning.

OP, the cuddling difficulty - what I found to work was, put him across your chest, and do slow, calming inhales and exhales. His breathing and him should eventually calm down too. Do tummy breaths, not shallow lung ones.
It took me 6-8 weeks to bond with mine post EMCS.

OP did say that as a concern! Not to be told it was the right thing

Also, now my ds can use his vocabulary more (cooing, oohing and ahhing) i have noticed he is not crying as much?
Maybe because before the only way for him to communicate was to cry and now he has more options in expressing himself.

bobster thank you! If OP hadn’t mentioned getting baby removed, I’d not have said a word. I’ve never said this on a thread in my life. But when the OP says it herself, it might be reassuring to know that’s possible.

Jeez.

OP words “ I’ve honestly thought of referring myself to social services and getting him removed from my care because I cannot cope I feel like absolute shit 24/7.“