He’s 4 weeks old and I hate my life

[clairindespair]

Hi I’m gonna get so much shit for this but I absolutely hate my life after having my son. Birth wasn’t pleasant resulting in emergency c section and I am in a financial crisis after student loan hasn’t been paid leaving me with 70p as formula just siphons my money (unable to BF)

He screams for food and doesn’t do anything else. Just screams. Cluster feeds all through the early hours of the morning. I’m a single mum and have no one, I’ve had 4 hours sleep in 5 days and I am struggling to keep my eyes open. My house is a mess cos I have no energy or time to clean it. I am stuck on a third floor with no lift and feel so isolated as I can’t even find the energy to take his pram down the stairs in 3 bits then reassemble it. He doesn’t smile or coo or make any noise except a horrific cry and the occasional grunt. Just cries and looks blank most of the time. I’m starting to hate him. I want my old life back. I’m off uni till May and I want to go back now. I’m so fed up. I hate my life.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius sorry but your post had me in fits of laughter! We've all been there!

@SDT I’m absolutely creased at that hahahaha 😂🤣😂

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius.... What a lovely post, kids can push all of our buttons and often do. I have to confess your post made me laugh, we all have these story's to tell.
OP I hope you got some well deserved sleep/ rest. Be kind to yourself, motherhood can be tough. As your little boy gets a little older he will reward you with the most gorgeous smiles. Hang in there

I slept until 11 today and I feel good. I applied for universal credit online and have first apt on Thursday so will see how they go.

I’ve also been informed by my landlord that he’s serving me a section 21 - which I’m considerably happy about as it moves me higher up the priority list for more affordable social housing.

GP said there’s no concerns with reflux as he is gaining weight, just to try infacol and keep him upright as much as I can. My mum got him some infacol and he is sat in his bouncy chair doing some very impressive farts

Ah - nothing like a full night's sleep to perk you up!
Well done on applying for UC - it's a pain in the arse if I recall correctly - so that's one giant accomplishment for you!
Please be religious about the Infacol. Before every single feed. It's a miracle worker.
Glad your mother is some support. Get yourself a few night's sleep and the world will seem a whole lot brighter!!

Great work OP!

Hopefully your mother might cook something nutritious for you today too. Might be worth looking at getting some postnatal vitamins for yourself - maybe you could ask if your Mum could afford them? Will you stay a few nights there?

My mum got him some infacol and he is sat in his bouncy chair doing some very impressive farts

Good for him. That should help.

I can almost see the smile coming through your writing today as compared to yesterday. Long may it continue. Keep on farting baby!

I must look insane now haha. My mum gave me a very odd look when I said I’m so glad I’m bein evicted 🤣🤣🤣

Oh I really do hope you get some affordable housing - that would really take the pressure off you.

Someone shared this on a similar post I wrote, it's brilliant and it made me cry-laugh

I love Tim Minchin!

So glad you're feeling better, Clair - it's amazing how much difference a reasonable sleep makes, isn't it!

I love tim! He’s so funny and quite sexy in a weird way

Ask your uni if there is an emergency hardship fund they will most likely help you with money!

I’m glad my story gave you a laugh, @clairindespair - that’s exactly what I hoped it would do. And I’m even more glad that you had a good night’s sleep and are on the road to getting some things sorted - that is brilliant news.

Glad you're doing well! If you see no improvement in your son please take him back to drs as that's nonsense! My daughter is a very chunky monkey and had very severe reflux which hospitalised her we had gaviscon, ranitidine and finally omeprazole which worked thank God. Her reflux was silent so weight stayed on but all she did was scream and curl up x

Just one more sign of reflux, the breath of the baby is awful. He smelled like me when i was 18 after a night out vomiting.. really strong acidic breath.. and his vomit was clear, like water.. basically vomiting up the acid.

It makes me cross when GPs refuse to treat reflux on the basis that the baby is putting on weight so that’s all that matters. As if the screaming, uncomfortable baby (and the parent’s sanity) is unimportant. My eldest used to projectile vomit his feeds, yet somehow put on weight (how I don’t know) so they dismissed it. It was horrendous. Turned out to have a CMPA.

I love tim! He’s so funny and quite sexy in a weird way

I hear ya! 😍

@clairindespair - Just keep an eye on his mood, if he does have reflux, which they can have whilst putting on weight, then infacol can make it worse.

I wash channelling this last night! Have you see it, OP?

Oh, I thought it'd show the name on the video.

It's "Go the fuck to sleep" read by Samuel Jackson

My second child had reflux. He screamed and drove me to despair. We were given infant gaviscon but refused anything else. My child was a chunk because he fed so constantly (bf) for comfort probably because of his reflux. Anyway he finally got prescribed omeprazole aged 4 once he could explain to the Dr that he had hurting burps and kept being sick in the night.

As others have said you must talk to someone. I agree Uni will have a counsellor and the associated GP should also help.
You need to express how desperate you are feeling to a professional just like you have to us. It's hard to do but it will help.
As a first step maybe call GIngerbread which is specifically for single parents and has a lot of support available. www.gingerbread.org.uk

Don't ignore your feelings you just need some help.

Lazylittkelucy's suggestion of local support sounds fantastic! See you have taken the first step just posting on here!